


The Only Water in the Forest Is the River

by Kehwie



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Canon compliant through Series 8, Episode Related, F/M, Family, Fluff and Angst, Gap Filler, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-31
Updated: 2016-04-16
Packaged: 2018-03-20 12:01:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 28
Words: 72,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3649590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kehwie/pseuds/Kehwie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>People often say that life doesn't make sense. River Song figured she had more right to that sentiment than most. This is her life story, with all its timey-wimey twists and turns.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> I rewatched all of the River Song episodes with my daughter, and...this happened. 
> 
> I'm not the first to try to write River's life story, but hopefully I can bring something unique and interesting to the party. 
> 
> GrumpyJenn and AerynB are both lending me their mad beta skills, so many thanks and much love to them. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy and will stay tuned for the (rather lengthy) ride! 
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who or any of its characters. I make no profit.

**The Only Water in the Forest Is the River**

 

Chapter One

 

People often say that life doesn't make sense.

 

River Song figured she had more right to that sentiment than most.

 

Her earliest memory was of her mother calling her Melody and telling her of the man who was coming for them, who would never let them down. During the following horrific years in an American orphanage, little Melody clung to those words. Her daddy would come. He would rescue her. He _would_. Mummy had promised.

 

Mummy had also said that Melody Pond was the name of a superhero. And so eventually the girl had gotten tired of waiting and set about rescuing herself.

 

River often thought she was lucky that during her seven years in that orphanage she'd been surrounded by the Silence. Consequently she remembered very little of it.

 

Mostly she just remembered being terrified.

 

Pain, loneliness, and fear were her constant companions. She could recall sobbing in her bed and begging someone to please, _please_ help her and strange messages that appeared on the wall at random but very little else.

 

Dr. Renfrew tried to help her, more than once, but in the end he learned better. She couldn't quite remember details, but she had a vague recollection of him screaming, sounding just as terrified as she felt, and promising that he would never again interfere with Melody's training.

 

He never did.

 

She'd wondered what she was being trained for. And how she'd ever complete it when she couldn't remember ever having any training at all.

 

Then came the day they brought out the space suit. Melody could actually taste the fear that rose up in her throat. "Don't let it eat me!" she shrieked, even though she had no idea why she'd think that.

 

She managed to get away and ran faster than she'd ever run in her life (at least as far as she could remember). Dr. Renfrew had told her to get as far as she could as fast as she could, and even though neither of them were sure why, she did as he said.

 

She slept on benches and in alleyways and under awnings, but only for short stretches of time; she couldn't afford to stay still for long. She had to keep moving.

 

She ate out of dumpsters or bits she could beg or steal. But mostly she grew accustomed to her belly being empty.

 

She couldn't quite adjust to the cold though. As the crisp coolness of autumn gave way to the bone-aching chill of winter, she wondered if she'd ever be warm again.

 

The orphanage had been warm. Maybe she should go back.

 

But the dread that filled her at that thought was far colder than the December nighttime air, so she kept going.

 

She knew the end was coming soon when she got sick. Coughing and wheezing, her chest aching, her belly empty and her clothes in tatters, Melody knew that she wouldn't last much longer. Strangely she didn't feel afraid. After spending her entire life feeling nothing but fear and hopelessness, it didn't make sense to her that death was the one thing that wasn’t the least bit frightening.

 

But then she understood. Because even as she felt herself dying, as she felt her systems slowly shutting down, she could also feel the healing begin. Somehow she was going to get better.

 

Maybe she really was a superhero. Because she could _fix_ this.

 

And she tried to tell that nice concerned gentleman exactly that, but then then the whole world seemed to explode around her--blazing colors and light and her entire body being ripped apart and somehow put back together again.

 

It wasn't quite put back the same way though. As she collapsed in the alley, she stared down at hands she didn't recognize. The ragged coat ballooned around her. She huddled into it like a blanket and stuck her thumb in mouth.

 

Why was she sucking her thumb? She didn't suck her thumb. She was seven years old, for crying out loud!

 

Only it didn't seem like she was anymore. How bizarre.

 

"Hey, it's okay, I've got you," a low, soothing voice spoke in her ear. And suddenly she was being picked up and carried out of the alley.

 

Melody stared at the face of the man who held her so snugly against his chest. She wasn't quite sure who he was, but his stride was sure and his arms felt safe. And he was warm. She rested her head on his shoulder and fell asleep.

 

###

 

Arthur and Jessica Williams were a kindly older couple. Melody felt like she'd been given a set of adoptive grandparents. They fed her and clothed her and showered her with love and affection. And their son Anthony was like having a really cool uncle.

 

It was Arthur who'd found her in the alley, and he took her home with him and nursed her back to health. Then he and his wife just kept her, even though they received a lot of flack for taking in a black child...especially one as out-of-control and "different" as Melody. (She tried to follow the rules and to fit in, she really did--she just happened to be lousy at it.)

 

Melody called them Nan and Papa. Mummy and Daddy were reserved for her parents, Rory and Amy Pond.

 

Nan and Papa called her Mels.

 

They promised they would get her to her parents one day. It was years later before Mels understood just what that had cost them.

 

Mels spent seven years with the Williamses--a radically different seven years from her time in the orphanage. She could remember every moment, and what's more--she wanted to.

 

But in September of 1977, Papa sat down with her. He and Nan had looked sad and strained ever since her eighth birthday (okay, so she wasn't _really_ eight, but she appeared to be, and it had been seven years since her rebirth as a toddler). She didn't like her grandparents being sad; maybe he was going to tell her what was wrong and she'd be able to help.

 

"Melody, you know...Jess and I love you very much," he began. For some reason, he always did a funny little pause before he said Nan's name. "But we promised you we'd get you to your parents. And no matter how hard that is for us, it's the right thing to do. And now it's time to do that. We'll miss you, more than you'll know, but I know you need to be with your mum and dad."

 

Mels couldn't help the smile that lit her face at the mention of her mum and dad, even though she really didn't want to hurt her Papa's feelings. "Oh, Papa, thank you!" She threw herself into his lap and hugged him hard. "And don't worry--I'm sure they'll let me visit you lots."

 

Papa smiled sadly. "Oh, baby girl. I wish it were that easy. But someday you'll understand. Just remember that we love you and that your mum and dad love you. And that you are strong and brave. You be a good girl, okay?"

 

Mels smirked. "Of course I'm strong and brave--I'm a superhero! But being a good girl really isn't much fun, Papa."

 

Papa chuckled and squeezed her tight. "That's my girl," he murmured. He kissed the top her head. "All right, let's get your Nan and Anthony and do this before I change my mind."

 

No matter how excited Mels was at finally being with her parents, good-bye to the Williamses was hard. All four of them sobbed throughout the farewell hugs and kisses, with Papa muttering something about never being able to pull off "cool." And then Anthony loaded her into his car and drove her into New Jersey.

 

They arrived in a small clearing that looked to Melody to be the middle of nowhere. An uneasy feeling settled in the pit of her stomach. "Tony? Why are we here?"

 

He turned to face her. "Listen, I know this is weird. And I don't really know the rules--how much I'm supposed to tell you. I may muck up the whole thing, but--how much do you remember from the orphanage?"

 

Melody thought. "I remember being scared and alone and that I wanted my mummy. I remember that I had a picture of her. I remember Dr. Renfrew telling me to run. I remember lots of stories about a really bad man named the Doctor. I remember--I think I remember a mean lady with an eye patch, like a pirate. That sounds weird though. I'm not sure about that."

 

Anthony nodded. "She's real, Mels. And she's beyond mean. And she's found you, which is why we've got to get you out of here. I hope we've timed this right--someone should be meeting us soon."

 

"Oh, someone is," a smug voice gloated.

 

And there she was. Seeing her brought it all back, all those things Melody had forgotten about those first seven years. The woman smiled cruelly. "Did you really think you could escape us?"

 

Mels wasn't really sure who "us" was, but she had no desire to find out. She looked frantically at Anthony. Maybe he wasn't her daddy or even Papa, but could he still save her? Or would she have to save herself again?

 

She wasn't sure she could save herself again.

 

There was a sudden crackle of electricity. A dark-haired man in a long coat appeared seemingly out of nowhere, as well as a woman with the craziest mop of curls Melody had ever seen. The woman immediately started shooting, although Mels wasn't really sure at what. The man grabbed her and Anthony and tapped a watch of some sort on his wrist. They disappeared in another burst.

 

They were back in the city. Mels looked around in disbelief. How were they back in the city?

 

They weren't anywhere near Nan and Papa's house, but this was definitely New York. What on earth was going on?

 

The man stuck his hand out to Anthony. "Captain Jack Harkness. And I'm sorry to rescue you and run, but we're working on a tight schedule here. Just tell your parents that River says hello and that she loves them very much. And she'd have come herself, but...you know."

 

Anthony nodded solemnly. "I do know. And thank you."

 

Jack turned to Mels. "All right, kid. Here we go again."

 

There was another flash. Mels was starting to feel sick.

 

Now they were somewhere else entirely. Mels looked around at the lush green landscape. It was beautiful. Then it all caught up with her, and she swayed slightly.

 

Jack caught her. "Easy there. Vortex travel takes some getting used to. Don't worry, you'll have the hang of it in no time."

 

She blinked. "We're going to do it again?" She wasn't sure her stomach could handle that.

 

He chuckled warmly. "No, honey, not right now. Catch your breath, and I'll explain."

 

_"What you're going to be, Melody, is very, very brave..."_

 

Mels lifted her chin. "I'm fine. Go ahead and explain now."

 

Jack nodded. "All right. You tell me what you know first. Then I'll know where to start."

 

She thought for a moment. "I know I'm from...somewhere else. Somewhen else. I have memories of my mother speaking to me when I was just a baby, and I know I shouldn't be able to remember that. I know I spent seven years in an orphanage being trained for something, but I have no idea what. I know hearing or seeing anything about the moon landing makes me have nightmares. I know I was dying in a back alley at age seven, and then I fixed it...only after I fixed it, I wasn't seven anymore. I was more like one. And I didn't look like me anymore." She drew a deep breath. "I know that doesn't make any sense, and I don't usually tell people. But your wristwatch and all the popping in and out of places don't make sense either, so maybe you won't think I'm crazy."

 

He chuckled again. "No, sweetheart, I don't think you're crazy. I know more about all of it than I can tell you, really. But I'll do the best I can. Your name is Melody Pond, but you know that already. When you were just a baby, you were kidnapped by some evil folks who wanted to use you for their own purposes. Your parents have been trying to get you back, but they haven't been entirely successful up till now."

 

"But you can take me to them?" Mels asked hopefully.

 

"That's the plan. Hopefully these coordinates are right. I had a bit of a glitch when I entered them. Trying to get in and out of Manhattan is hell. But I'm pretty sure the source where I got them is reliable." He smirked at that, and Mels wondered what the joke was.

 

She didn't get a chance to ask. "Now I'm told I can't just deliver you straight to the Ponds. Apparently I'm to take you to a lady named Miss Zucker. Don't ask me why; something about timelines."

 

"Timelines..." Mels murmured thoughtfully.

 

The word stirred something in her. The thought popped into her brain that she could see timelines, but that made no sense whatsoever.

 

Did it?

 

"So my parents will find me at Miss Zucker's then?" she asked, wanting to distract herself from her own crazy thoughts.

 

"That's what my source tells me," Jack assured her.

 

It turned out that Miss Zucker was actually Sister Anne Marie Zucker, a nun with no sense of humour whatsoever. Melody had the strange thought that her entire existence revolved around the Church, but then she couldn't figure out what that actually meant.

 

Sometimes she got awfully tired of the random thoughts that popped up in her brain. They made no _sense_.

 

So Mels settled into Sister Anne Marie's foster care and waited for her parents to show up.

 

She got bored waiting.

 

  
And that led to trouble.


	2. Chapter Two

Chapter Two

 

Looking back, Mels was never sure what bit of self-preservation prompted her to withhold her last name from Sister Anne Marie. But it turned out to be a wise decision.

 

Jack's source was clearly an idiot. Because this wasn't right at all.

 

Leadworth, England. 1997.

 

How ridiculous was that? Yes, her mother was here (in a manner of speaking), but Amelia Pond was no one's mother yet.

 

She was the same age as Melody, for crying out loud!

 

So Melody with-no-last-name stayed with Sister Anne Marie and became Mels Zucker.

 

Melody Pond was rather pissed off about the whole thing.

 

Honestly, if she'd known this would happen, she could have just stayed with the Williamses. They _loved_ her. Sister Anne Marie merely tolerated her.

 

But she remembered Anthony's words, _"She's beyond mean. And she's found you. "_

 

So apparently staying with Nan and Papa hadn't really been an option. Might as well make the best of it. She could get to know her mum as a kid. How many people got to do that?

 

Sister Anne Marie had registered Mels at the local primary school right away. Her first day there, Mels had met an impossibly dweebish boy named Rory.

 

He was trying (quite earnestly) to convince her to follow the rules. She was ignoring him and his useless suggestions.

 

She got into a fair amount of trouble. Neither the headmaster nor Sister Anne Marie were amused by her antics. And Rory had the nerve to say that he'd tried to warn her.

 

She hated him a bit for that.

 

She also hated him for being called Rory.

 

Her father's name was Rory. But no way this dumb, wimpy kid could be her father. Mummy had told her about her father--he was brave and strong and heroic--not like this idiot.

 

Besides Melody's last name was Pond. That meant her father was Rory Pond, right?

 

Not Rory Williams. And really, why did the stupid guy have to be a Williams? That was just adding insult to injury--this sniveling twit didn't deserve to share a last name with her beloved honorary grandparents.

 

But it was shortly after meeting Rory that Mels had met Amelia and realized that Pond was her mother's maiden name, not her married name. And watching Rory trail helplessly after Amy--well, Mels could see him just continuing to do that for years and years to come. The look of absolute adoration on his face reminded Mels of the way Papa looked at Nan.

 

So maybe Rory was just a geeky kid. Maybe puberty was kind to him or something like that.

 

It still didn't mean Mels had to like him now.

 

Still, it wasn't like Amy was hanging with the cool kids either at the moment. One of the reasons Mels was able to become her mother's best friend so quickly was that Amelia Pond didn't really have any friends (other than the besotted Rory). Everyone thought she was a nutter, telling ridiculous tales of a space-adventuring Raggedy Doctor with a blue box that had a library and a swimming pool.

 

Spending time with Amy (which Mels did as much as possible to avoid going home to Sister Anne Marie) meant hearing loads and loads of Raggedy Doctor stories. It meant dressing the ever-accommodating Rory in Raggedy Doctor clothes. It meant helping Amy with her drawings and building of blue box models.

 

Mels couldn't explain it, but all this talk of "the Doctor" made her very uncomfortable.

 

She loved Amy's stories and peppered her with questions, wanting to know more. She thought she might like to meet this Doctor. Maybe she could even marry him one day. They could go on double dates with her parents. And he'd actually be able to understand Mels's crazy, topsy-turvy life. Who else would be able to do that?

 

And yet...the stories also filled her with inexplicable anger, with a sense of absolute surety that this Doctor was wrong and must be stopped.

 

By any means necessary.

 

But where did those feelings come from? She'd never met the man, and clearly Amy was enamoured with him, regardless of how devastated she'd been when he just continued to not show up. So sure, Mels could give the man a good hard slap for hurting her mother, but why should it matter to her beyond that?

 

It was all so confusing.

 

But the longer Mels spent listening to Amy's stories and playing with Amy's model police box, the more memories from the orphanage leaked through. Things she'd thought were gone forever after her regeneration were seeping back into her consciousness.

 

All the evils the Doctor had committed.

 

All the wars he'd started. The planets he'd destroyed. The people he'd not saved.

 

And the burning conviction that he _must not_ be allowed to continue.

 

###

 

It amused Mels to no end that even though she'd found her parents far too early, they still acted like _parents ._ Okay, so it also made her feel kind of warm and squishy inside, but mostly it amused her.

 

No matter how much she rolled her eyes at Rory's constant pleading to behave, no matter how often she walked away and left him standing there alone, Rory was like the long-suffering father of a teenager convinced her dad was uncool. Mels honestly thought that the thoughtless cruelty she showed him would eventually drive him away, but somehow it never did.

 

She finally stopped trying and just accepted that her father was a rule-following geek, but that he loved her and that was enough.

 

And Amy...Amy spent enough time in the headmaster's office herself. All the adults in her life kept attempting to "fix" her. But every time Mels found herself in office yet again, Amy would be waiting for her outside.

 

And even though Amy was a spitfire herself and the instigator of some of the trouble the two found themselves in, the redhead seemed to want something more for Mels. Something better. Amy would fuss and lecture and rant about Mels's behavior.  

 

Good thing those two didn't know they'd be her parents some day, Mels mused. They'd probably try to ground her or something, in addition to all of their impassioned pleas.

 

Sister Anne Marie simply seemed to give up on her. Her stern face continued to show her disapproval of Mels's wayward behavior, but apart from her obvious disappointment she said and did very little.

 

She just didn't care enough to try. Rory and Amy might get on her nerves with their constant attempts to reform her, and their disappointment hurt far more than Sister Anne Marie's ever could, but at least Mels knew that they _cared_.

 

They were eleven the first time Mels caught a glimpse of the man her mother described to her when she was a baby. It was the moment Mels truly accepted Rory as her daddy (although she still couldn't figure out that really old Last Centurion bit. What did that even mean? Rory was the same as they were at the moment! Well, the same age as Amy, anyway. And he was no Roman).

 

Steven Smith was a bully. He'd picked on the three of them relentlessly for years. Mels always fought back (and was the one who usually ended up in trouble for it), but this time Steven was being especially cruel. After mocking her behavior and her marks in class, he added that even her parents didn't want her, leaving her with Sister Anne Marie. "Just like donating an old set of shoes you want to get rid of," he sneered.

 

But before Mels could even react, Rory--timid, rule-abiding Rory--had punched the jerk in the face. Steven went down.

 

He didn't stay down, but Rory was ready. And even though Rory was smaller and not remotely used to fighting, he held his own. By the time the teacher came over, both boys were bruised and bloodied.

 

Mels waited with Amy outside the headmaster's office. Funny, she'd never been on this side of things before.

 

Rory's father arrived, and Mels leapt to her feet. "Mr. Williams?"

 

He smiled warmly at her. "Hello, Mels."

 

"Please don't be too hard on him. You know he never gets in trouble. He was just trying to defend me."  

 

Rory exited the office then. Amy, instead of scolding him like she would have done Mels, high fived him. Mr. Williams shook his head in amusement and turned back to Mels.

 

"Don't worry, Mels. I've taught Rory to stand up for what's right and to defend those who need it. We'll talk about ways that might be more appropriate to do that, but I promise not to be too hard on him," he whispered in her ear. He smiled at her again. "And thank you for trying to defend him as well."

 

Mr. Williams turned to Rory. "Just wait here, son. I'll go talk to the headmaster."

 

Amy and Mels both settled down again to wait with Rory, despite his protests that it was unnecessary. "Hush," Amy said crossly. "By now I'm good at this." Mels snickered.

 

###

 

Funnily enough, Mels's first date ended up being with her father.

 

She'd snogged plenty of boys. She'd even shagged a couple. But she'd never had an actual date.

 

And Amy was living in clueless land, completely oblivious to the fact that Rory adored her. She actually thought he was gay. Rory, convinced that he'd been glaringly obvious about his feelings, assumed that Amy would just never reciprocate. So the two of them continued to spend most of their time hanging out with each other (and with Mels), but never dating.

 

And now Amy was going to the school dance with Jeff. Stupid Jeff.

 

So Rory had asked Mels. She'd hesitated, but in the end acquiesced. She really didn't know Rory as well as Amy. Maybe it was time she did.

 

The evening got off to a rough start. Rory wouldn't join in Mels's plot to sabotage Amy's date with Jeff. He'd never been one for pranks like Amy was (and he feared Amy's temper. He'd never risk her wrath).

 

That didn't stop Mels from trying. "Oh, come on, Rory! You know you don't want Amy to end up with stupid Jeff!"

 

"I want Amy to be happy, Mels. If Jeff makes her happy--"

 

"Jeff will not make her happy. He's an idiot."

 

"So was Peter. That didn't stop you."

 

Mels flinched at that. She tried not to think too much about Peter.

 

Rory put a hand on her arm. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that."

 

"S'okay," she muttered.

 

"No, it isn't," Rory insisted. "I know he hurt you, and I shouldn't have brought it up. It was a cheap shot, and I'm sorry."

 

She smiled at him. "Apology accepted. He hurt my pride more than anything. It's really fine."

 

"If it makes you feel better, I decked him for you." Mels laughed at that. Dear Rory. Always defending her.

 

The rest of the night went well. They talked and laughed (Mels had never really appreciated Rory's dry sense of humor before) and danced. Mels spoke with Amy briefly but determinedly ignored Jeff.

 

When Rory took her home, he walked her to the door and kissed her forehead. "Thanks for coming with me tonight, Mels. I had a great time."

 

Mels smiled. "I did too. You made me feel...special."

 

"You _are_ special," Rory said. "Don't you ever think otherwise. Just because worthless jerks like Peter can't see it doesn't make it not true. It just means he's an idiot."

 

"You’re special too, Rory. Amy's a lucky girl."

 

Rory laughed bitterly even as his cheeks flushed. "Yeah, well, not like she cares."

 

Looking at his face, Mels decided she was going to have to intervene. Her poor blind parents. They'd never figure it out on their own. Aloud she said, "Well, it's her loss then."

 

He snorted. "Yeah. Thanks."

 

Yeah, Mels was definitely going to have to give her parents a nudge.

  
Or maybe a whack upside the head with a two-by-four.


	3. Chapter Three

Chapter Three

Mels had intended to clue her parents in to their mutual feelings.

She hadn't intended to do so while they were in the middle of lecturing her on her behavior (again).

Of course, she hadn't really intended to steal the bus either. She didn't know why she did half the things she did, really.

But sometimes the voices in her head, going on about the Doctor and silence and _he must be stopped_ drove her absolutely mental. She just wanted to shut them up, to have a few minutes peace.

Honestly, Amy wasn't the one who needed the shrink.

So here she sat, with Amy ranting and Rory looking at her in quiet disapproval. And when Amy started railing about "why can't you just behave like a person, a normal legal person?" well, sometimes Mels wondered the same thing. She didn't care too much about being legal, but normal might be nice.

After all, normal people didn't have weird flashes from a childhood they couldn't really remember. They didn't hear voices coaxing and coercing them to kill a perfect stranger. They didn't grow up with their parents.

"It's all right for you; you've got Mr. Perfect," Mels huffed, toying with Amy's TARDIS model.

"He's not real."

Something in Mels broke a little, hearing her mother say that, and that little voice whispered, _See? He destroys people. He deserves everything he's got coming._ But she assured Amy that she wasn't referring to the Raggedy Doctor and cut her eyes to Rory. This might not be how she planned to do this, but she'd work with it.

"What, Rory? How've I got Rory?"

Oh, they were too precious, the oblivious idiots.

A few minutes later Mels giggled in satisfaction as Amy chased after Rory with a little shriek. There. At least they were sorted.

Of course, this would mean she'd well and truly rendered herself a fifth wheel (third wheel? whatever) now. But she'd also ensured her own existence, so she supposed it all evened out.

###

Mels couldn't believe she'd missed the return of Amy's Raggedy Doctor...and also _not_ missed it at the same time.

Somehow it hadn't actually happened, yet she could remember Amy telling her about it with perfect clarity. She could see the devastated look on her mother's face when the Doctor left again.

Either way-happening or not happening-Mels had missed it. She'd gone off to bum around the continent for a while and try to get out of her parents' hair.

She'd hoped to give them a chance to build their new relationship without having to worry about her. When she returned after her year away, instead of a sickeningly happy couple like she'd expected, she found Rory once again wondering if he was really what (or whom) Amy wanted and Amy lost and confused because the Doctor was supposed to have come back and he hadn't.

So Mels wasn't the only one with memory issues. She didn't know if that was comforting or frightening.

Somehow it all had to be the Doctor's fault. And she'd been going to marry the guy? She should just kill him instead.

She just wouldn't get married at all. She really wasn't the wedding type anyway.

But her parents _were_ , and she needed to figure out just what was going on with them.

Mels put her hands on her hips. "What the hell are you doing working as a kissogram? You'd _kill_ me if I became a kissogram!"

"It's a laugh," Amy insisted.

"Yes, I laugh all day long." Rory's voice dripped with sarcasm.

And Mels could see how the Amy she'd grown up pulling pranks with would see kissing random people at parties (in fancy dress, no less) as a fun kick. Hell, Mels wouldn't mind giving it a go herself. They could go as a team. Mother/daughter bonding.

But she hadn't expected the Amy who'd been so excited to learn that Rory wasn't gay after all to be flaunting her ability to attract other males so soon. Or to rub Jeff in his face as "the good-looking one." What on earth was wrong with her?

It was too soon, Mels realized. She'd buggered it up and gotten them together too soon. Amy wasn't ready yet. She hadn't recovered enough from the memories of the Doctor's abandonment, from memories of her parents' abandonment, from all the psychotherapy she'd had as a child to convince her that what she believed wasn't real-she just couldn't trust that Rory would never go anywhere. So she was showing him that she'd be just fine without him if (when, in Amy's mind) he did leave.

And she was afraid she might be giving up too much if she gave up on the Doctor just yet. Even for Rory.

Mels could fix that, when she killed him. But how could she fix this blunder she'd made of her parents' relationship? Amy was going to end up hurting Rory just as much as the Doctor had hurt her. He'd forgive her for it-Rory would forgive Amy anything-but it would do a lot of damage first.

Melody Pond was a superhero. And if she could fix herself when she was dying, well, surely she could fix this too.

###

In the end, she didn't have to. She found out later that the Doctor fixed it for her, but it was just as well she didn't know it at the time. It would have just left her all the more confused.

She happily helped Amy plan her wedding. Dresses and flowers and securing the church. Planning a menu. Helping her grandfather Augustus (not that he knew that) write his speech. Soothing Rory's nerves. Shagging stupid Jeff (to be fair, he _was_ good-looking, and it kept him out of the way while helping her blow off some tension).

The one thing Mels did not help with were the invitations. Rory had said he would take care of them. So Mels assisted Amy with her tasks and didn't give the invitations another thought.

She didn't actually see one until the day before the wedding itself.

And then she couldn't stop staring at it.

_Rory Arthur Williams and Amelia Jessica Pond request the honor or your presence..._

Rory Arthur Williams. Amelia Jessica Pond.

Arthur. Jessica. Mels felt faint. How had she not seen it before? How had she not _known_?

And she kept wrestling with _why._ If Arthur and Jessica were actually her parents, why hadn't they just kept her with them? She didn't care that they were older.

The thought, _They had to maintain the timeline_ , flickered through her brain, but it just frustrated her more. What did that actually _mean_?

Honestly, it was like she had some sort of time head or something.

Mels thought back to when "Arthur Williams" had found her in that alley. She remembered how safe and warm and _loved_ she'd felt when he scooped her up in his arms.

Her daddy had come for her, just like Mummy had promised.

But still...why had they let her go? Sure, the eye patch pirate lady had shown up, but clearly Nan and Papa had access to fancy methods of travel through time and space. Captain Jack could have just transported all of them to some safe location.

Of course, maybe it wasn't their fault. Maybe it was Captain Jack's dumb source, getting the coordinates all wrong.

Mels blamed the woman with the mad curls. It was probably her doing somehow.

Unable to look at those bloody names any longer-they were _mocking_ her-Mels tore the wedding invitation into shreds.

It wasn't enough. The need to vent her rage, to _destroy_ , consumed her.

So she set off to find something. Okay, several somethings.

She landed herself in jail. And missed her parents' wedding completely.

And since this was one occasion where her father truly couldn't come to her rescue, he sent his father instead. So Brian missed the wedding too.

Amy lit into her as soon as they returned from their honeymoon. "Mels, what were you _thinking_?" Amy yelled.

Mels couldn't even think up a good lie to answer that question. And the truth certainly didn't make sense.

Although the Doctor had apparently shown up at the wedding, so maybe Amy would accept the truth.

Pity Mels had missed it. Maybe she and the Doctor could've made it a double wedding.

Or she could just shoot him in the head. Wait, why did she want to do that again?

Before Mels could come up with any suitable answer or Amy could start shouting again, Rory was there, wrapping his arm around her. "Mels, you know we love you. Our getting married isn't going to change that."

That knocked the wind right out of Amy's sails. "Is that what this was about? Mels! You're our best friend! We'd never just leave you behind."

Mels rested her head on Rory's shoulder. In truth, she'd dealt with any "they're leaving me behind" feelings a long time ago. But it made a convenient excuse now. "They say marriage changes people."

"I don't give a toss what 'they' say! You are stuck with us, Melody Zucker." Amy spoke hotly, but then she smiled. "Besides, you know you're going to make the coolest aunt ever for our kids."

Mels's eyebrows shot up. "Kids? Already?"

"Nah." Amy waved a dismissive hand. "Not just yet. We'll travel a bit first. But soon. You know Rory's always wanted kids."

Soon. Mels couldn't help but hope that it wouldn't be too soon. She couldn't be here for her own birth. One couldn't cross one's own timestream.

At least she didn't think so. Why didn't she think so?

Rory gave her another squeeze and kissed the top of her head. She couldn't help feeling a bit bereft when he let her go, but Amy immediately hugged her too. "Stuck with us," she said again, firmly.

Mels nodded. "Yep. And that means you're stuck with me too then."

Rory laughed softly. "We wouldn't have it any other way."


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've finally arrived at Let's Kill Hitler and the "birth" of River Song! :)

Chapter Four

Rory and Amy took off traveling with the Doctor again (not that anyone other than Mels knew that's what they were doing). Mels felt restless, on edge. She thought about heading back to the continent to see what trouble she could stir up, but something held her back.

She went to London instead and checked out the singles scene there. It was fun, but none of the guys came close to the standard Rory had set for her.

She returned to Leadworth. She took over Amy's abandoned kissogram job (and to her delight, she ran into Sister Ann Marie one day while wearing the nun costume). She got arrested for skinny dipping, and Brian demonstrated where Rory got his long-suffering loyalty by coming to bail her out...again.

Amy and Rory returned, mourning a baby they'd lost. Mels knew her time was running out.

So she stole a gun. And a car.

The voices in her mind had reached a fever pitch, and she just wanted to _get away_. Maybe if she drove far enough fast enough, she could outrun them.

She made it as far as a blue box in the middle of a corn field.

And the voices only screamed louder.

Well, she'd show them. Amy said this box could travel in time and space. Mels pulled the gun. She'd just make them take her with them. If the Doctor valued his continued existence, he'd get her the hell away from here. And maybe she'd be able to figure out if he was actually as bad as the voices claimed-or if he was the decent bloke Amy seemed to think.

But the urge to _shoot him shoot him just shoot him_ got stronger and stronger. Why couldn't she fight it anymore? Why couldn't she shut up the yelling in her brain?

She shot wildly, hoping it would silence the cacophony.

Apparently she hit something important.

And then things started happening impossibly fast. They were in Berlin. In 1938. In the office of Adolf Hitler.

Mels was dying.

Again.

She stared at Amy's Raggedy Man. Through the haze of pain and confusion she managed to whisper, "When I was little, I was gonna marry you."

And the Doctor, frantic, agreed to marry her if she would just _get better_. Ridiculous man. She was Melody Pond. A superhero. She could fix this.

And because in this moment the timelines she'd always had a vague awareness of made perfect, horrible sense, she knew that Amy and Rory would be mourning their baby for a long time to come. Those seven years they'd been her Nan and Papa were all they were ever going to get.

Even that was more than had ever been intended by the Church and the evil eye patch lady.

But they needed to know. They needed to know just how much they meant to her. "So you see? It all works out. You got to raise me after all."

And wanting like hell to not end up a toddler again, she put all of her focus on her size as her body died in agony and was again reborn.

And Rory said something about someone named River Song. Who the hell was River Song?

No matter. Because this rebirth had finally ended the struggle. Everything had crystallized in her mind, and she could see with perfect clarity.

The Doctor was going to die. He had to. And she was going to be the one who killed him.

After she got a good look in a mirror.

As she studied her reflection, she took a tube of lipstick out of her pocket. She'd grabbed it while she was in London. She couldn't remember why she had done so. But as she stared at it now, she knew. She needed to wear this lipstick. She needed to kiss him. And that would be that. The Doctor would die.

She'd play with him a bit first-he'd never suspect. Actually, the flirting was kind of fun. Okay, the pain in Amy's voice when she wailed, "You're not a psychopath!" put a damper on things, but for the most part it was fun.

And then it was done. Mission accomplished. She was finally free.

She should go shopping.

Or stealing. Whatever.

Of course Amy and Rory came after her. When had they ever not?

Bless.

And then once again things started happening impossibly fast.

Agony like she'd never known. The TARDIS. (What the hell did "child of the TARDIS" mean? Why couldn't anything just _make sense_?) The Doctor with his message for River Song. The revelation that _she_ was the one the Doctor's message was for.

The realization that she could undo what she'd done.

It would be costly. Was it worth it? Was _he_ worth it?

Amy said he was. And Rory nodded.

The Doctor had earned Rory's loyalty too. She didn't need to know anymore.

_"Hello, sweetie."_

###

She awoke in a hospital bed. Amy and Rory were there.

Of course they were.

Amy scolded her for her rather reckless action. But Mels (River?) said weakly, "I had to try."

"Rule One: the Doctor lies."

She hadn't realized he was here. Why was he here?

Maybe it was all some crazy dream, because the next time she opened her eyes all three of them were gone.

But that didn't make sense. Amy and Rory would _never_ just leave her. There weren't too many things in the universe she was sure of at the moment, but she was sure of that.

Her gaze fell to a blue book on the side table. Curious, she picked it up. The pages were all blank, except for the first one.

The first one had a letter, addressed to her:

_Dear Melody Pond (River Song if you so choose),_

_I told you to find River Song for me. But really, you ought to find her for yourself. You can be anything you want to be, Melody-you don't have to let them win. They stole you and tried to use you to suit their purposes. But you are stronger than they are-Melody Pond is a superhero, Amy tells me._

_She and Rory want you to know that they love you very much. None of us hold what happened against you-you must remember that. You were programmed to kill me, and it isn't your fault. And you CHOSE to bring me back-at great cost to yourself. So never think we are angry with you or that we abandoned you._

_But you need to figure out who you want to be. And you can only do that if you are free from everyone's expectations-even ours. So we're going to give you the time and freedom you need to do that._

_I have faith in you. I know you will be amazing._

She stared at the letter for a long time. It was a lot to think about.

But in the end, the decision was easy. She picked up the pen and started to write.

_River Song was born in Berlin on the eve of war..._

###

River was released from the hospital a few days later. She stood outside, wondering what she was supposed to do next.

How was she even going to leave here? Wherever here was?

She walked around the hospital grounds a bit, then headed out into the city. A metropolitan area like this had to have a public transport system of some sort; she'd find that first and figure the rest out from there.

She ended up just wandering around the city for a while. It was unlike anything she'd ever seen.

Part of her couldn't believe she was on another planet. In another time.

Another part of her couldn't believe it had taken her this long to get here.

Apparently her parents and the Doctor had left her with some funds. She tried the local cuisine and actually _bought_ some clothes.

And then she booked a ride on a starship to another planet.

She spent a great deal of time just exploring planet after planet. She visited museums and libraries and touristy landmarks.

She also took a few odd jobs-minor cons and a few easy thefts. She didn't need the money-she'd actually been left quite flush-but it kept her from getting bored.

Eventually she found herself at Luna University.

For a while, she just browsed the library there and sat in on classes. But then it finally occurred to her that she could make something of herself. She could actually be a student here. She could earn a degree. Maybe more than one.

She could even learn about the Doctor and his effect on history-the _real_ Doctor, not the evil incarnate version she'd been brainwashed with nor the idealized version Amy had presented to her, but the actual man himself.

She threw herself into her classes and into her own private research.

She was in her second year when the man himself showed up.

She never would have recognized him if she hadn't seen the TARDIS. He looked completely different--older and grey-haired and in possession of a truly frightening set of eyebrows.

And he spoke in a Scottish accent. Like her mother. For the first time, River felt homesick.

"You've regenerated," River said, the word feeling strange on her tongue.

"Er, yes. Yes, I have. Awhile ago for me." He eyed her briefly. "The face a problem?"

She shrugged. "No. Not really." She hesitated, then asked, "Is this face a problem for you? It's the face I killed you with, after all."

Warm affection and understanding lit his eyes. "And the face you saved me with. When are we, Melody? Or is it River now?"

"I have been using River. But the only time I've seen you was in Berlin."

He smiled. "I believe I told you then that I didn't hold anything that happened that day against you, River. I meant it. Now come along. We're going on a date!"

The "date" stretched three weeks, but they returned to Luna five minutes after they'd left.

The older Doctor came back twice more while she was a student, each time taking her on a whirlwind of an extended "date." Some of the planets they traveled to had something to do with her studies; others were simply something the Doctor wanted her to see.

"Doctor?" River asked him one day. "Are you married?" She was eyeing the ring on his finger.

He smirked. "Are you asking?"

"Well, yes."

"Then...yes."

She frowned. "Wait, did you think I was proposing? Or just asking for information?"

He chuckled, looking far more amused than the situation warranted. "Yes."

"Yes to which?"

Now he laughed outright. "Yes."

She thumped the console in frustration. Aggravating man. "I hate you sometimes."

"No, you don't."

And really, she didn't. The more she got to know him, the more she wanted to live up to the River Song he knew, to become the woman he admired and regarded so much.

She hoped she was on the right track to do that.

###

She'd done it. She was going to be a doctor. River couldn't help the small smile of satisfaction that gave her.

She'd completed her undergraduate degree a few years prior, and the Doctor (the young bowtie-wearing Doctor) had brought her parents for the ceremony. It had been the first time she'd seen her parents since Berlin, and oh the tears. She didn't think Rory would ever let go when he hugged her.

She wasn't sure she would either, actually.

Finally Rory stepped back, sniffling. "Sorry. I was going to be cool."

The words rang a bell. "That's what you said-" Her mouth snapped shut. Her parents hadn't lived that yet. "Sorry. Um, spoilers?."

Rory rolled his eyes. "Great. Apparently I never manage to pull off cool."

Amy bumped him. "Hush. I told you a crying Roman was definitely cool." Before River could question the Roman bit (although that would probably fall into the category of spoilers as well), Amy said, "Now. My turn." And River found herself swept into her mother's arms.

And so she'd graduated (with honors, thank you very much) and they celebrated and it was pretty much a perfect day. Then River managed to get into the graduate program and started working toward her doctorate.

And now she'd done it. Dr. River Song.

It had a rather nice ring to it, she thought.

If only she'd gotten a chance to enjoy it.

" _You never really escaped from us, Melody Pond…"_

How did they know who she was? She'd been so careful! From the moment she'd stepped out of that hospital so long ago, she'd used River Song!

But the eye-patch lady- _Madame Kovarian_ , her mind whispered-had found her anyway.

And now she was well and truly trapped in a stupid astronaut suit. The Spaceman had eaten her after all.


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter deals with "The Wedding of River Song" and the mini episodes "First Night" and "Last Night." If you haven't seen the mini eps, I recommend looking them up on Daily Motion or You Tube, because I don't think this will make much sense otherwise. I don't really recap them--just explore what River might be thinking or feeling.

Chapter Five

 

River knew her own mind now--no voices swirling in her brain about how the Doctor must die. And the Doctor had told her she could make her own choices.

 

So she did. She chose not to kill him. He could take his “fixed point” and his “this must happen” and stuff it. 

 

Really, he ought to be happier about the whole thing. 

 

Maybe the fact that time was falling apart all around them had something to do with his lack of appreciation. 

 

It was a problem, to be sure. But Amy was there, and they were working on it.  _ She could fix this .  _

 

If only the idiot Doctor would let her.

 

But this Doctor was so young. This Doctor wasn’t the one who visited her those times at Luna. Sure, he’d brought her parents to her graduation, but he hadn’t done any of the rest. 

 

It made it easier for her to understand his anger. He thought it was a fixed point. He didn’t  know that he’d survive this, that an older him would be coming to call on her soon. He thought he had to die. 

 

He insisted there wasn’t any other way to resolve the paradox. But somehow there had to be. And there were plenty of offers to help coming in. Someone would have an idea. 

 

She just didn’t know what it would be yet. 

 

But she wasn’t going to kill him. She loved him. 

 

He lived up to the expectations her dad had created for her. No way was she walking away from that.

 

Even if he didn’t want to marry her. Even if he thought her ideas were stupid. Even if she embarrassed him. 

 

And then things started happening too fast again. Suddenly the man who’d not ten minutes before insisted that he didn’t want to marry was having her poor clueless father give her away. And her hand was wrapped around a bowtie, and she was staring into the Doctor’s eye.

 

A Teselecta. He was safe inside a Teselecta. She only had to  _ pretend _ to kill him.

 

Well, why hadn’t he just said so in the first place? Idiot. “Then you may definitely kiss the bride.”

 

“I’ll make it a good one.”

 

“You’d better.”

 

He did.

 

###

 

Stormcage. River eyed the cell that was to be her home for the next--well, for the rest of her life and beyond if the sentencing board was to be believed. 

 

River wasn’t entirely sure her parents would stand for that. 

 

Not to mention the Doctor. 

 

But for now it was fine. The Doctor was safe and sound. But the universe believed him dead, so time was functioning normally again. She started settling in.

 

She hadn’t gotten very far into the process when she heard the familiar wheeze. She might’ve known he wouldn’t leave her here long. She smiled and ran inside the TARDIS. The Doctor stood waiting to greet her, dressed in a suit rather than his usual tweed. A dress hung nearby. 

 

“The dress is a little daring.”    
  


 

“Yep, so I went for this instead.” 

 

And he told her about the blue book being a diary, told her that there were  _ rules  _ now. She wondered if that meant the older version of him, popping in and out during her university days, had been breaking the rules. 

 

That was a rather delicious thought. Naughty Doctor. 

 

She headed off to find something suitable to wear for a honeymoon date. It was a honeymoon, wasn’t it? They were really married, weren’t they? Sure, it had been an aborted timeline, but her older Doctor had been wearing a  _ ring _ . And he’d been so delighted when she’d asked him about being married--so surely their wedding  _ counted _ .

 

But she could hear a woman’s voice coming from the console room, and she was certain that it wasn’t her mother’s. She asked him about it, but he insisted he was just talking to himself. 

 

Yeah. Right. Because he sounded so much like a sultry woman. 

 

But she did catch a glimpse of another version of her baby-faced husband exiting the TARDIS when she re-entered the console room again. “There’s two of you! The mind races.” 

 

The Doctor looked at her with something like amused affection. “Right, come on, you. Let’s go and see the stars.”

 

“But I haven’t changed,” she protested. 

 

“And you never will, River, never ever.” 

 

Funny, he sounded so relieved when he said that. A bit flattering really. 

 

He wouldn’t tell her what his other self was doing here, but she let it go. Not without teasing him a little (had to keep him on his toes after all), but she mostly let it go. 

 

They ate a rather generous portion of chips then took the lift to the top of the tree. The view was everything the Doctor had promised her. 

 

And when he made love to her beneath those myriads upon myriads of stars, it was everything she’d ever dreamed of.

 

### 

 

Melody Pond had waited seven years at the orphanage for her father to come before she took matters into her own hands.

 

Apparently River Song lacked a child’s patience, because she only made it five years before she got tired of waiting for the Doctor and broke out of Stormcage to track him down. 

 

Besides the Doctor had spoiled her, saying that she broke out all the time--obviously he didn't expect her to wait for him anyway. 

 

So she stole a transport and took herself to the Planet of the Coffee Shops. She not only discovered that the hyper-caf blend imported from Bantam Vartel was practically sex in a mug, she also managed to get her hands on a vortex manipulator.

 

Oh, now this had possibilities.  

 

Thankfully, the nausea she’d experienced from the device as a child was gone now. She spent weeks using it on its random setting (far more interesting that way) and zapping herself around the universe. 

 

She stirred up quite a bit of trouble. Thankfully the device made for a handy escape route. 

 

But then she materialized in the middle of a battlefield and a Sontaran nearly took her head off. 

 

She probably should have just bounced to the next location, but she was cross. So she antagonized them.

 

A lot. 

 

And then they followed her across the galaxy. 

 

That was all right though. She knew how to get rid of them. She just needed to find the Doctor.

 

She headed back to Calderon Beta. 

 

The Sontarans’ fire got a bit closer than she really wanted to admit, but the Doctor opened the TARDIS doors just in time. “I knew you’d come back here, you nostalgic idiot.” She collapsed against him as he frantically cried her name.

 

The utter panic in his voice was gratifying, she had to admit.

 

It quickly changed to mild exasperation when he realized she was playing him. And then stronger exasperation when she admitted she'd baited the Sontarans. “River, you can’t  _ do _ things like that.”

 

Well, that was just ridiculous. What did the man expect? If he was going to leave her bored and alone in a prison for five years, he had to let her have  _ some _ fun. 

 

She noticed the dress. “Doctor, have you brought someone else here? Does  _ anyone _ agree to wear that dress? Where is she?”

 

He sighed. “River, think it through…”

 

But it had been a  long five years, and she was cross. “This happened the last time we were here. You brought someone else.”

 

He protested, but she was beyond listening and stormed off to find the intruder. She could use the shooting practice. 

 

She didn’t find the other woman, but she could again hear the Doctor talking to someone when she got back to the console room. How many women did he have on this ship, anyway? “Who were you talking to?”

 

“You. I’m taking you back to Stormcage, Dr. Song.” He reached for her vortex manipulator. 

 

“Oh, at least give me a lift. You know what this thing does to my hair.” If she could just stay aboard a bit longer, she was sure they could sort this…

 

But he said her hair was always like that, and then she was back in her cell. Bugger. 

 

She sank slowly down on her bed. Well, then. Maybe it was time to rethink this whole thing. 

 

Because clearly five years ago hadn’t been a honeymoon at all. The Doctor was cavorting with other women while leaving her in a prison cell to rot. She’d been so sure that the wedding counted since they both remembered, but apparently aborted timelines didn’t have any lasting effects on reality. 

 

She couldn’t explain the older Doctor’s appearances at Luna, but it didn’t really matter much. It obviously didn’t mean what she’d thought (hoped) it had. 

 

She stared at the vortex manipulator on her wrist and contemplated a visit to her parents’. She could do with a Rory hug about now. And Amy would make her laugh and forget all about her troubles. Maybe even get drunk with her. 

 

But she didn’t even have the energy to figure out the coordinates. So she just sat. 

 

Eventually she realized she was crying. 

 

Well, that wouldn’t do. River Song didn’t sit around crying over things that couldn’t be helped. Given her childhood, she’d never get anything done if she did that. 

 

And it wasn’t like the Doctor hadn’t told her. Tried to tell her. She just hadn’t wanted to listen. 

 

But she could see it now. He’d said it back at the hospital, when she mentioned that he must have known that she could save him. “The Doctor lies.” Of course he’d known.

 

And if he’d known she could save him, he would have also known what words to say to make her want to. 

 

He’d even told her he didn’t want to marry her, and he’d been far too angry to be lying then. But she’d backed him into a corner, and he didn’t see any way out. So he’d given her a wedding that didn’t count and a quick trip and a shag as compensation for life in prison. 

 

And she’d believed it all. Brilliant.

 

River curled up into a little ball and sobbed in earnest. Just this once wouldn’t hurt. She could be strong again tomorrow. 

 

She ran out of tears about the time she heard a familiar wheeze.

 

Oh, now that was just cruel. Why’d he have to come  now ? 

 

And he was beaming, positively  beaming , at her. “Hi, honey, I’m home! Where are we then?” 

 

She stared at him for a moment, then slapped him as hard she could. 

 

He squeaked in surprise. “Right. So I’m guessing I haven’t done whatever prompted that yet. Hope it was worth it.” 

 

She swore, remembering his instructions on their honeym--on their trip five years ago. She had to be careful of spoilers. “Have you done Lake Silencio? Area 52? Calderon Beta?” 

 

He looked confused. “Yes, I’ve done all of those.” 

 

“So you’ve kicked me out of the TARDIS after a skirmish with some Sontarans?” 

 

“Yes, but--” He stopped. “Is  _ that _ what this is about?” 

 

She rolled her eyes. “Doctor, you had at least one, possibly two other women aboard the TARDIS. I hadn’t seen you in five years, and you summarily dismissed me.  _ Yes _ , that’s what this is about.”

 

“But both those women were you, River! Just at different points in your timestream. And--” He stopped again, this time his eyes widening in horror and realization. “ _ Five years? _ ”

 

“Yes, Doctor, five years. I finally broke out on my own. Got tired of waiting.”

 

“Surprised it took you that long, really,” he mumbled. She contemplated slapping him again, and it must have shown on her face because he said, “It  _ shouldn’t _ take you that long, River! Never wait that long again, okay? I don’t...I don’t like to think of you being in here for all that time. I certainly never intended for it to be that long.” 

 

The fight left her. “It’s fine, Doctor. I made my choice, and this is as good a place to sleep as any. You don’t need to feel guilty. I’ll be all right.” 

 

“You’ll be amazing,” the Doctor proclaimed. 

 

She smiled slightly at that. “Thank you.” 

 

“Right then.” He clapped his hands in excitement. “Our next adventure! You won’t believe what I’ve got for us this time, dear. On Nantuck Gamma--”

 

“Doctor, it’s fine,” River cut him off. “I can take care of myself. You’re free to go.”

 

“Go? Why would I want to go? I mean, I do want to go, but I want to take you with me!”

 

“Look, sweetie, you know I love you. I made that abundantly clear on that bloody pyramid. But I don’t expect anything from you.” 

 

His face closed off in a hurt expression. “Well, I always figured I was a rubbish husband, but I never thought I’d bugger it up  _ that _ quick!”

 

“Stop it, Doctor. Just stop it. It wasn’t real.” 

 

“It wasn’t real? What wasn’t real? Maybe not to you, Dr. Song, but it was certainly real to me!” 

 

“Doctor, you specifically said that you didn’t want to marry me. But then I basically left you no choice, so you did it anyway. But that reality doesn’t exist anymore, so we’re not really married, and you don’t need to come back here giving me little consolation trips. I am  _ nobody’s _ obligation.” 

 

“No. No, of course you’re not. You are River Song, the most brilliant and completely  _ maddening _ woman in the known universe!” She started to speak, but he cut her off. “Shut up! Just shut up. I told you, back at the Sisters of the Infinite Schism, that I lie. I lie all the time, River. One day you’ll know better than anyone when I am doing so. And I forget sometimes how very young you are now and that you don’t yet know the difference.” He looked her straight in the eye.

 

“Now you listen to me. You were talking about history’s view of us--were you the woman who married me or the woman who murdered me? In that moment, River, I desperately needed you to be the woman who murdered me. It didn’t matter that I wanted you to be the former; I  _ needed  _ you to be the latter. And I was angry. And I needed you to be angry. So I lied. I said I didn’t want to marry you.  _ That  _ was the lie, River, I swear. Not the wedding itself.” 

 

How did she possibly have more tears? How could they be filling her eyes again? “And leaving me here all this time?”

 

He sighed and closed his eyes. “I’m sorry, River. Truly, I am. I assure you that it was unintentional. But you are the daughter of Amy Pond; you  _ know _ how often I get the timing wrong.”

 

The tears spilled over even as the tension drained from her. She smiled tremulously at him. “Okay, then. Nantuck Gamma?”

 

He returned her smile with a relieved one of his own. “Nantuck Gamma. And next stop: everywhere.” 


	6. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This chapter deals with the time period between the wedding/honeymoon and the events of The Impossible Astronaut/Day of the Moon for River. For the Doctor, it begins post-wedding, but most of the adventures alluded to occurred either during the 200 years he was on the run before going to Lake Silencio or during the second half of Series 6 where he would see River while Amy and Rory slept (alluded to in the mini eps "Bad Night" and "Good Night").
> 
> I'm really nervous about this chapter (I think it's my weakest one), so I hope someone enjoys it! :-p

Chapter Six

The poor Doctor. River swallowed a laugh.

He'd come to pick her up while her parents were sleeping. "I thought we could have a family outing in the morning!" he'd said. And while that was a perfectly lovely thought, the current familial bonding taking place really wasn't going all that well.

Amy had apparently threatened before to wake up in the middle of the night so she could say hello to her daughter. Tonight she'd made good on her threat.

And brought Rory with her.

Unfortunately, in their eagerness, River and the Doctor hadn't quite made it past the console room. They were well and truly _in flagrante delicto_ when her parents arrived.

Now the four stood in absolute silence. The Doctor had put his trousers back on and was staring resolutely at the controls, refusing to meet anyone's gaze. River was wearing his shirt and trying not to wink conspiratorially at her mother. And Amy, who'd always been her best mate and partner in crime as much as her mum, was simply smirking, looking far more entertained than any mother had a right to.

The reason for their rather deafening silence stood off to the side, his arms crossed and his expression thunderous. He looked like he might return to his room for his sword at any moment. The angry Centurion. River might not yet know how her father came to be the Last Centurion, but there was no denying that he was very Roman in this moment.

No one dared to speak lest he lose what seemed to be the rather tenuous grip on his self-control.

Finally it was Rory himself who broke the silence. "So tell me, Doctor-you've done Area 52, right?"

The Doctor squeaked. "Of course!"

And Rory just shook his head, the fight draining out of him. "Good. That's good then." He turned to River. "And you, young lady-you're post Area 52 as well?"

River wanted so badly to feign ignorance. But she'd caused her father enough grief for one evening, so she simply said, "Yes, Dad. He's already made an honest woman out of me."

Rory rubbed his face. "Right then. So we just won't leave our room in the middle of the night anymore, and everything will be fine."

Neither Amy nor River could resist any longer. They collapsed against each other, giggling madly. Rory huffed and rolled his eyes.

The Doctor, content that once again all was right in world, clapped his hands. "Okay! Pond family outing. I'm taking us to Eglan 5, intergalactically famous for its scones. Really, they're like culinary works of art." He made a face. "Best take your own tea though-theirs is rubbish."

So they had scones and tea, and River and Amy had a great time flirting with some of the other diners. It made Rory scowl and the Doctor sputter, but it was all good fun.

Until they got arrested.

Honestly, who knew that on certain worlds _winking_ was a derogatory insult?

"We ought to leave you two in there," the Doctor grumbled through the cell doors. "You'd deserve it. We were on a date, River! You aren't supposed to flirt with other men on a date!"

"Do you prefer I flirt with women then?" River asked innocently. "I'd be happy to oblige."

"Maybe we could work on getting you two out of here instead of planning the future flirting?" Rory suggested.

"Fine, Dad, just ruin all the fun," River grumbled good-naturedly as she set about picking the lock.

She and Amy giggled all the way to the TARDIS.

###

River wrote her adventures with the Doctor in the diary just as he'd instructed, but for the life of her she couldn't figure out why. Area 52, Calderon Beta, Nantuck Gamma, and Eglan 5-they seemed to be in the same order for both of them. River and her husband going on fun outings. Wasn't it supposed to be more confusing than this?

And then suddenly it was.

The next Doctor who came to call beamed at her and kissed her and spirited her off to an aquatic world with the most impressive coral reef in the known universe. And the fish came in every known color of the visible light spectrum. And they _sang_ -hauntingly beautiful songs of love and life and sea and sky.

It was amazing. And the Doctor only seemed halfway present for any of it.

"Sweetie, what's wrong?" River nestled into his side as they sat on the shore. Being the only two sentient land beings on an entire planet ought be an invitation to naughtiness, she thought. But the Doctor's heart wasn't in it at all.

He smiled at her. "Sorry, dear. Not being a very good date, am I?"

"It's fine. But I do wish you'd let me in-let me help you."

"No one can help me. There's only so long and so far I can run."

 _He hadn't done Lake Silencio or Area 52 yet_ , River realized with a sudden sinking feeling. This Doctor was not her husband. And from the terrible look of resigned grief in his eyes, he hadn't even worked out the Teselecta plan yet-he thought he was going to die.

Silly man. Did he really think she'd murder him again? After everything she'd sacrificed to bring him back the last time?

But remembering his impassioned words on the beach, she knew he did. He didn't think she had any choice. And she knew his rules-no spoilers. So she rested her head on his shoulder and just sat with her arms wrapped around him.

The next visit was a Doctor who didn't even have the look of resignation-just panic and sadness and _run run run_. He whisked her away to a different watery world, and they met a rather delightful fish-man named Jim who was trying to harness the power of the great river. Jim adored River's name, saying the river sang songs to him that no one else seemed to hear.

The next trip was Easter Island, where the natives worshiped the Doctor and built statues in his honor.

Funny, she'd always wondered about those statues. Idly she wondered if the Doctor had something to do with Stonehenge as well.

But this Doctor was even younger, knew her even less. Was this how it was going to work then? Kind of a reversed timestream to each other?

She supposed that made a certain sort of sense; she hadn't seen the older Doctor since her Luna days. She supposed Berlin and her graduation and the post-wedding adventures were just anomalies.

Still, it was all a bit weird.

But then, when had her life been anything but?

###

River wondered sometimes if the Doctor deliberately sought out water adventures because of her name.

It was getting ridiculous really.

And she didn't like the English-monarch-turned fish nearly as well as dear old Jim.

The next time she broke out on her own she'd go back and check on Jim-see how his dam was coming along.

They finally managed to get fish and queen returned to their proper places. The Doctor asked if River could get back to Stormcage on her own. "Apparently Amy needs to _talk_."

River chuckled at his distaste. "Sure, sweetie. Go take care of Mum." She frowned as he started to walk away. "Wait, where are you going?"

He turned to face her. "Back to the TARDIS, of course. To take care of Amy, remember? Why? Is there something I should do first?"

She caught sight of his slight smirk. The git was _teasing_ her! "Oh, stop it, you" she grumbled good-naturedly, pulling him toward her for their good-bye kiss.

He might be getting progressively younger, but at least she still had this.

The guards found and confiscated her vortex manipulator, which made escaping a bit more difficult. The Doctor showed up often enough that it wasn't a big deal though.

They were on Earth, having a picnic in Colonial America, when he warned her what was coming. "River, I think it's getting close for you. You're going to begin seeing a me who doesn't know who you are."

River sagged as if he'd punched her in the gut. "Already?"

He gazed at her sadly. "I'll know that you're River Song. I'll know that you are someone important in my future. But until I do Demon's Run, I won't know that you're Melody Pond. I won't know that you have Timelord DNA. I won't know that you're Amy and Rory's daughter."

"But they'll know, right?"

"No. I'm sorry, but they won't. You'll have to be very careful. Best to avoid any paradoxes."

"So I should start noting adventures with my parents too then," River guessed.

He nodded. "And...you'll need this." He handed her a low-level perception filter. She hadn't used one of these since she was Mels growing up in Leadworth. "To hide the double heartbeats. We, uh, end up kind of pressed up close together a few times before I know who you are."

She laughed at that. "Good to know that some things don't change."

"No, some things don't. Some things change a lot though. River...I want you to remember something. I fall in love with you far earlier than I actually _act_ like I love you. And...I'm sorry for that."

"It's okay. I killed you the first time I met you. At least you didn't do anything as awful as that."

###

They continued the water theme, and the Doctor took her to a marvelous tropical world. This one was somewhat touristy, but it was fun and it seemed to boost both their spirits.

And then they ended up accidentally married. To _other_ people.

And then the Doctor threw a fit about it. (River rather liked the gentleman who was her groom and found him a delight to flirt with. The Doctor was less than pleased.)

But it was easy enough to get the marriages dissolved, so River figured no harm, no foul. Apparently her petulant sweetie did not agree.

Finally she just got tired of fighting with him and left him with the otters. She'd take the TARDIS somewhere on her own.

She spent a month just exploring. It was actually kind of nice. But she finally decided to return for the Doctor, who was quite apologetic by this point.

Although he did want to bring the otters aboard. "We could keep them in the swimming pool!"

###

He came for her birthday. Oh, what a wonderful day that was. The Frost Fair. Ice skating on the Thames. Stevie Wonder!

He still wasn't her husband, but he did seem a bit older than the last time she'd seen him, so River would take it. A brief reprieve in their spiral in opposite directions.

She told the guards to turn off the alarms and was waltzing her way back to her cell when she noted what appeared to be a Roman centurion standing off in the shadows. "Oh, are you boys dressing up as Romans now? I thought nobody read my memos."

He stepped out of the shadows to reveal himself. Rory! Was he the Last Centurion now? What had she missed?

But before she could ask any of her questions, he spoke. "Dr Song? It's Rory. Sorry, have we met yet? Time streams, I'm not quite sure where we are…"

 _Dear heavens._ Never had River heard Rory speak so formally. Even when she was Mels and he'd had no clue whatsoever that he was her father, he'd never talked to her like this. He'd started lecturing about her behavior the moment he met her! Who was this polite stranger?

But she swallowed down the tears and forced herself to say, "Yes. Yes, we've met. Hello, Rory."

And her father, her wonderful, beautiful father, even not having a clue in the world who she was asked, "What's wrong?"

She'd thought she was ready. She'd thought she could handle this. But she couldn't. Overwhelmed, she began to babble, "It's my birthday. The Doctor took me ice skating on the River Thames in 1814, the last of the great frost fairs. He got Stevie Wonder to sing for me under London Bridge."

"Stevie Wonder sang in 1814?"

"Yes, he did. But you must never tell him." As if Rory would be hanging out with Stevie Wonder anytime soon.

Although, traveling with the Doctor, who really knew?

"I've come from the Doctor too," Rory said.

'Yes, but at a different point in time."

"Unless there's two of them," Rory joked.

"Now, that's a whole different birthday." River knew that suggestive statement would get a rise out of her father.

But Rory wasn't her father yet. And he didn't react. He just kept talking. "He needs you."

And with sudden, sickening clarity River knew what was happening. Her birthday date today had been an anomaly because it marked a last. "Demon's Run," she said with certainty.

Her Doctor would no longer know who she was.

Rory looked confused. "How...how did you know?"

"I'm from his future. I always know." At the moment she hated the knowing. The knowing was breaking her heart. She eyed her father. "Why on earth are you wearing that?"

"The Doctor's idea." Rory rolled his eyes.

"Of course. His rules of engagement. Float like a butterfly. Sting like a bee."

"Look ridiculous," Rory huffed.

River smirked at him. She couldn't let him see how much this was hurting her. "Have you considered heels?"

But Rory was done with banter. He walked toward River. "They've taken Amy. And our baby. The Doctor's getting some people together, we're going after her, but he needs you too."

Oh, he sounded so earnest. River almost said hang the paradoxes and told him yes, just because it was Rory asking. The universe could cope; she wasn't going to be able to for much longer.

But she knew. The Doctor had explained it all in great detail on that American picnic. "I can't. Not yet anyway."

Rory looked like she'd struck him. "I'm sorry?"

"This is The Battle of Demon's Run. The Doctor's darkest hour. He'll rise higher than ever before and then fall so much further. And...I can't be with him till the very end."

"Why not?" And the disgust in his voice almost undid her completely.

"Because this is it." She shut herself in the cell. "This is the day he finds out who I am." _And from my perspective, the last time he'll ever know it…_

Rory continued to stare at her in a mixture of anger and disbelief. Finally, he just shook his head. "Right. Fine. You know, I figured since you were obviously important to the Doctor and since Amy liked you so much that you probably didn't deserve to be in here. That you were a good person. Sorry to have been wrong." He stalked off, the cape swishing behind him.

And River collapsed on her bed and burst into tears.


	7. Chapter Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter covers "The Impossible Astronaut."

Chapter Seven

 

River stared at the blue envelope.  _ A summons _ _._ To what she didn’t know. 

 

But she did know from whom, so she set about breaking out of her cell and getting to America. 

 

She shot a Stetson off the Doctor’s head. That boosted her spirits considerably. “Hello, sweetie.” 

 

And apparently she had another anomaly on her hands, because this Doctor knew about Easter Island and Jim the Fish. 

 

Comforting, since her parents had no clue who she was. 

 

But they at least had met her before and seemed to like her, so she relaxed and enjoyed the day. A picnic. Wine and laughter. Watching the Doctor spit out said wine and laughing all the more. 

 

And then...an astronaut rose from the lake.

 

He wouldn’t...he  _ couldn’t _ .

 

But he had, she remembered, feeling sick. He’d already told her that he had. He’d wanted her to know that “this must always happen.” 

 

And that she was forgiven. Always and completely. 

 

Well, maybe that had been his intent, but that wasn’t how it felt from this end. 

 

It felt just as unforgivably cruel as she’d thought at the time. 

 

River drew a deep breath. Okay. No time to wallow. She had to take care of her mother.

 

So she and Rory held back an increasingly hysterical Amy. “Amy! Stay back! The Doctor said stay back!” 

 

And even though she knew, even though she’d already lived it and  _ knew _ it was the Teselecta, River couldn’t hold back her own reaction as she watched him fall with the second shot, his regeneration cut off too soon. “No! Doctor!” 

 

She ran with her parents to the Doctor’s body. Okay, time to play her part. She started scanning, knowing full well what she’d find. 

 

But Amy needed to be convinced. Amy, who sobbed next to her in despair, her voice pleading with River to fix this. So River rose and aimed and shot at the astronaut heading back into the lake. 

 

It accomplished nothing. “Of course not.” 

 

But Amy needed her to try. 

 

And the redhead still wasn’t accepting it. “River, he can't be dead. This is impossible.”

 

River sighed. “Whatever that was, it killed him in the middle of his regeneration cycle. His body was already dead. He didn't make it to the next one.” 

 

“Maybe he's a clone or a duplicate or something.” 

 

And River was tempted, so tempted, to say  _ yes, you’re right. You’re exactly right, Mum. He knew this was coming, and he planned ahead, and he’s absolutely fine. _

 

The Doctor must have known how badly River would want to blurt out the truth. He’d planned for this too. Because the man from the truck walked over to them. “I believe I can save you some time. That most certainly is the Doctor, and he is most certainly dead. He said you'd need this.”

 

Bless him. He wasn’t going to force her to lie to her mother. Not about this. 

 

“Gasoline?” Rory asked. 

 

This River could handle. This didn’t really involve any lies--half-truths, maybe, but no lies. “A Timelord's body is a miracle. Even a dead one. There are whole empires out there who'd rip this world apart for just one cell. We can't leave him here. Or anywhere.” 

 

Amy begged the Doctor to wake up and asked Rory what they should do.

 

River knew the answer to that one. “We're his friends. We do what the Doctor's friends always do. As we're told.” She picked up the gas can. 

 

And Rory, being Rory, insisted that if they were going to do it they do it properly. 

 

So they did, keeping a silent vigil as the Doctor’s body (the Tessalecta) burned in the dark. Finally River turned to the man. “Who are you? Why did you come?” 

 

“Same reason as you.” He pulled a blue envelope from his pocket. River pulled hers out as well. “Dr. Song...Amy...Rory. I'm Canton Everett Delaware III. I won't be seeing you again. But...you'll be seeing me.” He picked up the can and headed back to his truck. 

 

“Four,” River murmured thoughtfully. 

 

“Sorry, what?” Rory asked. 

 

“The Doctor numbered the envelopes,” she explained.

 

###

 

They returned to the diner. Amy, in her grief, was still lost. River tried again. “You got three, I was two, Mr. Delaware was four.”

 

“So?” Rory asked.

 

“So where’s one?”

 

“You think he invited someone else?” 

 

“Well, he must have. He planned all of this to the last detail,” River insisted.

 

But Amy was done. “Will you shut up? It doesn't matter.”

 

It did matter. “He was up to something.”

 

Back and forth they went, with Amy insisting that it was all pointless and River trying to convince her that there was more to it. Even Rory sided with River, saying, “Hey. It mattered to him.” 

 

Amy still wasn’t sold; she simply hurt too much. River could certainly understand that. “But he still needs us. I know. Amy...I know. But right now we have to focus.” 

 

They found the envelope marked with a one and were trying to figure out to whom it belonged when the Doctor himself sauntered in without a care in the world.

 

Bloody hell. “This is cold. Even by your standards, this is cold.” 

 

“Or hello, as people used to say.” Why’d he have to sound so cheerful, anyway?

 

Amy floundered. “How can you be okay?” 

 

“Of course I'm okay, I'm always okay.” He hugged her.  “I'm the king of okay. Oh, that's a rubbish title, forget that title.” He released her. “Rory the Roman, that's a good title. Hello, Rory!” He hugged him as well before turning to River. “And Dr. River Song...oh, you bad, bad girl, what trouble have you got for me this time?”

 

He really was a bastard sometimes. River slapped him--hard.

 

“Okay...I'm assuming that's for something I haven't done yet.”

 

“Yes, it is,” River said quietly. 

 

“Good, looking forward to it.”

 

“I don't understand. How can you be here?” Rory asked and poked the Doctor.

 

“I was invited. Date, map reference. Same as you lot, I assume, otherwise it's a hell of a coincidence.”

 

Amy still hadn’t put it all together. “River, what’s going on?” 

 

So River pushed the Doctor to admit his age...and to admit that he hadn’t gone on those adventures they were reminiscing about earlier. So much for her anomaly. Instead she was going to deal with a Doctor who was pre-Demon’s Run, who had no clue who she was.

 

Just like her parents didn’t. 

 

But her parents needed her, so River huddled with them and tried again to explain it all. 

 

And oh, they were young. Rory actually asked if the Doctor wanted them to avenge him. 

 

Amy was convinced they could save him. River wished she could tell her that they didn’t need to. 

 

Instead she stuck to the role she’d been given--well, been thrust into. “We've told him all we can. We can't even tell him we've seen his future self. He's interacted with his own past. It could rip a hole in the universe.” 

 

“Except he’s done it before,” Amy insisted.

 

“And in fairness, the universe did blow up,” Rory retorted. River wondered if she was there for that one. She rather hoped so. 

 

The Doctor poked his head down then, complaining that they weren’t around to admire his cleverness. River rolled her eyes. “Couldn’t you just slap him sometimes?” 

 

The Doctor threw a wrench into things by refusing to follow the summons to 1969. River tried to convince him. “You're going to have to trust us this time.”

 

He actually snorted at her. “Trust you? Sure.” He sauntered over. “But first of all, Dr. Song, just one thing... Who are you? You're someone from my future, getting that, but who? Okay... Why are you in prison? Who did you kill? Hmm? Now, I love a bad girl, me, but trust you? Seriously?”

 

He was  that  early? She knew he didn’t know she was Melody Pond, but he didn’t even trust her yet? River swallowed. This was going to be harder than she thought. 

 

_ “I want you to remember something. I fall in love with you far earlier than I actually act like I love you. And...I’m sorry for that.”  _

 

Maybe this was what he’d been talking about. 

 

Amy pulled herself together and salvaged the situation. The Doctor trusted  _ her _ . 

 

But River squashed it all down and set about correcting the Doctor’s TARDIS flying. Not that she’d admit that was what she was doing. “Just admiring your skills, sweetie.” 

 

They landed, and the Doctor bounded into the Oval Office. 

 

And managed to get a whole lot of guns pointed at him. 

 

And then he introduced her and Amy and Rory as “the Legs, the Nose, and Mrs. Robinson.” 

 

“I really hate you sometimes,” she told him. 

 

“No, you don’t!” 

 

He sounded flirtatious. River brightened. He still flirted with her! 

 

This would be all right after all. 

 

###

 

Listening to the recording of a little girl pleading for help was harder than she’d expected. 

 

She barely remembered making that call, but hearing her own voice brought back all the terror she’d felt at the time.  _ “Please help! Please help me!” _

 

No time to dwell though. She examined the space suit, told the Doctor it was alien tech. 

 

Had there been aliens at the orphanage? Was Madame Kovarian alien? Surely not Dr. Renfrew…

 

The Doctor popped over to find the girl, and suddenly Amy was beside her. River glanced at her. “I know what you’re thinking.”

 

“No, you don’t,” Amy protested. 

 

_ Oh, Mum, of course I do.  _ “You're thinking if we can find the Space Man in 1969, and neutralise it, then it won't be around in 2011 to kill the Doctor.”

 

Amy grumbled that it was a lucky guess. 

 

River sighed. “That's only because I was thinking it too.” It was tempting. She could be saved as a child. All of the horror of the orphanage undone. No dying lost and alone in the back streets of New York. No having to leave her beloved “grandparents” only to discover that the timing was off and her parents weren’t grown up yet. She could be just a normal girl living a normal life with her mum and dad.

 

But the ramifications of undoing all that…

 

“It doesn't work like that. We came here because of what we saw in the future. If we try and prevent the future from happening, we create a paradox.”

 

But Amy had always been stubborn. “Time can be rewritten.” 

 

River smiled wistfully. “Not all of it.” 

 

She climbed down into the tunnels. There was a moment where she felt a flash of terror, but by the time she climbed back up the ladder it was gone. “All clear. Just tunnels, nothing down there I can see. Er, give me five minutes, I want to take another look round.” 

 

Why did she want to take another look? 

 

Honestly, this was her childhood all over again. 

 

But the Doctor agreed and even sent Rory with her. She could tell he didn’t want to come, but he was Rory, so he did it anyway. 

 

And because he was Rory, he also tried to talk her out of breaking into the locked hatch. “Is this sensible?”

 

It felt so  _ good _ to have him be a father again, even if he didn’t know that was what he was doing. She laughed in delight. “I hope not!” 

 

“You and the Doctor...I can kind of picture it,” he murmured. She bit back another laugh, knowing he’d have quite an accurate picture one day. 

 

He asked her about her earlier words. She really ought to answer, “Spoilers,” but it was Rory and she really didn’t lie to him. So she told him, all of it. It felt good just to get it all out. 

 

And Rory empathized far more than she’d expected. Was this Rory  _ still _ insecure about the Doctor? Still believing he’d been Amy’s second choice?

 

They were married. How could he still be thinking that? 

 

How could she fix it? 

 

She’d have to figure it out later, because right now she had bigger problems. “These tunnels, they're not just here, they're everywhere. They're running under the surface of the entire planet! They've been here for centuries!” 

  
There was a crackle of energy from the tunnel behind them. Rory turned, and there was a bright flash. River screamed.  _ “Rory!” _


	8. Chapter Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter deals with events from "Day of the Moon." It love this episode ridiculously lots, so I hope I've done it justice! :)

Chapter Eight

 

Three months. She’d been on the run for three months. 

 

River was exhausted. 

 

They’d decided to separate. The goal was to learn as much as they could about the mysterious aliens who apparently occupied the planet--and had for a very long time. 

 

Hard to learn much when you couldn’t remember anything you found out.

 

Although suddenly her childhood made  _ so _ much more sense. 

 

She made it to New York. Starting in Florida and ending up in New York--how symmetrical. 

 

Hopefully the ending would be different this time. 

 

She was heading to a new office construction when she got the note.  _ “Come to 34th Street. 2:00 p.m. We’ll be waiting.” _

 

The envelope was TARDIS blue. 

 

She went. 

 

She got there a few minutes early and was wandering up and down the street when she heard the voice. 

 

"River?"

 

She turned, and her eyes widened. It was her father, but he was older than she'd ever seen him.

 

Well...older than she'd seen him since she was a little girl, living with Arthur and Jessica Williams.

 

She almost called him Papa, just because that was how she'd known him when he was this old. But she caught herself just in time. This was July of 1969. He hadn't yet found a newly-regenerated toddler in a back alley.

 

He was probably here setting up a house and a life so he could do exactly that, but she wouldn't spoil him. "Dad?"

 

He opened his arms, smiling even though he was in tears. "Come here, baby girl."

 

She ran to him. It was just so hard--traveling with a clueless Amy and Rory and a Doctor who didn't trust her and revisiting all the parts of her childhood she couldn't really remember. Rory's arms closed around her, and River burrowed in. It was like coming home. Now she was safe.

 

Her daddy would always come for her when she needed him. Always.

 

It was a long time before either of them pulled away, but finally Rory eased back slightly. "Amy's going to want to see you."

 

River gave him a watery smile. "Lead the way."

 

Amy was waiting for them in a deli a few blocks away. She hugged River just as fiercely as Rory had, which was a bit more unusual. River frowned. "Are you two okay?"

 

"Look at you, trying to take care of us even though I know you’re alone and hurting right now." Rory shook his head. "We're fine, really. We've just missed you. It's been awhile--ah, spoilers."

 

That made River chuckle. "I don't think I've ever heard you say that."

 

"First time for everything," Amy said with false brightness. None of them dared to complete the phrase. "Sit down. I know you don't have much time, but give a few minutes to your old mum and dad."

 

It was so hard to think of them as Mum and Dad right now. This version of them had always been Nan and Papa. But River was slowly learning that if Rule One was that the Doctor lies, well, Rule Two was that River Song lied just as much.

 

So they ate and they laughed and they chatted like old friends catching up after years apart. The tension began to drain from River--how had they known that this was exactly what she needed? 

 

_ They’re from the future. Of course they know. _

 

Or maybe it was just that they were Amy and Rory. 

 

All too soon it was over. They hugged her just as tightly as they had when they greeted her. “Remember that we love you,” Rory told her. “So very much, River.” 

 

She nodded. “I know. I’ve always known.” She kissed them both and headed back to the office building. She’d tracked some of the creatures there. 

 

And apparently Canton had tracked her there as well. “Don’t move. It’s over.” 

 

“They're here, Canton. They're everywhere.”

 

“I know. America's being invaded.” He spoke derisively.

 

“You were invaded a long time ago. America is occupied.” 

 

“You're coming with us, Dr. Song. There's no way out, this time.” 

 

Poor stupid man. He actually thought cornering her against a 50-floor drop meant that she was trapped. 

 

But Melody Pond was a superhero. She smiled at him. “There’s always a way out.” 

 

And she dropped backward.

 

###

 

Falling was a lot like flying. 

 

The landing was the most crucial aspect. 

 

Fortunately, the Doctor got the timing exactly right. And she dived straight into the swimming pool. 

 

They gathered in the console room to share what they’d learned. Unfortunately, other than the fact that these aliens could edit themselves out of your memory as soon as you looked away, it wasn’t much. 

 

And they were everywhere.

 

And then the Doctor used Canton to demonstrate how the aliens could use their ability to plant ideas into one’s head. Canton straightened the Doctor’s bow tie without having any idea why he was doing so.

 

“So they could do that to people. You could be doing stuff and not really knowing why you're doing it,” Amy said.

 

“Like post-hypnotic suggestion,” Rory added.

 

“Ruling the world with post-hypnotic suggestion,” Amy finished.

 

Ruling the childhood of one Melody Pond the same way. Oh, it all made such terrible sense now. She couldn’t remember any of it, but they’d taught her and trained her and in the end she’d done exactly what they wanted. Not at Lake Silencio, maybe, but in Berlin. 

 

River wanted these aliens  _ stopped _ _._ This was personal. 

 

###

 

She found herself with the Doctor, examining the spacesuit. 

 

She really hated this. She remembered the spacesuit all too well. 

 

But she had a part to play so she did. 

 

“It's an exoskeleton,” she explained. “Basically, life support. There's about 20 different kinds of alien tech in here.” 

 

“Who was she? Why put her in here?” the Doctor wanted to know.

 

River suppressed her shudder. “Put this on, you don't even need to eat. The suit processes sunlight directly. It's got built in weaponry and a communications system that can hack into anything.”

 

“Including the telephone network?”

 

“Easily,” she confirmed.

 

 

“Why phone the President?”

 

“It defaults to the highest authority it can find. The little girl gets frightened, the most powerful man on Earth gets a phone call. The night terrors with a hotline to the White House.” If only the White House had been able to do something about those night terrors, River mused.

 

She looked up. The DOCTOR sniffed her envelope then licked it. She fought the urge to roll her eyes. “You won't learn anything from that envelope, you know.” 

 

“Purchased on Earth, perfectly ordinary stationery, TARDIS blue. Summoned by a stranger who won't even show his face. That's a first for me. How about you?”

 

“Our lives are back to front,” River said. “Your future's my past, your firsts are my lasts.” 

 

“Not really what I asked,” the Doctor grumbled.

 

“Ask something else then.”  Because I don’t want to have this conversation.

 

“What are the Silence doing? Raising a child?”

 

“Keeping her safe. Even giving her independence.” She remembered that a little bit, wandering away from the orphanage at times. They always came and got her before she went too far, but they did let her roam a bit. 

 

The Doctor switched to talking to Rory, about rescuing Amy. Then he turned back to River.  “Of course, it's possible she's not just any little girl.”

 

Was he getting close to figuring it out? Already? Maybe he wasn’t as early as she’d thought. “Well, I'd say she's human, going by the life support software.”

 

 

“But?”

 

“She climbed out of this suit. Like she forced her way out. She must be incredibly strong.” 

 

Human plus strong.

 

“Incredibly strong and running away. I like her,” the Doctor proclaimed. 

 

She felt a twinge of pride. “We should be trying to find her.” But she knew they wouldn’t. Couldn’t. Hadn’t. 

 

But they  _ could _ save her mother. 

 

The Doctor brought his usual flair for the dramatic. “Oh! Interesting. Very Aickman Road, seen one of these before. Abandoned, wonder how that happened. Oh, well! I suppose I'm about to find out. Rory, River, keep one Silent in eyeshot at all times. Oh, hello, sorry. You're in the middle of something. Just had to say though, have you seen what's on the telly? Hello, Amy, you all right? Want to watch some television?” He set down the set. “Ah, now, stay where you are. Because look at me, I'm confident. You want to watch that, me, when I'm confident. Oh, and this is my friend, River. Nice hair, clever, has her own gun, and unlike me, she really doesn't mind shooting people. I shouldn't like that. Kind of do.”

 

The shameless flirt. “Thank you, sweetie.” 

 

“I know you're team players and everything, but she'll definitely kill at least the first three of you” 

 

River moved so she was back to back with the Doctor. “The first seven, easily.” 

 

“Seven, really?” 

 

And oh, my, but he sounded  turned on.  “Oh, eight for you, honey.” 

 

“Stop it!” 

 

“Make me.” Maybe she ought to be more frightened, standing in a room of dangerous aliens, but she was just so relieved that this aspect of their relationship wasn’t over.

 

“Yeah, well, maybe I will.”

 

Then Amy interjected. She’d like for them to get on with the rescuing part of the equation. 

 

So the Doctor played the television footage that would bring down the Silence. And then he told them to run.

 

The Silence began to gather their energy, enraged. River began firing. 

 

“Don't let them build to full power!” the Doctor exclaimed. 

 

“I know. There's a reason why I'm shooting, honey! What are you doing?”

 

“Helping!”

 

“You've got a screwdriver. Go build a cabinet!”

 

“That’s really rude!” he protested.

 

But she shooed him off to the TARDIS so she could do what she was best at.

 

And she had to admit that there was a beautiful, blissful irony to this. These aliens had ruined her childhood, stolen her from her parents, and trained her. Trained her to have  these skills--the skills that had her not missing a single shot. 

 

This was poetic justice. 

 

She ended in a crouch and slowly stood. She had gotten them all hadn’t she?

 

She was pretty sure she had. 

 

She met Rory at the TARDIS door. “My old fella didn't see that, did he? He gets ever so cross.”

 

“So what kind of doctor are you?” Poor Rory looked flummoxed. 

 

And then he looked scared. She shot behind her, killing the last Silent without ever turning around. “Archaeology. Love a tomb.” 

 

###

 

The Doctor returned her to Stormcage and walked her to her cell. “You could come with us,” he said.

 

Ohhhh...she was tempted. So tempted. To be with the Doctor full-time, to travel with her parents. To not be stuck here in prison (even if “stuck” was a relative term). 

 

But part of fooling the universe that she’d killed the Doctor involved staying here serving time for the deed. She had to maintain the ruse. And really, this Doctor wasn’t her husband. He might be intrigued by her, attracted to her...but he wasn’t  hers. And her parents didn’t even know who they were to her yet. River wasn’t sure Amy even knew she was pregnant. 

 

“I escape often enough, thank you. And I have a promise to live up to. You'll understand, soon enough,” she told him. 

 

“Okay, up to you. See you next time. Call me.” Honestly, could the man  _ s ound _ any more indifferent?

 

And why was he leaving without the proper good-bye? 

 

“What, that's it? What's the matter with you?” 

 

He walked back to her. “Have I forgotten something?”

 

Oh,  _ this _ again. “Oh, shut up.” She kissed him. 

 

It wasn’t quite like their other kisses though. The Doctor didn’t seem like he knew quite what to do. His hands kept flailing about, and he never took control of the kiss like he normally did. 

 

They broke apart, and he stared at her. “Right. Okay. Interesting.”

 

River began to get a sinking feeling. “What's wrong? You're acting like we've never done that before.”  _ Please don’t let it be that we’ve never done that before… _

 

No such luck. “We haven't.”

 

“We haven't?”  _ Too soon, it’s too soon, I’m not ready… _

 

The Doctor backed away toward the TARDIS. “Oh, look at the time, must be off. But it was very nice. It was good. It was unexpected. You know what they say, there's a first time for everything.” 

 

“And a last time,” River said and watched him leave. 

 

She sank slowly down onto her bed.  _ “Your firsts are my lasts…” _

 

The last hadn’t come with any warning. She buried her face in her hands. 

 

She wasn’t sure how long she sat there. She felt heavy and leaden and everything just kind of ached. She couldn’t even cry. So she just sat, gazing off at nothing. 

 

A guard making his rounds stopped outside her cell. "You all right, Dr. Song?"

 

"Yes, thank you. I'm fine." Was that flat, wooden voice really hers?

 

The guard moved on. River turned to face the wall and curled up on her side in the bed, continuing to stare blankly. 

 

She still couldn't cry, but eventually exhaustion took over and she slept.  

 


	9. Chapter Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, although I thanked my betas in the first chapter, I need to give an additional shout-out to AerynB for her help with this chapter. She helped me work out some kinks and saved you all from what we both dubbed the "Paragraph of Doom"! So big smooches to her. 
> 
> This ended up longer than I realized, but I hope you enjoy anyway.

Chapter Nine

 

She awoke to the sound of the TARDIS brakes. 

 

River sat up quickly. This crazy reverse timeline might be breaking her hearts currently, but it wasn’t his fault. It wouldn’t do to make him feel guilty over something that couldn’t be helped. 

 

So she composed her features carefully and stood to greet him. “Hello, sweetie.” 

 

He bounded over, unlocked her cell door, and swept inside. The door banged shut behind him but before River had a chance to say anything, he’d swept her in his arms and snogged the living daylights out of her.

 

Well then. Maybe his firsts didn’t have to be her lasts after all. 

 

For a moment she was almost too stunned to respond to the kiss, but she was River Song. Her inaction didn’t last too long. She buried her fingers in his hair and kissed him with greedy desperation, reveling in the fact that she hadn’t lost this after all. At least not yet. 

 

She wouldn’t take it for granted again. 

 

Finally, they broke apart, and the Doctor rested his forehead against hers. He tittered a bit. “Hello.” 

 

She laughed softly. “Hello indeed. Where are we then?”

 

He broke into full-on giggles. “You’re Melody! You’re Amy and Rory’s Melody!” 

 

Her eyes widened. “You just did Demon’s Run?”   
  


 

He managed to stop giggling but he couldn’t seem to stop smiling. “Yes. Oh, River. You’re part Timelord. You’re...you’re  _ mine _ .”

 

“I’ve always been yours, sweetie. Well, almost always.”

 

He beamed. “And I yours. Even when I didn’t want to admit it. Even when I was running from you as hard and fast as I could, I was yours, River.” He kissed her again, a slow, leisurely one this time.

 

He walked her over to the bed, and they both sat. “Now then. I know there’s a lot you can’t tell me; has to be lived and all that. But I do remember you saying back in Florida that we needed to find that little girl. I  _ can _ take a hint. I must find you there shortly after you break out of the spacesuit. I kinda hate having Amy and Rory miss out on those first few years though...wonder if we could rewrite that. I could go to Greystark…that’s where they took you as a baby, right?”

 

She stared at him. Oh, the poor idiot. He still thought he could save her. But she knew how complicated and intertwined the strands of her timeline had become; she wasn’t sure of the ramifications of unraveling it all now. “No, Doctor.” 

 

“No? What do you mean, no?” 

 

River sighed. “I mean,  _ no _ _._ You can’t go save that little girl from the spacesuit. Because you didn’t.”

 

He turned white, all the joy draining out of him. “Oh, River...no. I don’t find you? How could I not find you? I know where you were in Florida! We went to that orphanage! What could  _ possibly _ stop me from going there and saving you?”

 

“I don’t know. I really don’t. But you didn’t. After I got out of that spacesuit, I just ran away on my own. And I kept running. And I...found my parents myself. Or they found me. Or something.” 

 

He brightened again. “ Oh ! So it all works out then? You do end up with Amy and Rory.”

 

She thought of the years she spent with her parents as an older couple in New York and the years with them as kids in Leadworth. She thought of the relationship she had with them now--the older them who knew who she was. “I do. Maybe not the way we all thought, but yes, it does all work out.” 

 

“What does that mean?”

 

She gave him a bittersweet smile. “Spoilers.” 

 

He rolled his eyes but didn’t press further.  “ _ Fine . _ Don’t know what I’m gonna tell Amy though. I sent her and Rory home to Leadworth with...well, with you. An older you, I guess? Have you done Demon’s Run yet?”

 

She remembered their conversation at their picnic in Colonial America. “Where I show up at the end, after baby me is already gone? No, I haven’t done that yet. Can’t say that I’m really looking forward to going back there.”

 

“No, I’m sure. And I’m sorry. But I  need you there, River. I need you to set me straight on just why they took you in the first place. I need you to tell me the truth about what I’ve become. And I need you to give me hope...to help me realize that Melody will be okay--more than okay,  _ amazing _ \--because she’s  _ you _ .”

 

“Then of course I’ll go.” 

 

"Thank you." He pressed a light kiss to her curls. “I assume you’ll know somehow when it’s time to do that. Damned if I know how. You always just seem to  _ know _ and show up exactly when I need you.”

 

“You do the same,” River said. “I can take a leap off a building because I know you’ll be there to catch me.” 

 

He grimaced. “I wish you didn’t trust me so much in that regard. Frankly, it terrifies me.” 

 

She chuckled. “I suppose if you really wanted to break the habit it would only take one time of you not being there.”

 

“ _ That _ terrifies me even more.”

 

She laughed outright.

 

They sat in silence for a few minutes before the Doctor spoke again. “Come with me? I know you said you have to stay here because of a promise, and I’m guessing I’m the one who made you promise. But  _ I _ promise to get you back here when you need to be--tomorrow, five minutes from now, whatever. I’ve got a time machine! I just want...a chance to get to know you a bit. Now that I know who you are.”

 

She studied him for a long moment. This wasn’t like the younger Doctor asking her along. This was  _ her _ Doctor. He might not be her husband yet, but maybe if she went with him now it would help pave the way for him to become that.

 

So many choices. She’d made the right ones at some point in his timeline, because he’d married her on that pyramid and declared it to be real. She just wished she had a better idea as to what those choices actually  _ were _ . What if she made the wrong one and undid everything?

 

Well, sometimes you just had to take a leap of faith. Every time she’d done so in the past he’d caught her, so she felt comfortable doing it again now. She smiled at him then kissed him--just because she still  _ could _ . “I’d love to.” 

 

###

 

River’s “dates” with the older Doctor back in uni had lasted for weeks at a time.

 

He had nothing on his younger self. Her bowtie-wearing sweetie kept her on the TARDIS for six months. 

 

They traveled throughout time and history. They explored the TARDIS’s never-ending interior. 

 

They talked. 

 

They spent some time in the Gamma Forests (the Doctor was very insistent that they go there for some reason). They managed to end the blight that was destroying all of the trees. (It turned out the blight was sentient and “ending” it involved something of a battle and lots of running.) They met a lovely little girl named Lorna who turned out to be quite helpful. 

 

But eventually they stumbled across the tabloid with the Leadworth crop circles headline and accompanying photo. They knew it was a summons. Amy and Rory were done waiting. 

 

“She got that idea from you, you know,” the Doctor grumbled. 

 

“Me? What are you talking about?”

 

“The idea of leaving me messages--” He trailed off, studying her face briefly. “Um, spoilers?” 

 

She giggled. “So I leave you messages in the future? How fun! I’ll have to think of some good ones.”   
  


 

“You do.” He sighed. “River, what am I going to tell her?”

 

She shrugged. “The truth? If they know who I am now, then they know I turn out okay. What else is there to say?” 

 

“I suppose you’re right. I don’t know that Amy will accept that though. She’s going to want her baby.” 

 

“I know,” River said quietly. “I can’t help you with that. Sorry.” 

 

“Right, then, best get it over with.” The Doctor stood from the jumpseat where they’d been seated. “Come with me?”

 

River remembered the crop circles in the cornfield and all that came after all too well. “No, sorry, I can’t. Take me back to Stormcage.”

 

So she ended up back in her cell--maybe not five minutes after she’d left but no more than ten. She watched the TARDIS leave, knowing what was coming for the Doctor and her parents.

 

Berlin. The revelation of who Mels actually was. It was all beginning for them. 

 

But at least she felt confident now that it didn’t mean it was ending for her. 

 

###

 

The Church offered her the chance to work off part of her sentence by going on short missions for them. River wasn't sure how she felt about working for the Church, but shortening her sentence sounded nice, so she agreed. 

 

Her first assignment had her at an archaeological dig on the farthest moon of Chastain. She'd been at the site about three days when a familiar face appeared--the older Doctor she hadn't seen since her time at Luna. She beamed at him and stood to kiss him. "Hello, sweetie."

 

His eyebrows shot up in surprise. "You know this face?" 

 

"Well, of course, you--" she trailed off. Damn. "Sorry, spoilers, I guess." 

 

He stared at her in wonder, then murmured, "I didn't think we had any spoilers left. Where are we, River?" 

 

"You just left me to go investigate the Leadworth crop circles my parents left you as a summons." 

 

"Right then. Do you know Clara?" He gestured to the petite brunette beside him.

 

"No, although I’ve heard you mention her. Hello, Clara." River smiled at the girl. "Judging by your face, you  _ have  _ already met me, so I won't bore you with introductions."

 

"Er, yes. Yes, I have," Clara said. She looked uncomfortable. 

 

The Doctor crouched next to her. "So what have we here? Why is the Church interested?" 

 

River shrugged. "I think they want to scavenge some of the technology. It's a pretty advanced civilization here. I think they're looking for something specific, but I haven't found it yet. And I won't compromise the dig to get to it faster--I'm cataloging everything properly." 

 

"Of course you are," the Doctor said affectionately. "Ever the archaeologist, aren't you, dear?" 

 

She smiled then asked, "So what brings you two here?" 

 

"Not sure yet," he answered. "We were headed to ancient Japan. The TARDIS brought us here instead." 

 

"Well, I'm glad," River declared, leaning over to kiss him again. "I've missed you." 

 

He rolled his eyes. "Younger me just dropped you off you said. You haven't had time to miss me." 

 

"I haven't had time to miss that you," River said. "But this you? It's been ages." She hesitated, then decided to let a small spoiler slip. "Your previous self made me want to be the River Song he talked about. But you were the one who helped me learn how to do that. And you  were the one who taught me how to love you. Area 52 with him would never have happened without the days I spent with you."

 

His eyes widened then lit with some emotion River couldn't name. "I shall be looking forward to that, Dr. Song." 

 

Surprisingly, the Doctor and Clara settled in and helped her with her work. They followed her instructions to the letter and even the Doctor didn't do his usual complaining about archaeology or being bored. Apparently he didn’t just look older in this incarnation; her sweetie was all grown up.  _ Bless _ , she thought affectionately. 

 

They talked while they worked, reminiscing on adventures they’d both had. The Doctor asked after Jim the Fish, and River filled him in on how the dam was coming along. Apparently the Doctor had told Clara about River leaving him with the otters, so they filled in the rest of the story and all had a good laugh over it. Clara talked about her favorite adventures with the Doctor thus far, figuring as long as they didn’t involve River directly they couldn’t be too spoilery.

 

Eventually the conversation lagged. River remained intent on her work, so she didn’t notice the frown on the Doctor’s face until Clara asked, “What is it?” River looked up.

 

The Doctor shook his head. “I’ve been thinking, and there’s something that still doesn’t make sense. River, you said younger me was heading to the cornfield to meet your parents and then to Berlin?” 

 

“Yes, why?”

 

“Tell me something--how did young Melody Pond in New York in the 1970s get to Leadworth in the 1990s? I’ve never figured that one out. I know you were with your parents for a few years then--and trust me, it will be  _ glaringly _ obvious when it is time to tell me that--but I don’t know how you got to Leadworth.”

 

River eyed him. “Does it matter?”

 

He nodded slowly. “I think it might actually. After we left you at the hospital with the Sisters, Amy wanted to visit you in Stormcage. She was bloody  _ furious _ with you. We got there, and she lit into you for lying to her. She said you promised them that they raised you and that you even shared a memory from when you were six. And you told them that I would find you and care for you regardless of what it took. Amy said referring to your childhood together as them raising you was a rather large stretch but she could sort of accept that. But she couldn’t understand why you’d make up a memory from before they ever met you or why you’d promise I’d find you when I clearly didn’t. And you promised her that you hadn’t lied, that it would take awhile, but eventually all of it would make sense.”

 

The Doctor picked up an artifact and started to toy with it. “Now I understand the bit about you being with them when you were six--you were giving them spoilers about their older selves. But the part about me still makes no sense whatsoever. I couldn’t be the one to get you to Leadworth when it was time. Spoilers, but--the TARDIS can’t land in New York.” 

 

River stared at him for a long moment. “I don’t know why I would have said anything about you at all. I know you weren’t the one to find me or to take me to Leadworth. I never even saw you until that day in the cornfield.”

 

“Well, it wouldn’t really be spoilers now, would it?” Clara asked. “How did you get to Leadworth, River?” 

 

River hesitated but decided it would be all right. This older Doctor already knew most of it anyway, so filling in the last few details couldn’t do any harm, could it? “I told you in Berlin that I regenerated in a back alley in New York and ended up as a toddler--both in appearance and a bit in behavior. I didn’t know it at the time, but Rory was the one who found me there. He took me home with him, and I stayed with him and Mum and their son Anthony for seven years. They were older, and I called them Papa and Nan. I didn’t know they were my parents.” 

 

The Doctor nodded slowly. “Right. So you looked around eight when you left them to head to Leadworth.”

 

“Yes. Papa--Dad--told me it was time to send me to my parents. So Tony drove me out of the city to New Jersey. Madame Kovarian was waiting for me, but a man named Captain Jack Harkness used a vortex manipulator to get Tony back into the city and then me to Leadworth.” 

 

The Doctor looked at her, dumbstruck. “Captain Jack Harkness,” he repeated.

 

“Do you know him?”

 

“Yes. Oh, yes. Didn’t know you did though.”

 

She shrugged. “Maybe I don’t. Maybe he came because of you.” She frowned. “Although I think I was with him. Pretty sure that was me shooting at what must have been the Silence. I haven’t done that yet though.” 

 

“So maybe that’s it then?” Clara suggested. “The Doctor sets you up with this Jack, so he’s indirectly involved in getting you to your parents.”

 

“That doesn’t sound like ‘finding and caring for’ to me,” the Doctor said. “And...I really can’t imagine what would possess me to introduce Jack to River. Been rather hoping the two of you would never bump into each other.”

 

“And why’s that?” River asked, laughing.

 

The Doctor scowled. “The two biggest flirts in the known universe? Several star systems will probably burn up from the heat of the innuendo alone!”

 

 

“Jealous, sweetie?”

 

“Shut up.” 

 

Clara giggled, then frowned. “So there must be some other explanation. River said she didn’t lie. So somehow you have to have done  _ something _ that constitutes finding and caring for her. How did you get away from Greystark to get to New York in the first place, River?” 

 

“When I was seven, they brought out the astronaut suit. That suit  _ terrified _ me. They forced me into the suit, and I kept trying to find help so I could get away. I even phoned the President for help. One night Mum was at the orphanage. She apologized for trying to shoot me and told me she was glad she missed. Then I guess the Silence grabbed her, because she screamed and I ran. I broke out of the suit and just ran. Dr. Renfrew had always told me if I ever got away to run as far and as fast as I could.”

 

“So the Doctor wasn’t there for that either?” Clara looked disappointed.

 

“Maybe you’re just a liar and Amy forgives you,” the Doctor muttered.

 

“No, if I said I didn’t lie to them then I  didn’t ,” River insisted. 

 

“Then there must be something else,” Clara said.

 

The Doctor threw up his hand. “What then? Clara, there’s nothing else left!” 

 

“When did I say this?” River asked. “At Demon’s Run? When older me shows up after baby me disappeared?”

  
  
“Yes,” the Doctor said. “I wasn’t actually there for your little speech, but Amy recapped quite well as she yelled at you.”

 

River grimaced. “Right. But in that moment, Mum and Dad are really focused on my infant self--nothing else.” 

 

“Right, obviously. But infant you was taken to Greystark, and you wouldn’t let me go there. I understand why now, but still...” 

 

“And I definitely said you’d find me and care for me?”

 

“Yes. ‘Whatever it takes,’ or words to that effect.” 

 

River thought back, trying to remember the days at Greystark--trying to remember more than just fear and confusion and pain. It was hard--everything was so murky in her head. But something niggled at the back of her mind. She stared at the Doctor, pondering.

 

“What is it?” Clara leaned forward eagerly.

 

“I think...I think maybe you came to Greystark after all.”

 

“ _ What? _ River, you expressly forbade me to go get you from there!”

 

“I know. You didn’t get me out. But…” She closed her eyes. “Look, you have to understand that I was surrounded by the Silence  _ all the time _ . I can barely remember anything. But I told you in 1969 that they gave me some freedom. I sort of remember just kind of wandering around the city. And I think...I think you were there when I did. I remember getting sweets and trinkets. I had toys and books in my room at that orphanage that the Silence would never have given me.” She looked at him. “I think sometimes you were both there. I think you kept me sane. Gave me hope.” 

 

Clara’s face lit up. “That makes perfect sense! Nothing stopping the TARDIS from landing in Florida.” 

 

“And the Silence would never recognize this face,” the Doctor said. “Official records say my previous self died at Lake Silencio and never regenerated. I think we have our next adventure, Clara.” 

 

The three stood up. Clara moved off to give the Doctor and River a bit of privacy for a good-bye. She ended up getting a bit impatient though. “Oi, you two! You do need to breathe at some point!” 

 

They pulled apart. “Respiratory bypass,” the Doctor said smugly. Clara rolled her eyes.

 

She grabbed his arm and started pulling him toward the TARDIS. “Come on, you. Let’s go figure out how you’re gonna woo your younger wife at uni. And then go give sweets and trinkets to your  _ really _ younger wife. And boy, does it sound weird when I put it like that. It’ll never  _ not  _ be weird. See you, River!”

 

River laughed. “Bye, Clara! Bye, sweetie!”

 

“Until next time, dear!” the Doctor called back.

 

  
River returned to her work, unable to stop smiling. 


	10. Chapter Ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Pandorica Opens! Hope you enjoy. :)

Chapter Ten

 

River had been nursing a headache all day and sat on her bed reading when she heard a guard answer the phone that was ringing. “The Doctor? Do you mean Dr. Song?” 

 

That got her attention. She rushed over the door, gripping the bars. “Give me that. Seriously, just give it to me. I'm entitled to phone calls.” Headache or no, if the Doctor was calling she would be ready. 

 

The guard handed her the phone, and River spoke into it. “Doctor?”

 

It wasn’t the Doctor though. “No, and neither are you,” the voice of Winston Churchill huffed over the line. “Where is he?”

 

River sighed. “You're phoning the time vortex, it doesn't always work. But the TARDIS is smart, she's re-routed the call. Talk quickly. This connection will last less than a minute.” She listened while the Prime Minister explained all about the mysterious Van Gogh painting with its message for the Doctor. She knew what she had to do. She ended the call and reached into her shirt for her lipstick. 

 

“Are you finished with that?” the guard asked. 

 

She turned and walked toward him, handing him the phone. “You’re new here, aren’t you?”

 

“First day,” he confirmed. 

 

The poor man. “Then I’m very sorry.” She pulled him to her and kissed him. 

 

She’d only have a few minutes. She scrawled a quick message on the wall and grabbed his keys. Once the door was unlocked, she pushed him inside and took off running down the hall. On her way out of the facility, she triggered the alarm herself to add credence to the guard’s hallucination. 

 

Then she grabbed a transport and was on her way. 

 

She made it to the Royal Collection. She crept through the gallery, searching out the painting Churchill had described. She finally found it and headed back the way she came. Suddenly the lights came on, and she found herself staring at a gun. “This is the Royal Collection and I'm the bloody Queen. What are you doing here?”

 

River didn’t have time for delays, but she knew enough about Liz 10 to know she would have to give a satisfactory explanation. “It's about the Doctor, Ma'am. You met him once, didn't you? I know he came here.” She had the queen’s attention now and pressed her point. “He's in trouble. I need to find him.” 

 

Liz lowered the gun but asked, “Then why are you stealing a painting?” 

 

“Look at it,” River insisted. “I need to find the Doctor, and I need to show him this.” 

 

Liz let her go.

 

Okay. Step one accomplished. Time to move on to step two--she needed a vortex manipulator if she was going to track down the Doctor. 

 

Well, she knew where to find that. She just needed a few supplies first. 

 

Once she’d gathered what she needed, she set up the meet with Dorium. “Now, word on the belt is, you're looking for time travel,” he said.

 

“Are you selling?” She knew he would be by the time she was done with him.

 

He brought out a box, but warned her, “Not cheap, Dr. Song. Have you brought me a pretty toy?”

 

A cue if she’d ever heard one. She showed him her earring. “This is a Calisto Pulse. It can disarm micro-explosives from up to 20 feet.”

 

“What kind of micro-explosives?” Dorium sipped his drink. He was interested.

 

But not as interested as he was going to be. “The kind I just put in your wine,” River said sweetly. 

 

###

 

Now the owner of a shiny new vortex manipulator, River set about leaving a message for the Doctor. She needed to give him the coordinates she’d found on the painting. Where could she put it where he wouldn’t be able to resist?

 

She thought back to her archaeology classes at Luna. Planet One was the oldest planet in the universe. Legend said there was writing on the side of the diamond cliff--writing from the dawn of time that no one had ever translated. 

 

That practically screamed “Doctor bait,” did it not? And how flattering to know that  _ she _ had written the universe’s earliest known writing. She zapped herself back in time to etch “Hello, sweetie” and the coordinates in the side of the cliff. 

 

Then she took herself to the coordinates the painting gave. Time to set up shop.

 

So she convinced the troops she encountered that she was Cleopatra (dress-up was  _ so _ much fun!). She had a funny feeling that they ought to have been harder to persuade. 

 

Something was wrong here. Everything felt...off. Like time was wrong somehow. Not in the same way it had been back at Area 52--time wasn’t disintegrating. No, this felt more like she was somehow experiencing a timeline that no longer existed. 

 

How was she doing that? 

 

She vaguely remembered... _ someone _ mentioning the universe blowing up. Was that what was going to happen? What had already happened from the perspective of the Doctor and her parents?

 

Her parents? The confusion deepened. She didn’t have  parents . She had Amy, her mother, but no father. She’d never had a father.   
  


 

How was it possible that she’d never had a father?

 

Of course, Amy didn’t have any parents at all, so it couldn’t be too unusual. 

 

She’d have to figure it out later. The TARDIS had arrived. She sent a centurion off to greet “Caesar.” 

 

The Doctor entered the tent. “Hello, sweetie.” 

 

“River! Hi,” Amy said happily. 

 

River didn’t get a chance to return the greeting, because the Doctor was fussing at her for graffiting the oldest cliff face in the universe. As if she’d had a choice. “You wouldn’t answer your phone.” She showed them the painting and explained how the coordinates included led them all here. And then she told them the title, “The Pandorica Opens.” 

 

The Doctor grumbled then started consulting maps. Finally they determined that if the Pandorica held the most feared thing in the galaxy, whoever built it would want to remember where they’d put it. They all headed toward Stonehenge. 

 

Amy couldn’t quite grasp the situation. She asked why Stonehenge wasn’t new, and River explained it was already old. Then Amy said, “Okay, this Pandorica thing. Last time we saw you, you warned us about it, after we climbed out of the Byzantium.”

 

River put a finger to her lips. “Spoilers!”  

 

“No, but you told the Doctor you'd see him again when the Pandorica opens,” Amy insisted.  

 

“Maybe I did. But I haven't yet. But I will have.” She’d have to do so now, whether she’d meant to at the time or not. 

 

They headed down to below--the underhenge, the Doctor called it.  

 

They found the massive box. “It’s the Pandorica,” the Doctor breathed.

 

“More than just a fairy tale,” River said. 

 

“There was a goblin, or a trickster, or a warrior. A nameless, terrible thing, soaked in the blood of a billion galaxies. The most feared being in all the cosmos. And nothing could stop it, or hold it, or reason with it. One day it would just drop out of the sky and tear down your world,” the Doctor said.

 

Amy asked how this frightening being could be trapped in a box. The Doctor shrugged. “You know fairy tales. A good wizard tricked it.” 

 

“I hate good wizards in fairy tales. They always turn out to be him,” River grumbled as she took out her scanner and got to work.

 

Amy asked if the name Pandorica was a callback to Pandora’s Box. The Doctor noted that there were too many coincidences, and they all centered on Amy. 

 

They could worry about that later, River thought. She asked the Doctor if he could open the box. 

 

“Easily. Anyone can break _ into _ a prison, but I'd rather know what I'm going to find first,” he replied.

 

River looked at her scanner. “It's already opening. There are layers and layers of security protocols in there, and they're being disabled, one by one. Like it's being unlocked from the inside.” 

 

“What kind of security?” the Doctor asked.

 

“Everything. Deadlocks, time-stops, matter-lines...”

 

The Doctor wondered what could possibly need all that. River was more concerned with what could possibly  escape all that. 

 

The Doctor finally figured out that the stones themselves were transmitters, broadcasting a warning to everywhere and everywhen. But the poor idiot didn’t get the ramifications of that. River had to try several times to get through to him. She grew more forceful with each attempt. Finally she spelled it out for him. “Doctor, you said everyone could hear it. So who else is coming?” 

 

“Oh.” He understood now. 

 

So they worked together to reverse the signal. “Okay, should be feeding back to you now,” the Doctor said. “River, what's out there? Getting anything?”

 

River felt sick. “Around this planet, there are at least 10,000 starships”

 

“At least?” Amy repeated. 

 

The news only got worse from there. Dalek ships. Cyber ships. The Doctor was plotting to turn them on each other but River cut him off, reading off the list of who else had shown up. “Sontaran. Four battle-fleets. Terileptil. Slitheen. Chelonian. Nestene. Drahvin. Sycorax. Haemo-goth. Zygon. Atraxi. Draconian. They're all here. For the Pandorica.” 

 

The Doctor stared at the box. “What are you?” 

 

River didn’t care anymore. “Doctor, listen to me! Everything that ever hated you is coming here tonight. You can't win this. You can't even fight it. Doctor, this once, just this one time, please, you have to run.”

 

“Run where?” the Doctor retorted.

 

“Fight how?” River shot back. 

 

But the Doctor decided to use the Roman soldiers who were conveniently hanging around. 

 

River set to work convincing them. It was an uphill battle at first--the commander who’d just returned was less than thrilled with her Cleopatra impersonation. He was even less pleased when she was flippant. “The sky is falling, and you make jokes. Who are you?”

 

She didn’t have time for this. “When you fight Barbarians, what must they think of you? Where do they think you come from?”

 

The commander drew his sword. “A place more deadly and more powerful and more impatient than their tiny minds can imagine.”

 

River pulled her own weapon and disintegrated a cabinet. “Where do I come from? Your world has visitors. You're all Barbarians now.” She had their attention, so she made her final plea. “You've been a soldier too long to believe there are gods watching over us. There is, however, a man. And tonight he's going to need your help.”

 

###

 

The Doctor had asked River to bring him the TARDIS. She set the coordinates, but the ship gave a massive jolt as it dematerialized. “What’s the matter with you?” River exclaimed. There was another lurch as it landed. “Are you okay now?”

 

But the monitor was glitchy as well, so she smacked it as she headed toward the door. 

 

Amy’s house. “Why have you brought me here?” She noticed the marks left in the grass and the door off the hinges. “Okay, so something’s been here.” She crept inside. 

 

She headed up to Amy’s room, just as she’d done a thousand times before. But this was different. This was  _ wrong _ _._ It felt like she was seeing it all for the first time, and that couldn’t be right. She’d grown up with Amy. With Amy and...someone. Nothing about this should feel the least bit unfamiliar. 

 

She saw the “Raggedy Doctor” dolls, all neatly lined up. Hadn’t she seen these before? Hadn’t she played with them as a kid? Why did they stand out now, speaking of a lonely girl growing up abandoned and alone? “Oh, Doctor, why do I let you out?” River murmured.

 

And then she realized that everything was much worse than she’d thought. Those coincidences the Doctor had noted around Amy reached far further than they’d realized. 

 

She had to warn him. She picked up her communicator. “They're not real, they can't be. They're all right here in the storybook...those actual Romans, the ones I sent you, the ones you're with right now. They're all in a book in Amy's house, a children's picture book.” 

 

So the Doctor explained about psychic residue and how the aliens might have used it. “Structures can hold memories, that's why houses have ghosts. They could've taken a snapshot of Amy's memories. But why?”

 

“Doctor, who are those Romans?” River asked. 

 

“Projections. Or duplicates.” 

 

This made no sense. “But they were helping us. My lipstick even worked.” 

 

And the Doctor thought that the duplicates might actually think they were real. Fabulous. 

 

And then she found it. The photo of Amy and...someone. Amy was in her policewoman outfit, and he was dressed as a Roman soldier.  _ The Last Centurion _ flickered through River’s brain. 

 

But what did that mean?

 

Still, it all had to be a trap, a scenario constructed that the Doctor would believe. River headed back to the TARDIS. And once he knew the date she’d landed, the Doctor instructed her to get away, anywhere else, any other time. It didn’t really matter--just go. 

 

And she would have done, if only she could. But she couldn’t get the TARDIS to cooperate. “I can’t break free!” she shouted into the communicator.    
  


 

“Well, then, shut down the TARDIS. Shut down everything!” the Doctor yelled back. 

 

“I  _ can’t! ”  _

 

And a voice echoed through the TARDIS interior. “Silence will fall.” 

 

The Doctor spoke again through the communicator, sounding panicked. “Listen to me, just land her anywhere. Emergency landing, now. There are cracks in time, I've seen them everywhere, and they're getting wider. The TARDIS exploding is what causes them, but we can stop the cracks ever happening if you just land her!”

 

Well, that was easy enough. Save the universe just by landing the TARDIS. River did so. “Doctor, I’m down. I’ve landed.”

 

“Okay, just walk out of the doors. If there's no-one inside, the TARDIS engines shut down.” 

 

Again, easy enough. Or at least it should’ve been. 

 

But first she couldn’t get the doors to open at all. And then she opened them to be greeted by a stone wall. 

 

She looked back to see the console exploding. She hadn’t stopped anything. “I’m sorry, my love.” 

 

And then it all repeated. And repeated again. And again. And again...


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we continue on from the last chapter to The Big Bang. Enjoy!

Chapter Eleven

 

River had lost count a long time ago of how many times she lived through the sequence. She kept opening the doors to nothing, watching the console explode, apologizing to the Doctor for letting him down. 

 

Over and over and over. It was enough to make her mental.

 

And then the sequence finally changed. The Doctor appeared in the console, looking smug. “Hi, honey, I’m home!” he sang out.

 

Well, no reason for him to know how terrifying it had been to repeat that same loop so many times. He wanted banter; she’d give him banter. She checked her watch. “And what sort of time do you call this?” 

 

They materialized back on the roof. “Amy!” River exclaimed happily. “And the plastic Centurion?” He looked familiar. Something niggled at the back of her brain.

 

“It’s okay; he’s on our side,” the Doctor said cheerfully. 

 

“Really? I dated a Nestene duplicate once... swappable head, it did keep things fresh.” Ah, those early days after Berlin, before the Doctor had come to call and ruined her for other men. “Right then, I have questions. But number one is this... What in the name of sanity have you got on your head?” 

 

“It's a fez. I wear a fez now. Fezes are cool,” he proclaimed proudly.

 

River exchanged a glance with her mother. Amy might not know that she was her mother yet, but that didn’t stop her from picking up on exactly what River wanted her to do. Amy grabbed the fez and tossed. River aimed and shot. Good-bye, fez.

 

They might have enjoyed the lighthearted moment a bit longer, but the Dalek chose that moment to show up. “Exterminate!”

 

“Run, run, move, move. Go! Come on!” the Doctor shouted. He used a satellite dish as a shield as they all scrambled back down the stairs. The Doctor sealed the hatch with his screwdriver. “It's moving away, finding another way in. It needs to restore its power before it can attack again. Now, that means we've got exactly--” he checked his watch “--four and a half minutes before it's at lethal capacity.” 

 

“How do you know?” Rory asked. 

 

“Because that’s when it’s due to kill me.”

 

That got River’s attention. “Kill you? What do you mean kill you?” 

 

But the Doctor was too busy trying to work out how the Dalek even existed...and how they could use that to save the rest of the universe. 

 

Rory asked him to explain it again, and the Doctor obliged. “The box contains a memory of the universe, and the light transmits the memory. And that's how we're going to do it.”

 

“Do what?” Amy wondered. 

 

“Relight the fire. Reboot the universe. Come on!” 

 

River saw Amy and Rory look at each other in confusion. She caught up to the Doctor. “Doctor, you're being completely ridiculous! The Pandorica partially restored one Dalek. If it can't even reboot a single life form properly, how will it reboot the whole of reality?” 

 

“What if we give it a moment of infinite power? Transmit the light from the Pandorica to every particle of space and time simultaneously?” 

 

River huffed. “Well, that would be lovely, dear, but we can't, because it's completely impossible.” 

 

“Ah, no, you see, it's not.” He tapped her forehead. “It's _almost_ completely impossible. One spark is all we need.” 

 

“For what?” 

 

“Big bang two. Now listen...” 

 

But River never got a chance to hear what was coming next. The Dalek had found them, and it fired. The Doctor went down. 

 

River knelt next to him, ignoring Rory as he told her to get back, ignoring him as he fired at the Dalek and incapacitated it again. “Doctor. Doctor, it's me, River. Can you hear me? What is it? What do you need?” 

 

But the Doctor used the vortex manipulator and disappeared. “Where did he go? Damn it, he could be anywhere.” 

 

Amy looked sick. “He went downstairs. Twelve minutes ago.” 

 

“Show me.”    
  


 

“River, he died,” Amy said. 

 

But suddenly the Dalek was restoring and Rory was saying that they needed to move. “You go to the Doctor. I'll be right with you,” River said. 

 

She wanted a word with that Dalek. 

 

Amy and Rory left, and the Dalek gloated. “Systems restoring! You will be exterminated!”

 

River spoke coldly. “Not yet, your systems are still restoring. Which means your shield density is compromised.” She took out her gun and adjusted the settings. “One Alpha Mezon burst through your eyestalk would kill you stone dead.” 

 

“Records indicate you will show mercy. You are an associate of the Doctor's.”

 

Stupid Dalek. “I’m River Song. Check your records again.” She took aim.

 

And the Dalek was starting to get it. “Mercy!” 

 

“Say it again.” 

 

Daleks didn’t beg, but this one did. “Mercy!” 

 

She bit off the words with icy precision. “One more time.” 

 

“Mercy!” 

 

She looked it straight in the eye and fired. 

 

### 

 

River met back up with Amy and Rory as they were trying to figure out where the Doctor had gone. “But he was dead!” Amy insisted. 

 

“Who told you that?” River asked. 

 

“He did.”

 

Oh, her poor mum, too young to know the truth. “Rule One: the Doctor lies.” 

 

They found the Doctor in the Pandorica. Amy realized that they’d been a diversion, keeping the Dalek occupied while the Doctor did what he needed to do here. 

 

River looked around. “Reality's collapsing. It's speeding up. Look at this room. The displays are empty.”

 

“Where did everything go?” Amy asked. 

 

“History is being erased. Time is running out. Doctor, what were you doing? Tell us! Doctor?”

 

And the Doctor managed to get out, “Big...bang...two.” 

 

And it finally dawned on River what he had in mind. “The TARDIS is still burning. It's exploding at every point in history. If you threw the Pandorica into the explosion, right into the heart of the fire…”

 

“Then what?” Amy wanted to know.

 

“Then let there be light. The light from the Pandorica would explode everywhere at once, just like he said.” 

 

“That would work? That would bring everything back?” Amy sounded hopeful now. 

 

“A restoration field, powered by an exploding TARDIS, happening at every moment in history. Oh, that's brilliant. It might even work!” River pulled out the sonic screwdriver and ran it along the wires. “He's wired the vortex manipulator to the rest of the box.”

 

“Why?” 

 

“So he can take it with him. He's going to fly the Pandorica into the heart of the explosion.”

 

  
###

 

River spoke with the Doctor briefly. She knew the ramifications of what the Doctor was going to do, even if Amy and Rory didn’t yet. 

 

But River was no longer the young, foolish girl she’d been on that pyramid. All of reality was in danger. And this time River was wise enough to let the Doctor fix it without any interference from her. 

 

River walked up to her mother. “Amy...he wants to talk to you.”

 

Amy knew enough to be scared. “So, what happens here? Big Bang Two? What happens to us?”

 

River hid her wince. “We all wake up where we ought to be. None of this ever happens, and we don't remember it.” 

 

If only it were that simple. River wasn’t actually sure what “waking up where she was supposed to be” would even look like in her case.

 

Amy still clung to hope. “River...tell me he comes back, too.”

 

“The Doctor will be at the heart of the explosion,” River said. 

 

“So?” 

 

_ Oh, Mum, why are you making me say it? Can’t you see that this is hurting me too?  _ “So all the cracks in time will close, but he'll be on the wrong side...trapped in the never-space, the void between the worlds. All memory of him will be purged from the universe. He will never have been born. Now, please. He wants to talk to you before he goes.” 

 

Amy still didn’t get it. “Not to you?” 

 

River fought back the tears. “He doesn't really know me yet. Now he never will.” 

 

A few minutes later, River watched as Amy slowly backed away from the Pandorica. It began to glow. “Back! Get back!” She pushed her mother out of the way. They saw the Pandorica launch into the sky. River’s communicator beeped with a message. “It’s from the Doctor,” she said. 

 

“What does it say?” Amy asked.

 

“Geronimo.”

 

###

 

River awoke with the worst headache of her life. 

 

She looked around. Where was she?

 

Forget that.  _ Who _ was she? How did she even exist?

 

With the universe rebooted and her father properly restored to reality, River could remember enough to know that she shouldn’t be here. Because a universe in which there was no Doctor meant that there was no TARDIS. And no TARDIS meant that Melody Pond could never be conceived in the time vortex.

 

River shouldn’t be in this universe at all. Maybe a Melody Williams could be out there somewhere, teaching geography, but there shouldn’t be any River Song. 

 

And she shouldn’t really be remembering all this anyway. Wasn’t she supposed to forget? Just like Amy and Rory would have forgotten? 

 

She frowned, concentrating. No, she wasn’t supposed to forget. There was something she was supposed to do...something the Doctor wanted her to remember…

 

But what  _ was _ it? 

 

It wouldn’t come. But River knew enough to know she needed to get to Amy. Somehow Amy was the key to everything. 

 

So River made her way to Leadworth. Oh, what lovely timing! There was a wedding today! 

 

Amy and Rory’s wedding. 

 

Mels had never made it to the wedding, she remembered. 

 

River would. 

 

She watched from the back of the church, staying in the shadows. She smiled at the joy on her mother’s face and the look of utter awe on her father’s. 

 

But she left a few minutes early. She had a job to do. It was starting to come back to her now.  _ “Your job is something blue, River. You remember that. Something blue…” _

 

Well, how handy that she just happened to have a blue book. It was completely blank inside, and it  _ shouldn’t _ be, but maybe if she did her task correctly it wouldn’t be for much longer. She sneaked into the reception and left the book. 

 

And she made sure to pass by the windows so that Amy would see her. 

 

She hoped it would be enough. 

 

###

 

Apparently it was, because River watched the TARDIS materialize in the middle of the reception. Amy had done it--mad, impossible Amy, with the universe pouring into her head all those years, had remembered the Doctor back into existence. 

 

The Doctor loved weddings and dancing, so River had a long time to wait. She didn’t really mind. She enjoyed watching the Doctor’s crazy antics, and she smiled softly when a slow song played and Rory held Amy so tenderly. 

 

Her parents--a love story for the ages. 

 

Finally the Doctor headed out to the TARDIS and unlocked it. She spoke up. “Did you dance? Well, you always dance at weddings, don't you?”

 

“You tell me,” he replied.

 

She just smiled. “Spoilers.” 

 

He handed her the diary. “The writing's all back, but I didn't peek.”

 

“Thank you.” 

 

He returned the vortex manipulator as well. “Are you married, River?” 

 

She strapped the manipulator to her wrist. “Are you asking?” 

 

“Yes.” 

 

“Yes.” 

 

“No, hang on. Did you think I was asking you to marry me, o- o-or asking if you were married?” The poor dear--he sounded so  _ flustered _ now. 

 

River could only feel amused. No wonder the older Doctor had enjoyed this conversation so much when their roles were reversed. “Yes.”

 

The Doctor tried again. “No, but was that ‘yes,’ or ‘yes’?”

 

She leaned toward him. “ _ Yes .” _

 

“River, who are you?” 

 

She turned serious. “You're going to find out very soon now. And I'm sorry, but that's when everything changes.” She entered the coordinates and zapped herself away. 

 


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Ponds cope with Demon's Run...

Chapter Twelve

 

The Doctor had said she’d know when it was time to do Demon’s Run. Well, she had another vortex manipulator now, so no time like the present. She entered the coordinates carefully and materialized in the large open room, taking in the aftermath of the battle. 

 

This was going to be harder than she’d thought. 

  
  
But the Doctor said he needed her to do this, so she drew a deep breath and made sure her tone hid her inner turmoil. “Well, then, soldier, how goes the day?” 

 

The Doctor turned on her in a fury. “Where the hell have you been? Every time you've asked, I have been there. Where the hell were you today?”  

 

She kept her composure. “I couldn’t have prevented this.” 

 

“You could've tried!”

 

“And so, my love, could you.” She looked over to her parents, her eyes zeroing in on her mother. “I know you're not all right. But hold tight, Amy, because you're going to be.” 

 

“You think I wanted this?” The Doctor gestured around him. “I didn't do this. This...this wasn't me!”

 

She hadn’t been sure what she was going to say. But she thought back to her studies at Luna and to the man she now knew, and the recent events with the Pandorica. The words came pouring forth almost of their own volition. “This was exactly you. All this, all of it. You make them so afraid. When you began, all those years ago, sailing off to see the universe, did you ever think you'd become this? The man who can turn an army around at the mention of his name? Doctor? The word for healer and wise man, throughout the universe. We get that word from you, you know. But if you carry on the way you are, what might that word come to mean? To the people of the Gamma Forests, the word ‘Doctor’ means mighty warrior. How far you've come. And now they've taken a child...the child of your best friends...and they're going to turn her into a weapon, just to bring you down. And all this, my love...in fear of you.” 

 

She could see it in his eyes, her words hitting home. But he didn’t want to admit it just yet. “Who are you?”

 

How could she possibly answer that question...River only pondered for a moment before she knew the answer. “Oh, look, your cot! Haven't seen that in a very long while.” She moved over to it. 

 

The Doctor wasn’t in the mood for skirting around the issue. “No, no, you tell me. Tell me...who you are.”

 

River took his hand. “I  _ am _ telling you. Can’t you read?” She rested his hand on the cot. 

 

He stared at the cot, at the Gallifreyan writing, then back up at her. She could see the exact moment the realization dawned. His smile lit his face. “Hello.” 

 

River returned the smile. “Hello.” 

 

The Doctor giggled a bit. “But that means…”

 

“I’m afraid it does.” She smirked at him. 

 

He sent Amy and Rory a nervous look. “Ooh! But you and I, we, we, we, er…” He made kissing noises.

 

Oh, the poor idiot. “Yes.” 

 

He straightened his jacket. “How do I look?” 

 

He’d only ever looked one way to her. “Amazing.” 

 

And then he was running off, spouting reassurances to Amy and instructions to her to get everyone home. He paused for a moment to point at River and give one last delighted laugh before he was gone. She smiled to herself, remembering when he’d come to her after that.

 

And suddenly her mother had a gun aimed at her. “Tell me what you told the Doctor.”

 

Rory protested, but River reassured him. “It's okay, Rory, she's fine, she's good. It's the TARDIS translation matrix, it takes a while to kick in with the written word. You have to concentrate.”

 

Amy stared at the cot for a moment before looking back up. “I still can’t read it.” Rory took advantage of her distraction and took the gun away.

 

But River had known Amy wouldn’t be able to read the cot. That had been the whole point with the Doctor; an ordinary human couldn’t read those words. “It's because it's Gallifreyan and doesn't translate. But this will.” She handed over the prayer leaf. How many times had she seen her mother with this prayer leaf? Amy always made sure she had a pocket in which to carry it. “It's your daughter's name in the language of the forest.”

 

Amy huffed. “I know my daughter’s name.” 

 

“Except they don't have a word for 'pond' because only water in the forest is the river. The Doctor  _ will _ find your daughter, and he will care for her whatever it takes, and I know that.” 

 

Amy and Rory stared at the prayer leaf, watching the letters transform. They looked up at her in shock. 

 

She smiled at them, even as she felt the tears come. “It's me. I'm Melody. I'm your daughter.” 

 

###

 

They materialized at the house in Leadworth. Amy staggered slightly. “Boy, the Doctor wasn’t kidding about this being rubbish time travel. How do you stand it?”

 

River laughed. “I’ve been doing it a long time now. But my first time I reacted about like you are.” 

 

Rory rubbed the side of his face. “And when was your first time?”

 

She eyed him carefully, wondering how much of the truth he was ready for. She finally gave him an edited version of it. “Ohhhh...I was about eight.” At least in that body. 

 

“Eight,” Rory repeated dully. He closed his eyes. “Please tell me that doesn’t mean we don’t get you back until you’re eight.” 

 

“Time can be rewritten,” Amy insisted. “The Doctor said he knew where you were. He can just...get you earlier.” 

 

_ Oh, Mummy _ .  River sighed. “Spoilers.” 

 

“ No ,” Amy snapped. “No, Melody Pond, don’t you dare ‘spoiler’ me. You tell me the truth right now. Do we raise you or not?”

 

River looked them both in the eye. “You do. I promise you do. Our lives are weird; I love you too much to lie about that. I’d say you’ve lived enough of it by now to know that we aren’t a conventional family. But I promise it all works out. And you’re both  _ wonderful _ parents. I couldn’t ask for better.”

 

Amy sagged with relief, accepting her words at face value. River knew her current emotional state wouldn’t let her do otherwise. But she could feel Rory’s eyes on her, thoughtful. He wasn’t as easily convinced.

 

But he was Rory, and he didn’t push. Instead he offered to make them all tea. 

 

Amy sank down at the table. “Tell me your favorite childhood memory, Melody. Give me  _ something _ .”

 

River thought for a moment. She had plenty of favorites, but which one would placate Amy without giving too much away? She remembered what the Doctor had said and finally settled on one when Rory came in with the tea. “We were in America. New York. We had a picnic and you took me to the Statue of Liberty. I think I was around six.”

 

Rory brightened at that. “I’ve always wanted to see the Statue of Liberty.” 

 

“You never mentioned that,” Amy said. “I’m sure the Doctor would’ve taken us if you’d said.”

 

He shrugged. “It never came up. But now I’d rather wait anyway.” He smiled at River. “See it for the first time with my daughter.” 

 

River’s answering smile was somewhat wistful. It was a precious memory, but he was going to be waiting an awfully long time for it to come true. 

 

The conversation moved to safer, more casual areas. Amy and Rory plied her with basic questions about her tastes and preferences. It was surreal, sipping tea as her parents got to know her for the first time, but her life always had been upside down and sideways. 

 

They talked for hours. River even managed to keep a straight face when they told her about their good friend Mels. “You’ll love her!” Amy said. “I named you after her, you know. She’ll be like an aunt, since Rory and I don’t have siblings. I don’t think she’s in town at the moment, so you can’t meet her just yet--wait, you said we raised you--I bet you’ve always known her! Doesn’t she make a fabulous aunt?”

 

River tried not to choke. “Oh, I’d say she’s a pretty fabulous everything.” 

 

“That’s our Mels,” Rory said with fond affection. Oh, bless--did he not even realize how paternal he sounded? It was a wonder they hadn’t figured it all out years ago. 

 

But she knew how it all played out, so she kept her mouth shut. Berlin would come for them very soon, and then they’d know it all. 

 

Amy finally gave out. “I’m so  tired ,” she complained. “Why am I so tired?”   
  


 

“Well, you did just give birth,” River said dryly. “Go to bed, Mum. It’s fine.”

 

Amy’s face lit up. “You called me Mum!” She hugged her, then pulled back a bit, frowning. “Was it hard having to call me Amy, those times I didn’t know you were you?”

 

“Sometimes,” River admitted. “I always thought of you as Mum though.” 

 

That made Amy beam again and give her one last hug before heading upstairs to bed. Rory turned to River. “I’m going to go say goodnight and make sure she’s all right. You stay here, okay? I want to talk to you for a bit before you go.” 

 

There he went sounding all fatherly again. “Okay. I’ll be here.” 

 

Rory returned a few minutes later and sat back down at the table. “What is it you aren’t telling us, River?”

 

She sighed. “You know I can’t answer that question.”

 

“I know. I mean, I guess I know. But none of this makes any sense. You say we raise you. But you admit that it’s weird and unconventional. You used a vortex manipulator when you were eight, but we took you to the Statue of Liberty when you were six. And for some reason, you’re in prison in the future and you’re using the name River Song instead of Melody Pond. I don’t understand any of it.”

 

“I know.” She rested a hand on his arm. “Trust me, as comfortable as I seem with it all now,  _ I know. _ I’ve been where you are--lost and confused and wondering how it would all work out. Just trust me when I say that it  does , okay?”

 

He nodded, giving her hand a quick squeeze. “Okay. Thanks.” He hesitated for a moment, then spoke. “Melody?”   
  
“Yeah?”

 

“I’m--I’m sorry. For what I said when I came to Stormcage. When I asked you to come help us at Demon’s Run and you said no. You looked so--so hurt. And knowing now--I’m just sorry.” 

 

That day seemed so long ago now, but River remembered it with perfect clarity. It  _ had  _ hurt. But it hadn’t been deliberate on his part. “It’s fine. You didn’t know.” 

 

“No, I know I didn’t. And I was scared--so scared for Amy and our baby. And I took it out on you. And even though I didn’t know who you were, that was wrong. And I’m so  _ sorry _ _._ ” 

 

River hesitated a moment--this Rory was so new to fatherhood that she wasn’t sure how he’d react. But she finally decided to just go for it and scooted her chair over so she could curl up against his side. And it must’ve been okay, because his arm wrapped around her just as naturally as it always had. She rested her head on his shoulder. “It’s really all right, Dad--I promise you it’s the only time you’ve ever hurt me, and you didn’t know what you were doing. It’s forgiven and forgotten, okay?” 

 

His arm tightened around her, and she felt him press a kiss to her hair. “Thank you,” he said, his voice thick with tears. 

 

“You really are a wonderful dad,” she said softly. “The best ever. And I didn’t always appreciate that enough. So when I’ve been a brat, remember this okay? Remember that I grow up and realize how good I had it. And that I love you very much.” 

 

He let out a choked sob and squeezed even harder. It was uncomfortable, but she didn’t protest. He needed this.  They needed this. “Thank you, Melody,” she felt, rather than heard, him whisper against her hair. “I love you too.” 

 

###

 

River didn’t feel like going straight back to Stormcage, and since she had the vortex manipulator, she decided to once again bounce around the universe. She joined an archaeological dig in Egypt. With her expertise and her air of confidence, no one seemed to notice that she didn’t actually belong there. She explored ruins in ancient Greece, then zapped back in time to before they were ruins. Inspired by Clara’s story, she visited Akhaten. She went back to the Planet of the Coffee Shops. 

 

She was pondering a return to prison--she couldn’t avoid it forever, and eventually she  would have to do that conversation with Amy that the Doctor had warned her about. But she felt restless and unsettled at the moment, so she continued her jaunt. 

 

Six planets and nine historical eras later, River headed back to Earth. She’d go see her parents. She could watch a football match with Rory and go shopping with Amy. They’d share a bottle of wine and stay up late talking. That would get rid of whatever was eating at her. 

 

She materialized in the living room...and no one was home. 

 

Well, that was just perfect. 

 

She wandered around a bit, stopping when she came across a particular display of photos. They were hidden a bit out of the way, where a casual visitor wouldn’t notice them. 

 

They were all of her. Some were from when she was Mels--school events, childhood parties, that dance she’d attended with Rory, a couple of Christmas dinners the Ponds had invited her to. And then there were pictures of her as River--her graduation, various trips they’d taken with the Doctor, other times she’d visited here.   
  


 

Times she hadn’t even lived yet. 

 

River touched the pictures reverently.  _ It all works out. Amy will be furious, and she’ll let me know it as only she can. But she’ll believe me and forgive me, and it all works out.  _

 

She hadn’t known just how badly she needed to see this. 

 

“River? You all right?” 

 

She turned. Rory stood there, obviously just home from work. “Hey, Dad.” 

 

He dropped his bag and came over and to wrap an arm around her, pressing a quick kiss to her hair. “Good to see you, baby girl. Been awhile.” He gestured to the photos. “Not seen those before?”

 

“No. No, I haven’t.”

 

Rory smiled. “Amy spent ages creating that. There are albums too, but these were kind of ‘the best of the best’ that she wanted to display. I know it’s kind of tucked back in a corner--couldn’t have too many people asking questions--but we thought it was important.”

 

River rested her head on his shoulder. “Thank you. It really means a lot. I think...I think I needed this right now. Just a reminder that everything was all right. Would be all right.”

 

“River, seriously, what’s wrong?” 

 

“It’s fine, really. I just came from Demon’s Run. Well, sort of just came. That’s the last time I saw you.”

 

“Ah.” Understanding lit Rory’s eyes. “Has Amy had it out with you yet?” 

 

“No. But the Doctor spoiled me good and proper as to what she said--shouted.” 

 

“Nice, giving you that to look forward to. But it’s really okay now, River. I still don’t understand how I took you to the Statue of Liberty when you were six, but if you say you didn’t lie then I believe you.” He cocked his head. “And if it’s something like we’re traveling with the Doctor and stumble upon you as a little girl again, I can’t imagine what would ever make me give you up.” 

 

She smiled sadly. “You weren’t happy about it.” She stepped away from him. “Any football on the telly?”

 

“I think Arsenal and Liverpool should be playing. C’mon, I’ll get us some crisps.” 

 

They settled on the sofa, and River curled into her father’s side. His arm settled around her, and she felt him press another kiss to her head. 

 

She looked up at him with a frown. "Are  you  okay?"

 

He looked sheepish. "Yeah. It's just been awhile since we've seen you. Spoilers, sorry. You'll understand soon enough, I guess. But I'm glad it's over and that you're here now."

 

She returned to her former position but continued to frown. Their lives were such upside down and sideways messes. The Doctor lied. River lied. And now even her parents were having to keep secrets just to keep it all straight. 

 

###

 

She finally returned to Stormcage, about three minutes after she'd left. She even returned the stolen transport this time. About three days later the TARDIS arrived and Amy came storming out. "Melody Pond!" she shouted loudly enough for the whole prison complex to hear.

 

And for the next five minutes the Doctor and Rory stood awkwardly off to the side while one angry Scottish woman raged. By the time she got to the end of her tirade, Amy was in tears. She put her head in her hands and sobbed. Rory was there instantly, wrapping his arms around his wife and glaring at River in disapproval. 

 

River leaned forward as far as the cell doors would allow. "Mum, listen to me. I know it's hard right now. But I told you at Demon's Run to hold tight because everything would be all right. That's still true. And I know nothing that I said makes sense. But it will one day, I promise you. All of it. I swear that everything I told you that day was true and that it all works out." 

 

Amy lifted her head, her face wet with tears but shining with hope. "All of it? It was all true?"

 

"Every last word," River promised. "I lie all the time, but I never would have lied about that. Not then. Not ever." 

 

 

Amy broke down again, but this time instead of collapsing in her husband's arms she flung herself at her daughter. It was awkward and uncomfortable, hugging through the bars, but they managed. 

 

Amy finally pulled back, sniffling. Then her face broke out in a wide smile and she started laughing. "I can't believe you're Mels!" 

 

River smiled. It really would be all right. 

 

River didn't really want to leave Stormcage again so soon--she actually had to serve her sentence sometime--so the four just crowded into her cell. She sat on her bed between her parents while the Doctor stood off in the corner, just letting them talk. Amy and River reminisced over various incidents from childhood and adolescence, Amy seeing them all from a new perspective now that she knew this was her  daughter.

 

"I think we owe you a few groundings," Rory said. 

 

River snorted. "Please. You did everything  _ but  _ ground me as it was. Do you know Amy actually tried to put me on the 'naughty step' once?"

 

"You deserved it and you know it, young lady." 

 

River stuck out her tongue. “As I recall, it was for something to do with boys--like you had any room to talk in that regard. You were the one who taught me how to flirt in the first place!” 

 

“True.” Amy giggled. “And I did a brilliant job of that, didn't I, Doctor?"

 

The man in question blushed bright red and stammered. 

 

Rory glanced at him. “You know, I’m not really sure I approve of  _ him _ as a suitor for you, River. Doctor, we need to talk about my daughter. Because I don’t mind punching you again. And I also have a sword, and I’m not the least bit hesitant to use it.” The Doctor swallowed nervously. 

 

“Dad, really,” River said. 

 

“No, there are  _ rules _ now. He’s going to treat you properly--cherish and respect you like you deserve.” 

 

“Please,” Amy said. “You should’ve seen him the first time I met River--so in awe of her he didn’t even know what he was doing. I knew then that they were destined to be together. And you knew it too, the first time you met River. You said how perfect they were.” 

 

“That’s before I knew who she actually was. Amy, that’s our  _ baby!”  _ Rory frowned suddenly. "And I didn't hit Peter hard enough." 

 

"Yeah, me neither," Amy said. 

 

River swiveled to face her mother. "You hit him him too?"  

 

"'Course I did! Slapped him but good. What, did you think I wouldn't?"

 

River shook her head. "I should've known you would. Poor Peter." 

 

"'Poor Peter,'" Rory scoffed. "He's just lucky I didn't have my sword  _ then _ ." 

 

"And who's Peter?" The Doctor asked. 

 

"Just a bloke I hung out with sometimes when I was Mels," River said. 

 

"Boy, you really do lie all the time," Amy said. 

 

River smacked her. “Hush, you.” 

 

Finally the Doctor and the "Ponds" stood to leave. "See you around, Dr. Song," the Doctor said, kissing her lightly. River knew he was nervous about really snogging her in front of her parents. She flashed him a wicked smile and pulled him down for a proper good-bye. She heard Rory make a strangled sound while Amy just laughed in delight. 

 

She hugged Amy next. "Sorry I yelled," Amy whispered in her ear. "I was just--I couldn’t--"

 

"Hush," River said soothingly. "It's fine. We're good." Amy gave her a relieved squeeze and a quick peck on the cheek. 

 

River turned to burrow into her father’s embrace. He was so young, so new at being a dad, but the hug felt like it always had--warm and safe. He kissed the top of her head and whispered, “It seems so unreal--I can’t quite believe you’re Melody. My baby girl. Do you”--he hesitated--”do you mind if I call you that? Baby girl? Just sometimes.”

 

River smiled, thinking of all the times he’d already called her that from her perspective. “I don’t mind.” 

 

“Good.” He smiled back. “And I look forward to our day at the Statue of Liberty. I won’t go without you, okay? A proper first for both of us, yeah?” 

 

“Yeah. Sounds good.” River watched them leave. Her crazy, mixed up family. 

 

She wouldn’t trade them for anything. 


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the long delay! I've written a bunch after this chapter, but I couldn't post any of it until I got this one out of the way. And it was a stubborn one to get through! I'm still not happy with it, but it's done and we can move on now. Time of Angels will follow this one-yay! (I do so much better when I have an episode to work with.)

Chapter Thirteen

 

Keeping up with which Doctor she was dealing with got extraordinarily more complicated.

 

River was relieved beyond words that their timelines weren’t strictly back-to-front, but she had to admit that would have been simpler as far as keeping track. 

 

Shortly after the post-Demon’s Run Doctor left with her parents, she received a visit from her husband. Her beautiful, bowtie-wearing, idiot husband. He’d apparently just visited her parents for Christmas dinner. “You told them I was alive, River! Why would you do that? I told you to tell no one!”

 

“I didn’t! Or at least I haven’t. I guess I will now. You and Mum are so bad with the spoilers!” 

 

“Right, sorry,” the Doctor said sheepishly. “And it’s fine really. I’m...I’m actually glad they know. So yeah, just whenever the time’s right go ahead and tell them.” 

 

Then he whisked her away to visit the Aztecs, saying he had a craving for hot chocolate. 

 

Next was a Doctor still on the run before Lake Silencio. He took her to Victorian England to have tea with Vastra and Jenny. It would’ve been delightful if it hadn’t felt like he was saying good-bye. 

 

Now she was on assignment for the Church again, working on a distant moon of a planet in the Sombrero Galaxy. She heard the sound of the TARDIS brakes right before her head started aching.

 

Great. Another alternate timeline apparently. Maybe it was from before the Doctor rebooted the universe? 

 

_ Well, let’s find out then. _ “Hello, sweetie.” And my, he looked young. She reached for her diary. “Where are we?" An unpleasant thought popped into her head, staring at his face. "Do you...know who I am?"

 

The Doctor waved a hand. “Yes, yes, you're River Song."

 

"Right." She tried not to show her relief. Then, trying to figure out just which alternate timeline she was in, she asked, "Have we done the Pandorica?"

 

"Still say that it’s just a fairytale. And the last time I saw you, you said I’d see you again when the Pandorica opened...not here.” He looked around. “Wherever here is.”

 

River rolled her eyes. “This is an archaeological dig, sweetie. The locals refer to it as the Bone Meadows. And you’ll find when you do the Pandorica that Amy tells me what I said about it. Now you’ve done the same thing. I  have to say it now! Where is Amy anyway?” 

 

A dark shadow crossed the Doctor’s face. “Sleeping. She’s...well, she’s having a rather rough go of it.”

 

River frowned in concern. “What’s wrong? Will she be all right?” 

 

He shrugged. “I think so. I hope so.” He eyed River thoughtfully. “You know Amy in the future, right? You seem like you do.”

 

“Yes, I do,” River answered cautiously.

 

The Doctor plunked himself down next to her, watching her work. “Does she...is she happy in the future?” 

 

“Yes, very. Doctor, what’s wrong with her? Tell me now!” River could feel herself starting to panic.  _ Dammit, Doctor, that’s my mother you’re talking about! Tell me what’s going on! _

 

He stared at the ground. “She...lost someone. Someone very important to her. But due to circumstances I can’t divulge because of spoilers, she doesn’t  _ know _ she lost someone. So she’s sad and grieving and sleeping a lot, but she doesn’t even know why.” He looked up at River, his expression pained. “I just want to know that she’ll be okay.”

 

That did explain the headache. She was once again in the pre-Big Bang Two universe, and apparently her father had just died and fallen into the crack. Only this time River could remember him because she’d already lived his restoration. 

 

Bloody hell, her life was complicated.

 

Well, no time to dwell. River leaned forward and put a hand on the Doctor’s arm. “She will be. Actually, she’ll be more than okay. Amy Pond is always brilliant and amazing. Just give it time, Doctor. It all works out.” 

 

He visibly relaxed, a wide smile lighting up his face. “Right then! What do we have here? I wasn’t actually aiming for here--I was going to wander about Calderon Beta for a bit--had a hankering for chips.”

 

River laughed softly. Good thing the TARDIS hadn’t let the Doctor land there--at least not on one particular night. A Doctor this young would probably have a hearts attack seeing  _ those _ spoilers. 

 

“You’ve not heard the legend of the Bone Meadows?” 

 

He rolled his eyes. “I don’t pay attention to idle gossip, Dr. Song.” 

 

_ Not unless it involves you . _ Aloud River quoted, “Hill and meadow, dirt and stone. Buried treasure, buried bone. Time moves on, and flesh decays. But bones and curse will still remain.” 

 

“That’s complete rubbish,” the Doctor declared. “What’s that even supposed to mean?” 

 

“Supposedly there once was two people groups living here. One lived here in the meadow; the other was from the hills. They stayed separate for centuries, and everything was fine. But a hill-dweller wandered down to the meadow one day; legend says he fell in love with one of the fair maidens he’d spotted from afar. War broke out. And each side basically annihilated the other.” 

 

“ _ That _ particular tale has played out multiple times on every world in every time in every galaxy.”

 

“Of course. And love never does conquer all, does it?” River shrugged. “But supposedly the hill-dwellers had access to some caves that were filled with some sort of rare, precious ore. And the meadow people had a dark, powerful sort of magic. So when the war broke out, the meadow people looted the caves and buried all the ore. And as they were dying, they cursed the treasures.”

 

“River, you can’t  possibly believe such ridiculous nonsense!”

 

“Of course not, sweetie. But the fact remains that any dig conducted here has ended badly. People quit coming after a while--they all valued their lives too much. I personally think the ‘curse’ was a series of well-constructed booby traps. Nothing shows up on scans though. The Church is quite interested in that kind of enduring ingenious technology, so here I am--first archaeologist to set foot here in years.”

  
  
“Wait, people have  died as a result of these traps?”

 

“Yes, quite a few actually.”

  
  
“River! You shouldn’t be here! Why would the Church ask you to risk your life like that?” 

 

“As if they care about my life. I’m perfectly expendable in their book. But an undetectable trap still protecting its loot millennia after the fact?  _ That’s _ valuable merchandise.” 

 

The Doctor scowled and muttered under his breath, his expression dark. Flattering that he cared so much, even this young. Finally he asked, “Well, what precautions are you taking? If the traps don’t show up on your scanners, how are you avoiding them?”

 

“I’ve spent months studying every mention of the Bone Meadows in literature and lore, trying to suss out what the traps might be. It’s really a famous tale, spread out among the galaxy in various forms. There’s a child’s fable on Gorsetar Twelve that mentions hiding in plain sight. A fairly common theme in fairytales and the like but seeing it in relation to the Bone Meadows got me thinking. I think they used the ore itself somehow to create the traps that protect the ore. All that shows up on the scan is the ore. You think you’re safe. And then you end up dead, and the ore stays right where they left it.”

 

“Yes, yes, that makes perfect sense,” the Doctor said. “Well done figuring out the obvious. Still doesn’t tell me how you intend to stay alive!” 

 

“I’m scanning for the ore currently. When I’ve located what seems to be a large cache, I’m going to try to set off one of the traps”--she held up a hand when it looked like the Doctor would go apoplectic--”with a robot, Doctor. I’m not stupid, you know. But I need to see how the traps work before I can have any idea how to get around them.” 

 

The Doctor still didn’t look happy, but he agreed. He even pulled out his sonic screwdriver to start helping her with the scans. A few minutes later, they discovered a sizable pocket of ore. River pulled a small robotic device out of her bigger-on-the-inside pack. “Okay, stand back. I’m going to set the robot to try to dig up the ore." She entered a code and she and the Doctor back away to watch the robot work.

 

For a few minutes everything seemed to be going fine. The robot dug deeper and deeper into the dirt. River began to wonder if they’d found an unprotected stash of ore. 

 

The there was a crackle and flash of electrical charge sizzling all the way up the robot. Finally the sparking stopped, and it stood there, smoking. 

 

“Okay, an electrical current of some sort.” River made a notation. “Now let’s see if it’s a one-off or if there’s still enough left for another victim.” She sent over robot number two. The results were the same.

  
  
Three robots later, River was growing discouraged. “The charge isn’t even lessening. The trap isn’t deteriorating through use. Who knows how many ‘bots I could kill before it finally ran out of current? More than I’ve got, certainly.”

 

“I think the ore itself is providing the current,” the Doctor said. “Which makes me wonder how either group ever used it. Obviously, it’s a fantastic power source, but you’d have to be able to transport it to where it’s needed somehow!” 

 

“Very true.” River thought for a moment. “Bones and curse…” She picked up her scanner again. 

 

“What are you doing?” the Doctor wanted to know.

 

“I was thinking about the poem,” River said. “It emphasizes the bones over and over--just as many times as it does the ore. And this is called the Bone Meadows. I think that’s significant. I think the  _ bones _ are significant.” 

 

The Doctor stared at her blankly for a long moment. Then his eyes lit up. “Of course! River Song, you’re brilliant.” 

 

River smiled. “Thank you, sweetie.” They got to work and found a mass grave nearby. River dug up the largest bone she could find. She set up her last robot with it and sent it back to the ore location. The robot started digging, this time using the bone. 

 

It worked. The robot unearthed an impressive stash of ore without ever triggering its own demise by electrocution. “Hiding in plain sight,” River said. “It really does pay to do one’s research.” 

 

“Research is boring,” the Doctor said. “Could’ve come to same conclusion analyzing the ore and the bones.”

 

“And how likely were you to analyze the bones? And would you have been electrocuted into your next regeneration before you thought of it?” 

 

He scowled. “Shut up. I’ve been knocking about for a long time, Dr. Song. I’d have taken the proper readings before diving right in.”

 

“Of course you would have,” she agreed, rolling her eyes. Bless. 

 

River reported her findings to the clerics who were in charge of the mission. “Well, my love, my work here is done. Now that they know to use the bones, they’ll finish up here. I’ll be off. Until next time?”

 

“At the Pandorica, I presume?” 

 

She chuckled. “Yes, I suppose at the Pandorica for you. Tell Amy I said hello.” 

 

“Oh, sure, of course.” But she could tell from his expression that he had no intention of even telling Amy he’d seen her. Infuriating man. 

 

But she gave a mental shrug and headed back to the transport. She was making progress toward her pardon with these missions, but for now Stormcage still waited. 

 

###

 

River supposed accumulating points toward an early release might go faster if she didn't keep  _ losing _ those points with her frequent escapes. 

 

She couldn't bring herself to care too much though. Especially not now that she was finally seeing her husband with some degree of consistency. 

 

She saw younger versions too, and by now the order of their meetings were so jumbled together that she'd never keep it all straight without the diary. 

 

Still, at the rate she was going she'd never earn that pardon. She lost points almost as fast as she earned them. 

 

But she’d figured out that the Church used something of a "weighted" system. The more  _ they _ benefitted from a particular job, the more points they awarded her. 

 

So every time River was on a mission, she looked beyond her basic assignment for additional things to sweeten the pot. It reminded her of those early days before she enrolled at Luna. She flirted and conned; she lied, cheated, and stole. She used her ingrained fighting and shooting skills, and she did an awful lot of running. 

 

It was actually kind of fun.

 

And it was starting to work. She'd finally contributed enough benefit to the Church that it offset her demerits. 

 

One more big mission should do it. And then she'd be free. 

 


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I won't bore you with any long explanations. I'll just apologize for the delay and move on! This chapter covers the episode "Time of Angels." Hope you enjoy!
> 
> I still own nothing.

Chapter Fourteen

 

The Weeping Angels. River frowned as she studied the book. This volume was supposed to be the best reference available, but she couldn’t make sense of any of it.

 

She would definitely need the Doctor’s expertise on this one. This mission was too important to leave anything to chance. The fact that the Church had put someone like Father Octavian in charge proved that.

 

This could be her chance to finally earn that pardon.

 

Well, she’d run out of time to prepare; it was time to board the Byzantium and see what she could learn. First order of business was to access the starliner’s vault and verify the statue there actually was an Angel. No sense wasting the time of the esteemed bishop and his clerics if not.

 

Her ticket onto the ship was a party--an absolutely fabulous bash. She spent her time talking, flirting, and dancing. She needed as much information as possible, and those always proved the most effective means of getting it. It was working perfectly until she got to Alistair. For _some_ reason, Alistair didn’t seem to trust her.

 

Pity--someone in his position would be incredibly useful. But no matter. She didn’t think anyone aboard this vessel knew who she really was, but she wouldn’t take any chances. If Alistair wasn’t her ticket to the inside of that vault, she’d find someone else who was.

 

Party guests were supposed to disembark once the affair was over, and the Byzantium would move on to its next location for another soiree. But River found a hiding place and stayed on board. The next morning, she made her way to the vault.

 

The guard on duty was young and not nearly as suspicious as he should have been. It took mere moments of simpering to get close enough to kiss him. Her hallucinogenic lipstick took care of the rest.

 

And it was indeed a Weeping Angel. Dormant, but still a danger to everyone on the ship. She had to warn them.

 

She tried to do exactly that and quickly discovered that Alistair had turned everyone against her.

 

And now Alistair wanted her silenced. By any means necessary.

 

Well, the Byzantium was a category four starliner. Its home box would eventually end up in a museum somewhere.

 

And eventually the Doctor would visit that museum and find it.

 

River located the home box quickly. She etched her message in Gallifreyan. That would get the Doctor’s attention. She set up her escape route. Then she made sure the cameras were working and sent the Doctor a saucy wink.

 

By then, Alistair and his cronies had caught up to her. “The party’s over, Dr. Song, yet you’re still on board.”

 

“Sorry, Alistair.” River spoke in a careless tone. ”I needed to see what was in your vault. Do you all know what's down there? Any of you? Because I'll tell you something. This ship won't reach its destination.” She ignored Alistair’s statement about running and execution and began rattling off coordinates and added a request for an air corridor. Then she added, “Like I said on the dance floor, you might want to find something to hang on to.” The timer she’d set began to beep frantically, and recognition dawned in Alistair’s eyes. He grabbed a nearby pipe.

 

River blew a kiss as the door behind her blew open, sending her straight out into space and through the open doors of the TARDIS.

 

She landed right on top of the Doctor. Well, now. This was nice. Pity they didn’t have a whole lot of time. She scrambled to her feet. “Follow that ship!”

 

###

 

Apparently this Doctor was awfully young. How in the worlds did he not know about the stabilizers?

 

Even worse, her _mother_ was awfully young, asking how she could fly the TARDIS.

 

Well, there wasn’t any point letting either of them see how it affected her, so she assumed an air of assurance as she worked the controls. “Okay, I've mapped the probability vectors, done a fold-back on the temporal isometry, charted the ship to its destination, and parked us right along side.”

 

The Doctor sputtered, protesting that she couldn’t have possibly parked when they hadn’t even landed yet.

 

River rolled her eyes. “Of course we've landed. I just landed her.”

 

The Doctor argued again and did a pretty impressive imitation of the TARDIS wheeze. And then he attempted to have Amy follow him out the doors.

 

Well, that wouldn’t do. River trusted the Doctor with her life, but she wasn’t going to let him drag her mother off to a strange planet without doing proper safety checks. “No, wait! Environment checks.”

 

And the cheeky git poked his head out the door. “Nice out.”

 

River stamped down her exasperation and looked at what the TARDIS scans indicated. “We're somewhere in the Garn Belt. There's an atmosphere. Early indications suggest…”

 

The Doctor interrupted. “We're on Alfava Metraxis, the seventh planet of the Dundra System. Oxygen-rich atmosphere, toxins in the soft band, eleven hour day, and”--he stuck his head out again--”chances of rain later.”

 

“He thinks he’s so hot when he does that,” River told Amy. She didn’t admit that he was absolutely right.

 

“How come you can fly the TARDIS?” Amy asked again.

 

She wasn’t going to let that go, was she? “Oh, I had lessons from the very best,” River said airily. And when the Doctor started to smugly take credit, she added, “It’s a shame you were busy that day.”

 

Okay, so he’d been busy dying because she’d poisoned him. Not really a fair shot, she had to admit. But it was always so hard dealing with these younger Doctors. And it was worth it to see his stunned expression.

 

But enough feeling sorry for herself; time to get down to business. She picked up her shoes. “Right then. Why did they land here?”

 

“They didn’t land,” the Doctor said.

 

What was he on about? “Sorry?”  


 

The Doctor was smug again. “You should've checked the home box. It crashed.”

 

River exited the TARDIS and had a brief moment of panic when the Doctor shut the door behind her--with him and Amy still inside. Was he not coming? Surely he was coming!

 

But a few minutes later, they joined her. River hid her relief and asked what had caused the crash--she knew she hadn’t done it.

 

The Doctor agreed, but his summary of the home box data brought back her unease. If the ship had been sabotaged, then perhaps that Weeping Angel wasn’t as dormant as she’d have liked. Time to get Octavian and his clerics here.

 

She almost missed a keystroke when her mother asked the Doctor to introduce them. She was used to an Amy who didn’t know River was her daughter; she _wasn’t_ used to an Amy who didn’t know who she was at all.

 

Thankfully the Doctor distracted her, even if it was quite unintentional on his part. “Amy Pond, Professor River Song.”

 

Professor? Maybe this mission would earn her pardon. Still, she took advantage of the Doctor’s slip. “I'm going to be a Professor some day, am I? How exciting!” She laughed at the Doctor’s wince. “Spoilers!”

 

She heard Amy whisper to the Doctor and answered her mother’s question for him. “Two things always guaranteed to show up in a museum: the home box of a category four starliner and, sooner or later, him. It's how he keeps score.”

 

And with that, River won Amy as a friend just as easily as Mels had done. The ginger laughed in delight. “I know!”

 

Apparently the two of them bonding irked the Doctor, who faked a laugh behind them. “I'm nobody's taxi service! I'm not gonna be there to catch you every time you feel like jumping out of a spaceship.”

 

Well, he could think that if he wanted to; River knew better. But right now there were more important things to worry about. Like that Angel on the Byzantium. “And you are so wrong. There's one survivor. There's a thing in the belly of that ship that can't ever die. Now he's listening!” She spoke into her communicator. “You lot in orbit yet? Yeah, I saw it land. I'm at the crash site. Try and home in on my signal.” She held the device up. “Doctor, can you sonic me? I need to boost the signal so we can use it as a beacon.”

 

Young though he was, the Doctor didn’t question her. He simply did as she asked, much to Amy’s delight. Her mother always could make an innuendo out of anything.

 

River had definitely inherited that particular trait.

 

Well, time to figure out just how young of a Doctor she was dealing with here. She did have the telltale headache, so probably he was pre-Pandorica. She pulled out her diary. “We have a minute. Shall we? Where were we up to? Have we done the Bone Meadows?”

 

The Doctor acted almost afraid of the blue book. Bloody hell, this must be ridiculously early for him. Surprising he even knew her at all, really.

 

She didn’t have time to dwell though, for Octavian and some of his men had arrived. “You promised me an army, Dr. Song,” the bishop said disapprovingly.

 

“No, I promised you the equivalent of an army,” she retorted. “This is the Doctor.”

 

Oh, bless. Octavian almost fell over himself in admiration. “Father Octavian, sir. Bishop, second class. Twenty clerics at my command. The troops are already in the drop ship and landing shortly. Dr. Song was helping us with a covert investigation. Has Dr. Song explained what we're dealing with?”

 

Better go ahead and do that then. “Doctor, what do you know of the Weeping Angels?”

 

From the way he rounded on her, his expression tense, River knew he’d encountered them before. Good. They’d need every advantage they could get.

 

###

 

A few minutes later, River was showing the Doctor and Amy the footage she’d gotten from the security cameras in the starliner’s vault. The Doctor confirmed that it was indeed a Weeping Angel and asked where it had come from. River shrugged. “Oh, pulled from the ruins of Razbahan, end of last century. It's been in private hands ever since, dormant all that time.”

 

“There’s a difference between dormant and patient,” the Doctor warned.

 

And the radiation from the Byzantium’s crash would only make the Angel more powerful. Fantastic.

 

Octavian told River to come with him, but River said she needed a couple of minutes. “Sweetie, I need you.” She hid a sigh when it took a couple of beats for the Doctor to realize that “Sweetie” meant him.

 

Poor young idiot.

 

But she showed him the book she’d found on the Weeping Angels and watched as he looked through it.

  
Amy poked her head out briefly to ask if River had more than one Angel clip. River assured her that it was only the one four-second clip. Amy went back in the room, and River watched the Doctor frown and mutter about the book being wrong.

 

Finally she couldn’t resist asking just how early this was for him.

 

“Very early.”

 

“So you don’t know who I am yet.”  

 

“How do you know who I am? I don’t always look the same.”

 

River hid her surprise. If he didn’t think she’d know him...had he just regenerated into this body? Was this the first time he’d met her with this particular face of his?

 

A host of emotions crashed through her. The Doctor standing in front of her was the furthest from being her husband--even from being the man who knew and loved her--than any version she’d met so far. He didn’t trust her or perhaps even _like_ her yet--she’d have to earn that. And wasn’t that a daunting task?

 

But...if this was the first time this face had met her and he knew who she was and what the diary was for...well, that meant she was going to meet an earlier version of him. A whole new Doctor out there for her to have adventures with.

 

What a lovely thought. She almost beamed.

 

But she couldn’t afford to show any of that this early. So instead she gave some excuse about having pictures of all his faces. It wasn’t even a complete lie--hadn’t she studied pictures of him during her training at Greystark? She thought she had.

 

And apparently it triggered a thought for the Doctor. “Pictures? Why aren’t there pictures? This whole book--it's a warning, about the Weeping Angels. So why no pictures? Why not show us what to look out for?”

 

“There was a bit about images,” River said.

 

And then they were running back to where Amy was.

 

Amy was trapped--with an Angel. “Doctor, it’s coming out of the television!” she cried.

 

After a few minutes of frantically trying to override the controls, River took out a blowtorch to get through the door that way. Damned if she’d let some Angel have her mother.

 

But the door wasn’t even warm yet. This would never work in time.

 

But in the end, Amy saved herself. River beamed with pride. Her mum always had been rather brilliant. The Doctor might not be appreciating it at the moment, but she did.

 

Now that they knew that the Angel was no longer dormant nor particularly patient, they joined the others. Amy asked where they were. “It's an Aplan mortarium. Sometimes called a maze of the dead.”

 

It was entirely too perfect a hiding place for the creature they sought. “A stone angel on the loose amongst stone statues. A lot harder than I'd prayed for,” Octavian said.

 

“A needle in a haystack,” River agreed.

 

Of course, the Doctor tried to make her statement more clever, failed miserably, and finally gave up.

 

And then Octavian threatened her with telling the Doctor who she really was--as if the idiot bishop even knew. Honestly.

 

But River knew this mission was her best chance for earning her pardon and told the man so. “I won't let you down. Believe you me, I have no intention of going back to prison.”

 

Octavian headed off, and River wandered over to Amy. Amy kept rubbing her eye and was starting to look concerned. “You all right?” River asked.

 

Amy didn’t know her well enough to answer truthfully. “Yeah, I'm fine. So, what's a maze of the dead?”

 

“Oh, it's not as bad as it sounds. It's just a labyrinth with dead people buried in the walls. Okay, that was fairly bad.” River decided that if Amy could change the subject she could too. She pulled out a syringe. “Right give me your arm. This won't hurt a bit.” She gave her mother the shot, and Amy yelped. “There, you see. I lied. It's a viro-stabiliser. Stabilises your metabolism against radiation, drive burn, anything. You're going to need it when we get up to that ship.”

 

“So what's he like?” Amy asked. “In the future, I mean. ‘Cause you know him in the future, don't you?”

 

What a loaded question. “The Doctor? Well, the Doctor's the Doctor.”

 

Amy scoffed at the rather unhelpful answer, and River noticed the Doctor trying to pretend he wasn’t eavesdropping. Like she’d let him get away with that. “Yes, we are,” she said cheerfully.

 

The Doctor pretended to be intent on the readings from her device. “Sorry, what?”

 

“Talking about you.”

 

“I wasn’t listening. I was busy,” the Doctor insisted.

 

“Ah.” Sure he was. “The other way up,” she told him. He turned the device around.

 

Amy was delighted. “You’re so his wife.”

 

River deflected. “Oh, Amy, Amy, Amy! This is the Doctor we're talking about. Do you really think it could be anything that simple?”

 

“Yep.” Amy sounded smug.

 

Her clever mum. Did the Doctor know yet how clever she was? “You're good. I'm not saying you're right...but you are very good.”

 

They moved into the maze. Amy wondered if the whole thing might collapse. “Incredible builders, the Aplans,” River assured her. The Doctor mentioned having had dinner with the chief architect once, then asked what the end of the book had said. River read aloud, “What if we had ideas that could think for themselves? What if one day our dreams no longer needed us? When these things occur and are held to be true, the time will be upon us. The time of Angels."

 

They continued on, and eventually Amy grew impatient with the whole thing. “Are we there yet? It's a hell of a climb.”

 

“The maze is on six levels representing the ascent of the soul,” River explained. “Only two levels to go.”

 

“Lovely species, the Aplans. We should visit them some time,” the Doctor said.

 

“I thought they were all dead?” Amy asked dryly.

 

“So's Virginia Woolf. I'm on her bowling team. Very relaxed, sort of cheerful. That's having two heads. You're never short of a snog with an extra head.”

 

River felt a twinge of unease. “Doctor, there's something. I don't know what it is…”

 

“Yeah, something wrong. Don't know what it is yet either, working on it. Then they started having laws against self-marrying and what was that about? But that's the Church for you. Erm, no offence, Bishop.”

 

Octavian huffed out a response, and River hid her amusement. The Doctor didn’t even know her whole story yet, but she agreed with his opinion of the Church wholeheartedly.

 

They reached a point where the lowest part of the wreckage was only about fifty feet above them. Almost there. Amy commented, “Church had a point, if you think about it. The divorces must have been messy.”

 

That did it, for River and the Doctor both. The Doctor stopped and stared at a statue. “Oh!”

 

“How could we not notice that?” River wanted to know.

 

“Low level perception filter, or maybe we're thick.”

 

Octavian asked just what was going on, and the Doctor answered, “Nobody move. Everyone stay exactly where they are. Bishop, I am truly sorry. I've made a mistake and we are all in danger.”

 

“What danger?” Octavian still wasn’t catching on.

 

So River explained that the Aplans had two heads. When the bishop still didn’t get it, the Doctor spelled it out for him. “So why don't the statues?”

 

The Doctor had everyone turn off their torches. When they turned them back on, the statues had moved. They were now in front of them, facing them. “They’re Angels. All of them,” the Doctor said.

 

River didn’t want to believe it, even in the face of all the evidence. She really didn’t want this to be true. “There was only one Angel on the ship. Just the one, I swear.”

 

Amy asked if they could have been here already. The Doctor asked how the Aplans died.

 

River had studied all the archaeological data available on the Aplans back at Luna. “Nobody knows.”

 

“We know,” the Doctor said grimly.

 

Amy and Octavian, still trying to deny the reality, argued about how these statues neither looked nor acted like Angels. That was all it took for the Doctor to work out the rest of it. These Angels had been here for a long time and were starving, dying. The crash had been a deliberate rescue mission on the part of the Angel in the ship’s vault. “We're in the middle of an army, and it's waking up.”

 

Bob radioed them, and the situation went from bad to worse. The Angel had snapped the necks not only of several clerics but of Bob himself.

 

And now it was coming toward them.

 

The Doctor had them move on ahead. They came to an open chamber. The Byzantium was about thirty feet above them now. Finally the Doctor and Amy joined them. A cleric noted that the torches kept flickering, and River saw the gravity globe was as well.

 

“Yeah, it's the Angels,” the Doctor said. “They're coming. And they're draining the power for themselves.”

 

“The statues are advancing on all sides and we don't have the climbing equipment to reach the Byzantium,” Octavian said.

 

“There's no way up, no way back, no way out. No pressure, but this is usually when you have a really good idea,” River told the Doctor.

 

The statues got closer, and then the Angel used Bob’s voice to taunt the Doctor. “You told me my fear would keep me alive but I died afraid, in pain, and alone. You made me trust you, and when it mattered, you let me down.”

 

“What are they doing?” Amy whispered to River.

 

Pleased that her mother already trusted her to have the answers, River whispered back, “They’re trying to make him angry.” And didn’t that make the Angels stupid beyond belief, not realizing how insanely idiotic it was to anger this particular Timelord?

 

Sure enough, the Doctor responded with, “Well, then, the Angels have made their second mistake because I'm not going to let that pass. I'm sorry you're dead, Bob, but I swear to whatever is left of you, they will be sorrier.”

 

The Angel was puzzled by the Doctor’s response. “But you're trapped, sir, and about to die.”

 

It was the Doctor’s turn to taunt now, and he mocked the Angel for a glaring mistake made in this trap. Then he turned to Amy. “Trust me?”

 

Amy answered in the affirmative. The Doctor then asked River, “Trust me?”

 

“Always,” was River’s heartfelt reply.

 

The Doctor repeated his question to Octavian and the clerics. “We have faith, sir,” Octavian said gravely.

 

The Doctor asked for Octavian’s gun and informed them he was about to do something stupid and dangerous. When he did, they were to jump. “Just jump, high as you can. Come on, leap of faith, Bishop. On my signal.”

 

The Angel still wanted to know what mistake could have been made. And now the Doctor was downright gloating. “Oh, big mistake. Huge. There's one thing you never put in a trap, if you're smart, if you value your continued existence, if you have any plans about seeing tomorrow, there is one thing you never, _ever_ put in a trap.”

 

“And what would that be, sir?” the Angel queried.

 

“Me!” And the Doctor fired at the gravity globe, causing it to explode.

 


	15. Chapter Fifteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This covers the episode "Flesh and Stone." Hope you enjoy--would love to hear what you think!

Chapter Fifteen

 

They were all recovering from their jump, but River noticed that Amy wasn’t recovering quite as quickly as the others. “You okay?” she asked her mother.

 

“What happened?” Amy asked.

 

“We jumped,” River said.

 

“Jumped where?”

 

The Doctor took over. “Up, up, look up!”

 

Amy didn’t get it. “Where are we?”

 

“Exactly where we were,” River said.

 

“No, we’re not.” Amy had always been stubborn. 

 

“Move your feet.” The Doctor soniced an indention on the floor. 

 

Amy looked around. “Doctor, what am I looking at?” 

 

“Oh, come on, Amy, think! The ship crashed with the power still on, yeah? So what else is still on? The artificial gravity. One good jump”--the Doctor demonstrated with a jump--”and up we fell. Shot out the grav-globe to give us an updraft, and here we are.” 

 

Octavian observed that the statues looked more Angel-like now, and the Doctor agreed that they were feeding off the wreckage radiation. 

 

And then they were on the move again, with the Doctor reminding them not to take their eyes off of the Angels. When their escape got blocked off, Octavian muttered, “This whole place is a death trap.”

 

“No, it's a time bomb,” the Doctor said. “Well, it's a death trap and a time bomb. And now it's a dead end. Nobody panic.” The Angels tried to come in the exterior door. “Oh, just me then. What's through here?”

 

“Secondary flight deck,” River answered. 

 

“Okay, so we've basically run up the inside of a chimney, yeah? So what if the gravity fails?” Amy asked. 

 

River went to work to try to bypass the power while the Doctor replied that he’d thought about that possibility. Amy pressed again, and he admitted, “And we'll all plunge to our deaths. See. I've thought about it. The security protocols are still live. There's no way to override them, it's impossible.”

 

“How impossible?” River shot back.

 

“Two minutes,” he said. 

 

An Angel began making its way inside. The Doctor reminded them not to look at the eyes while they kept a watch on the creatures. “Anywhere else. Not the eyes.” He added that he had isolated the lighting grid. The Angels wouldn’t be able to drain the power now. 

 

But then he needed the power for the door. He would have to kill the lights, and he didn’t know for how long. “I'm guessing. We're being attacked by statues in a crashed ship, there isn't a manual for this!” River could hear his frustration.

 

And Octavian wasn’t sold on the plan. “Dr Song, I've lost good Clerics today. You trust this man?”

 

That was an easy question. “I absolutely trust him.”

 

“He's not some kind of madman then?” Octavian persisted.

 

Well, that was a bit harder. “I absolutely trust him.” 

 

The Doctor moved off to do his job, and Octavian said to River, “I'm taking your word, because you're the only one who can manage this guy. But that only works so long as he doesn't know who you are. You cost me any more men, and I might just tell him. Understood?” 

 

Octavian didn’t know the first thing about who she was really, but this early in the Doctor’s timestream, the bishop might just be able to poison the Doctor against her. “Understood.” 

 

Satisfied, Octavian assured the Doctor that they had his back. “Combat distance, ten feet. As soon as the lights go down, continuous fire. Full spread over the hostiles. Do not stop firing while the lights are out. Shot gun protocol, we don't have bullets to waste,” the bishop told his men. 

 

The next few minutes involved a lot of doors, corridors, and running. Finally they reached the secondary flight deck. The Doctor went to one of the controls while Octavian magnetized the door shut. “Magnetized the door. Nothing could turn that wheel now,” Octavian assured them.

 

“Yeah?” the Doctor asked as the wheel began to turn. The bishop gasped in horror, and the Doctor continued, “Ah, now you're getting it! You've bought us time though, that's good. I am good with time.”

 

One door after another began to spin open, and Octavian frantically sent clerics to seal each one. “We need another way out of here,” River said, trying not to think about why Amy might be saying random numbers. 

 

“There isn’t one,” Octavian said grimly.

 

“Yeah, there is, course there is. This is a galaxy class ship, goes for years between planet-falls.” The Doctor snapped his fingers. “So what do they need?”

 

“Of course,” River said, and Octavian understood too.

 

But Amy wasn’t from a time where galaxy class ships existed, and she didn’t get it until the Doctor opened the wall and revealed what they meant. “It’s a forest,” Amy said, stunned.

 

“Yeah, it’s a forest,” River agreed. “It’s an oxygen factory.” The Doctor also hoped that it was a way of escape. 

 

Octavian moved on to examine whether the forest might be their salvation. Amy was still confused so the Doctor explained, “Oh, more than trees, way better than trees. You're going to love this.” He stepped into the forest. “Tree borgs…” He opened section of moss to reveal circuitry. “Trees plus technology. Branches become cables, become sensors on the hull. A forest sucking in starlight, breathing out air. It even rains. There's a whole mini-climate. It is an eco-pod running through the heart of the ship. A forest in a bottle, on a spaceship, in a maze. Have I impressed you yet, Amy Pond?” 

 

Amy chuckled and said, “Seven.” She denied it when the Doctor questioned her about it, but River knew her mother had been counting down for some reason for the last few minutes. 

 

Octavian returned to say that he’d found an exit that led to the primary flight deck. Then Angel Bob radioed again. He and the Doctor bantered back and forth a bit, but then the Doctor demanded to know what had been done to Amy. 

 

“There is something in her eye,” the Angel said.

 

“What’s in her eye?” the Doctor asked.

 

“We are,” Angel Bob replied.

 

Amy protested. “What's he talking about? Doctor, I'm five. I mean, five. Fine! I'm fine.” 

 

“You’re counting,” River said. The Doctor added that she had been doing so for several minutes now. 

 

“Well, counting down to what?” Amy wanted to know. 

 

“We shall take her. We shall take all of you. We shall have dominion over all time and space,” Bob’s voice said from the communicator. 

 

The Doctor scoffed. “Get a life, Bob. Oops, sorry again. There's power on this ship, but nowhere near that much.” 

 

“With respect, sir, there is more power on this ship than you yet understand,” the Angel said. His words were followed by a loud, horrible screeching. 

 

“What is that?” River asked. 

 

“It's hard to put in your terms, Dr. Song, but as best I understand it, the Angels are laughing,” said Angel Bob.

 

And then they noticed the glowing crack. “That's...that's like the crack from my bedroom wall from when I was a little girl,” Amy whispered. 

 

  
“Okay, enough, we’re moving out!” Octavian ordered. 

 

River agreed, but the Doctor was busying sonicing the crack. “What are you doing?”

 

“Right with you,” the Doctor assured her.

 

As if she believed that. “We're not leaving without you!”

 

“Oh, yes, you are! Bishop?” And the Doctor sicced Octavian on them. Resigned, River pulled her mother into the forest. 

 

But Amy began to move slower and slower, looking pale and sick. River grabbed her arms. “Amy? Amy, what’s wrong?” 

 

“Four,” Amy said and curled up on a rock covered in moss.

 

“Dr. Song, we can’t stay here. We’ve got to keep moving,” Octavian said. 

 

“We wait for the Doctor,” River insisted, using her device to scan Amy. 

 

Octavian began rattling on about what his mission was, but River cut him off. “Father Octavian, when the Doctor is in the room, your only mission is to keep him alive long enough to get everyone else home. And trust me, it's not easy. Now, if he's dead back there, I'll never forgive myself, and if he's alive, I'll never forgive him.” Realization struck her. “And, Doctor, you're standing right behind me, aren't you?”

 

“Oh, yeah,” the git responded cheerfully. 

 

River turned to face him. “I hate you.” 

 

And even as young as he was he knew the answer. “You don’t.” Then he turned serious, warning Octavian that the Angels were in the forest. 

 

“How did you get past them?” River asked.

 

“Found a crack in the wall and told them it was the end of the universe.”

 

The mention of the crack got Amy’s attention, even as weak as she was. “What was it?” 

 

“The end of the universe. Let's have a look then.” The Doctor looked at the scanner. 

 

“So what's wrong with me?” the ginger asked.

 

“Nothing. You're fine.” River refused to believe anything else. 

 

“Everything, you're dying,” the Doctor countered. 

 

  
“Doctor!” River wanted to slap him.

 

“Yes, you're right, if we lie to her, she'll get all better! Right. Amy! Amy. What's the matter with Amelia? Something's in her eye. What does that mean? Doesn't mean anything.”

 

The Doctor spent the next few minutes trying to work it out, and he wasn’t doing it fast enough for River’s liking. He finally realized that there was an Angel in Amy’s mind, having entered through the “door” of her eyes when she stared at the Angel’s image on the television screen. The Angels were having her count down to her death for their own amusement. 

 

Amy asked what she was supposed to do. The Doctor thought aloud, “If it was a real screen, what would we do, we'd pull the plug. But we can't just knock her out, the Angel would take over!”

 

He needed to figure something out  _ now _ , River thought. “Then what? Quickly!”

 

“We've got to shut down the vision centers of her brain. We've got to pull the plug, starve the Angel,” the Doctor said. 

 

River looked at the scanner. “Doctor, she's got seconds.”  _ You’d better save her, Doctor… _

 

“How would you starve your lungs?” the Doctor asked.

 

Why was he wasting time like this? “I’d stop breathing.” 

 

Apparently that clarified it for him. “Amy, close your eyes!” 

 

Amy protested but finally did as she was told. River breathed a sigh of relief as her scanner’s indicator turned green. “She’s normalizing.” Thankfully. 

 

But Amy was too weak to move, and they needed to move on. The Doctor was working out a plan, and it involved him and River heading to the primary flight deck. 

 

Octavian wasn’t going to stand for that. “Doctor, I'm coming with you. My Clerics can look after Miss Pond. These are my best men, they'd lay down their lives in her protection.”

 

“I don’t need you,” the Doctor said. 

 

“I don't care,” Octavian replied. “Where Dr. Song goes, I go.”

 

The Doctor’s eyes flicked from River to the bishop. “What? You two engaged or something?”

 

He sounded less than pleased with that prospect. 

 

And Octavian responded with, “Yes, in a manner of speaking.” River couldn’t decide whether to bless the man or curse him for that answer. 

 

But the Doctor agreed, leaving instructions for the men guarding Amy and telling River to bring her computer. As they moved through the forest, following Octavian, the computer began to beep. The Doctor checked the readings. “What’s that?” River asked.

 

“Readings from a crack in a wall.”

 

“How can a crack in the wall be the end of the universe?” Sure, she sort of knew the answer to that, since she’d already done the Pandorica and rebooted the universe, but sometimes you just had to keep the Doctor talking so he could think through everything properly.

 

“Here's what I think,” the Doctor said. “One day there'll be a very big bang, so big every moment in history--past and future--will crack.”

 

He’d already worked out a good bit of it, River noted. “Is that possible? How?”

 

“How can you be engaged in a manner of speaking?” the Doctor retorted. Bless, was he jealous? This soon? 

 

“Well...sucker for a man in uniform.” River smiled. 

 

But apparently she’d irritated Octavian somehow. The bishop joined them and announced, “Dr. Song is in my personal custody. I released her from the Stormcage Containment Facility four days ago and I am legally responsible for her until she has accomplished her mission and earned her pardon. Just so we understand each other.”

 

“You were in Stormcage?” the Doctor asked. But before she could even try to formulate a response, the device beeped. 

 

“What? What is it?” she asked.

 

“The date! The date of the explosion where the crack begins,” the Doctor said. 

 

River eyed the results. “And for those of us who can't read the base code of the universe?”

 

“Amy’s time!” 

 

###

 

The three had reached the primary flight deck and were trying to figure out a way in. Finally Octavian got it and helped River in. The Doctor was muttering something about time being unwritten. “Doctor, we have to move,” Octavian urged. 

 

River moved on, trusting that Octavian would get the Doctor in here. She was checking various systems when the Doctor wandered in alone. “There's a teleport! If I can get it to work, we can beam the others here. Where's Octavian?”

 

“Octavian’s dead; so is that teleport. You're wasting your time. I'm going to need your communicator.” He took it from her, while she grappled with the fact that Father Octavian was gone. How was that possible? 

 

Amy’s terrified voice came over the communicator, talking about the clerics with her going into the light and not coming back and not even remembering each other. “No. They wouldn't,” the Doctor said sadly.

 

“What is that light?” River asked.

 

“Time running out,” the Doctor said. 

 

The Doctor told Amy she had to come to them and was using the sonic screwdriver to direct her. He wanted her to keep her eyes closed but walk like she could see. “It's never going to work,” River said. She was going to have to get that teleport working, regardless of what the Doctor thought. 

 

“That time energy, what's it going to do?” she asked.

 

The Doctor admitted that it would just keep eating unless they fed it a big, complicated space-time event. River didn’t like the sound of that. “Like what, for instance?” 

 

“Like me, for instance!” he shouted. 

 

  
As if she’d ever let that happen. 

 

But right now there were more pressing matters at hand. Amy was now surrounded by Angels. River had to get that transport operational  _ now. _

 

In the nick of time, she managed it and caught her mother as Amy materialized on the flight deck. River spoke soothingly. “Don't open your eyes. You're on the flight deck; the Doctor's here. I teleported you.”

 

“River Song, I could bloody kiss you,” the Doctor exulted.

 

It was a tempting thought, but River remembered the Doctor’s first kiss all too well. She chuckled. “Ah, well, maybe when you’re older.” An alarm blared. “What’s that?” 

 

“The Angels are draining the last of the ship's power, which means...the shield's going to release!” 

 

Sure enough, the shield to the forest gave way, and they were greeted by a large number of Angels. “Angel Bob, I presume,” the Doctor said.

 

“The Time Field is coming. It will destroy our reality,” the Angel said.

 

“Yeah, and look at you, all running away,” the Doctor shot back. “What can I do for you?” 

 

“There is a rupture in time. The Angels calculate that if you throw yourself into it, it will close and they will be saved.”

 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Could do, could do that. But why?” The Doctor seemed to enjoy bantering with Bob, River thought.

 

“Your friends would also be saved.” Uh-oh. The Angel knew how to push the right buttons. 

 

Sure enough, the Doctor said thoughtfully, “Well, there is that.”

 

Nope, no, not happening, not a chance. River stepped forward. “I've traveled in time. I'm a complicated space-time event, too. Throw me in.”

 

The Doctor scoffed. “Oh, be serious! Compared to me, these Angels are more complicated than you and it would take every one of them to amount to me, so get a grip.”

 

“Doctor, I can't let you do this,” River insisted. 

 

“No, seriously, get a grip,” the Doctor said again.

 

River was frantic. “You're not going to die here!”

 

“No, I mean it. River, Amy, get a grip.”

 

And finally she realized what he had in mind. “Oh, you genius!” She went over to Amy. She let the Doctor continue his repartee with Bob while she placed her mother’s hands on a handle. “You hold on tight and don't you let go for anything.”

 

The gravity failed, and the Doctor grabbed hold of a handle as well. The three of them kept their grips while the Angels fell into the crack and it finally closed in a bright burst of light. 

 

###

 

River was waiting for her transport back to prison when the Doctor wandered over to her. She held up her hands. “You, me, handcuffs. Must it always end this way?” Did she see something flicker in his eyes? 

 

“What now?” the Doctor asked.

 

What now indeed. “The prison ship's in orbit. They'll beam me up any second. I might have done enough to earn a pardon this time. We'll see.”

 

“Octavian said you killed a man.” 

 

Damn him. She should’ve known he couldn’t be trusted. “Yes, I did.” 

 

“A good man?” 

 

“A very good man. The best man I’ve ever known.” Okay, so he was tied with her father, but that was probably too much information for now. 

 

“Who?” the Doctor asked.

 

“It's a long story, Doctor, can't be told. It has to be lived. No sneak previews.” She paused, remembering the spoiler both the Doctor and her mother had given her. “Well, except for this one: you'll see me again quite soon, when the Pandorica opens.” 

 

“The Pandorica, ha!” The Doctor bent forward to whisper in her ear. “That’s a fairy tale.” 

 

River laughed delightedly. “Oh, Doctor. Aren’t we all? I’ll see you there.”

 

“I look forward to it,” the Doctor said, and River could see that he actually did. How about that. Maybe he really did fall for her much earlier than she’d ever imagined.

 

The Doctor chuckled and walked away, and Amy came over. “Bye, River.” 

 

River smiled. “See you, Amy.” Her handcuffs beeped. “Oh, I think that’s my ride.” 

 

“Can I trust you, River Song?” the Doctor asked.

 

What a loaded question. “If you like, but where’s the fun in that?” She laughed as the teleport beamed her away. 

 

She found herself in her cell in the ship--clever, weren’t they? Exhausted, she collapsed on her bed. So many dead clerics, the loss of Father Octavian, a Doctor who barely knew her, and an Amy who didn’t know her at all. 

 

Plus, she’d very nearly  _ lost _ her mother to that bloody Angel. It had been terrifying, knowing on one hand that Amy hadn’t died there but also aware of the fact that time was always being rewritten. What if she unknowingly made the wrong choice and ended up changing things so that Amy  _ did  _ die there?

 

Suddenly River knew what she wanted to do. She rummaged through her bag and found the vortex manipulator she’d hidden there. She didn’t care that it made her feel like a little girl; she was going to Leadworth. 

 

River Song wanted her mother. 


	16. Chapter Sixteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of Pond family fluff before we enter that land of angst, tragedy, and heartbreak known as "Series 7." ;) Hope you enjoy!

Chapter Sixteen

 

River found Amy sitting outside, waiting with a bottle of wine and two glasses. “Heard there was a freak meteor shower two miles away. So I got us a bottle.”

 

Ah, lovely. Not only was this Amy used to visits from her daughter, she’d done enough of them to recognize the signs and get the wine ready. “Thank you, dear.” River poured herself a glass.

 

“So where are we?” Amy asked.

 

“I just climbed out of the Byzantium. You were there. So young”--she sat down--”didn't have a clue who I was. You're funny like that.” She played it off as a laugh--she couldn’t reveal too much yet. “Where are you?”  _ Please be far enough along to realize what I need right now… _

 

“The Doctor’s dead,” Amy said flatly and sipped her wine. 

 

Well, that changed everything. River no longer cared about seeking comfort from her mother; she’d give comfort instead. “How are you doing?”

 

Amy grimaced. “How do you think?” 

 

It was Amy’s tone of voice that tipped River off; more than just the Doctor’s death was bothering the redhead. “Well, I don’t know unless you tell me,” River said, hoping her mother would confide in her what the real issue was. 

 

Thankfully, Amy obliged. “I killed someone. Madame Kovarian, in cold blood.”

 

“In an aborted timeline, in a world that never was,” River reminded her.

 

“Yeah, well, I can remember it, so it happened, so I did it. What does that make me now? I need to talk to the Doctor, but I can't now, can I?”

 

River set down her glass, wondering if this was the “right time” the Doctor had mentioned. “If you could talk to him, would it make a difference?”

 

“But he's dead, so I can't,” Amy said. 

 

Well, that screamed “right time” to her, so River went with it. “Oh, Mother, of course he isn’t.” She put a hand on Amy’s leg. 

 

Amy smiled slightly. “Not for you, I suppose, you're seeing the younger versions of him, running around, having adventures.”

 

“Yeah, I am...but that's not what I mean,” River said. And she told her mother the Doctor’s secret. 

 

Amy was still squealing with delight a few minutes later when Rory arrived home. And of course, being Rory, he asked if River was sure. River laughed in delight. “Of course I'm sure. I'm his wife!”

 

That killed Amy’s elation rather quickly. “And I’m his...mother-in-law.” She looked a bit ill.

 

River smirked at her father. “Father dear, I think Mummy might need another drink.”

  
###

 

The three of them sat up for hours, talking over wine. They finished the first bottle and started a second. Amy and Rory were settling into “real life” somewhat, the Doctor having dropped them off after a rather harrowing experience in a hotel. Rory was back to nursing, but Amy had taken on a new career, spearheading a campaign for a perfume.

 

"Obviously I can't be a kissogram anymore, old married woman like me." Amy smirked. "So I took up modeling. And somewhere in there I learned that I was pretty decent at writing too. And I wrote this whole advertising campaign for our perfume--wait, spoilers, have you done that yet? Petrichor?"

 

River blinked. "Petrichor? Uh, no, I don't think so."

 

"Oh. Well. Sorry. But I don't think it hurts to tell you. Petrichor is a perfume. You and your big human plus brain came up with the formula, and I created all the adverts. And it's been brilliant. Rory and I took half the profits and put them in an account for you. I know that when you become a professor like the Doctor spoiled you, you're living in the future. By that time, the account should have become quite flush, yeah?" Amy beamed with pride.

 

"Oh, Mother. You didn't have to do that."

 

"Rubbish. All parents want to provide for their kids. We just have a weird opportunity to do it on a bigger scale. I know it doesn't make up for all the times we weren't there for you. But at least it’s something."

 

"Oh, stop it. You've always been there for me,” River assured her. 

 

They talked some more, then Amy started urging River to stay the night. 

 

“We can go shopping tomorrow!” she said happily. 

 

Only Amy didn’t want to shop local. “You have the vortex manipulator--take me somewhere fabulous! I want to see an intergalactic shopping mall with my daughter!”

 

“But you hated vortex travel--it made you sick,” River said.

 

“You got used to it,” Amy said. “No reason I can’t as well. Please, River. Let’s have a fun mother-daughter bonding day. I bet you know where all the coolest stuff and the best bargains are. If nothing else, take me to your favorite shoe store!”

 

River giggled. She had to admit it sounded fun--the Pond girls out in the worlds, painting the universe red. And she  _ did  _ know of a few places her mother would love. “Okay, sure.”

 

Rory dropped his head. “Are we gonna need a bank loan to finance this? How do you even get proper currency in space? I’ve never been clear on that traveling with the Doctor. He just psychic papers everything.”

 

“The exchange isn’t easy,” River admitted. “Interplanetary is doable, but trying to exchange money from a whole different time period gets tricky. Why don’t you just let me pay for it? Far simpler that way.”

  
“No, that isn’t how it’s supposed to work,” Amy protested. “I’m your mum--I’m supposed to be the one buying!”

 

“Fine. Give me the amount you want to spend, and I’ll be back in five minutes with what we need,” River said.

 

“Vortex travel while inebriated isn’t an issue?” Rory asked.

 

Anyone else asking that question would have annoyed her, but River knew Rory only asked out of genuine concern. “I’m not even tipsy, Dad. Human plus metabolism works a bit differently.” She smiled softly. “I faked being drunker than I was a few times as Mels.”

 

“Of course you did,” Rory muttered. He handed her a stack of notes. “All right then. See you in five.”

 

She returned two minutes early. “Okay. We’re all set.”

 

Amy clapped her hands and squealed. “This will be so much  _ fun! _ ”

 

And it was. River took them to several of her favorite places, and they giggled like schoolgirls as they explored various shops. 

 

They even visited the Planet of the Coffee Shops. Amy agreed that the hyper-caf blend was outstanding.

 

In one street market on Padan Aram, River stopped at a stall. “This spice compound is fantastic,” she told her mother. “I hope I included it in your perfume?” 

 

Amy sniffed. “Yeah, yeah, you did. I think it ended up being your base?” 

 

“Good for me!” River beamed. She bought a fair amount of the spice. 

 

And of course, because this was just how things worked in her crazy life, River found all the ingredients she needed to build an outstanding perfume for her parents on their multi-planet shopping spree. 

 

Amy found the whole thing hilarious. “Good thing I spoiled you! You’d never have known otherwise to get all this stuff and take it back to us for the perfume.” 

 

“What in the world made you want create a perfume anyway? I mean, the modeling makes perfect sense. And I’m glad that you enjoy the writing aspect. But actually  _ creating _ a perfume?”

 

Amy shrugged. “It just kind of happened. I was modeling for this other fragrance, but it was horrible. Stuff just reeked--you wouldn’t believe. And I made an offhand comment that I could do better. And you said prove it. And then you helped me prove it.” 

 

River laughed. “I’ll take all this back to Stormcage and work out the formula. When should I bring you the finished product?”

 

“Let’s see.” Amy thought for a moment. “I think I picked up my first modeling job about a month after the Doctor dropped us off. The perfume job came about two months after that. You visited about a week into the campaign and gave me your dare. Then about a week after that you came back with samples for us to choose from. We picked one and launched Petrichor. So...seven months ago, I think?”

 

“Okay, I can make all that work,” River said. 

 

“Good. Oh, you said you were going back to Stormcage--did you not get your pardon after all?” 

 

River shrugged. “Don’t know yet. I vortexed here from my cell on the prison ship. I’ll just zap myself back there a few seconds after I left. They’ll never know.”

 

“Tell us as soon as you know something,” Amy said. “I want you out of that place. You didn’t kill anyone. And even when I thought you had done, I knew it wasn’t your fault.” 

 

“You’ll be the first to know,” River promised. 

 

### 

 

They arrived back in Leadworth about the time Rory was waking up from a nap. He hugged and kissed them both and asked if they were hungry. “Actually we brought you dinner,” River said. 

 

Rory eyed the meal suspiciously, but he’d traveled enough with the Doctor that he just shrugged and tucked in. “Thanks.” 

 

Tired from their late night the previous evening and from a day jetting around the universe, Amy ended up going to bed early. She made River promise not to leave without saying good-bye, then headed off to her room. River sat with her father while he ate. “Today was good for her. I think she’ll be all right now,” she told him.

 

“Good,” he said. “Although to be honest, I don’t understand the guilt. If I had the opportunity to kill Kovarian, I think I’d do it in a heartbeat and not feel a moment’s remorse. I kind of wish now I’d done so at Demon’s Run. My only regret with this is that it was an aborted timeline and so the woman isn’t actually dead. Don’t know what that makes me.” He sighed. “I do hate that Amy’s felt so bad about it though.”

 

“I think,” River said slowly, “that it makes both of you human, and good people, and wonderful parents.”

 

Rory smiled. "Thanks." He ate in silence for a few moments then suddenly blurted, "We're talking about trying again."

 

River raised an eyebrow. "To be parents?"

 

"Yeah. Seems like a good time, now that we're settling in here a bit and all. I mean, you know we love you, but...we thought we might like to try it properly."

 

River placed a hand on his arm. "I never expected to be your only child, Dad." She winked. "Just your favorite." 

 

He chuckled. 

 

River leaned forward to kiss his cheek. “Listen, I really need to get back to that prison ship. Even if I earn a pardon, they might revoke if I’m not in my cell.”

 

“Right. Don’t want that. Remember to pop in and say good-bye to your mum before you go.”

 

River nodded and headed to her mother’s room. 

 

The visit hadn’t been quite what she’d expected, but it had been exactly what she’d needed.

 

River materialized in her cell aboard the prison vessel just as a guard rounded the corner to check on her. Hurriedly she shoved her vortex manipulator back in the bag. 

 

“Dr. Song, they’re ready for your report,” the guard said. 

 

Silently, River followed him out the door and down the corridor. Time to find out about that pardon. 


	17. Chapter Seventeen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A million, million apologies for the long wait. Real life is a PITA. And...ugh. THIS CHAPTER. So hard to write. I'm still not happy with it, but I decided done was better than perfect. 
> 
> Any errors are mine and mine alone.

Chapter Seventeen

 

Really, she ought to stop thinking  anything in her life would go the way she expected. 

 

River got a pardon, all right. But not from the Byzantium mission or any of the other work she’d done on behalf of the Church. 

 

She gave her report to the superiors on the prison ship. They agreed to pass along their evaluation of the mission’s success to the governing board at Stormcage. When River appeared before the board at the facility, she expected the verdict. 

 

Instead she was met with utter confusion and quite a bit of embarrassment. 

 

Finally, a woman spoke. “Dr. Song. We’re not certain how such a grievous error could have been made, and we have no way to make up for the years you’ve lost here. But please accept our sincerest apologies for your incarceration.”

 

“I beg your pardon?” What on earth was the woman on about? Pardons didn’t usually come with apologies, did they? Weren’t they supposed to warn her to stay out of trouble from here on out instead? And what was this “grievous error?"

 

“No, Dr. Song, we beg yours. You seem to have served a great deal of time here for killing a man who doesn’t actually exist.” 

 

River almost had a full on panic attack. Had the idiot fallen into one of those bloody cracks and erased himself from time? She’d kill him. For real. And serve however many life sentences they wanted. 

 

But they’d closed the cracks.  _ Surely  _ something else was going on here. 

 

She’d have to figure it out once she was rid of this place once and for all. 

 

For the moment, she stood silently and waited for paperwork to be processed. The board assured her that all records would indicate that she’d been incarcerated unjustly and pardoned in full. She should have no trouble finding employment. 

 

She could do real archaeology work.

 

She could become a professor like the Doctor had spoiled her. 

 

The possibilities were endless.

 

###

 

River Song walked out of Stormcage Containment Facility a free woman for the first time in more years than she cared to think about. She’d kind of hoped the Doctor would be there waiting on her, maybe with her parents in tow. 

 

No such luck.  

 

Well, she’d just go visit her parents and tell them the news in person. Then she could figure out how to get a message to the Doctor. They could all celebrate together.

 

But again, nothing _ ever  _ went the way she expected. 

 

She materialized in her parents’ house, and no one was home. She wandered around a bit and noticed that the photo display wasn’t there--apparently it hadn’t been created yet. She remembered that it hadn’t been there her previous visit either. Idly she wondered when her mother had put it together and why. Maybe when she and Rory had another baby? That probably made the most sense.

 

She settled on the sofa and turned on the television to kill time until her parents got home.

 

She didn’t have to wait long.

 

Amy walked in the door. "Oh. River. Hi." Her voice held no expression--and no warmth.

 

River wondered what was wrong but didn't press. "Hi, Mother. Where's Dad?"

 

Amy shrugged. "I don't know. Don't really care. Not here."

 

"Is he pulling double shifts again?"

 

"Possibly. Probably. Why don't you ask him? And leave me alone."

 

" Mum? "

 

"He's not here, River. He's not gonna be here. He's gone, and the papers will be done soon, and then we won't be married anymore. And since you've always been such a daddy's girl, you can go commiserate with him and leave me the hell alone."

 

River's eyes widened in shock. "You're getting divorced? Why?"

 

"That's absolutely none of your business. It just didn't work out. It happens."

 

"Not with you and Dad!"

 

Amy rolled her eyes. "Yes, it does. It _did_. Now go cry about it with your father and get out of here. I don't want to see you right now."

 

River sat in stunned silence for a moment before quietly getting up to go do her mother’s bidding. 

 

She’d look for Rory. He’d help her straighten this out, surely.

 

River found her father staying with Jeff. Of all people. Stupid Jeff.

 

Rory wasn’t any more pleased to see her than Amy had been. 

 

"Go away, River. You're one of the last people on earth I want to talk to right now. I know you'll side with Amy--you always have done."

 

River ignored the hurt that sliced through her. "I don't even know what's happened! And why are you here? Of all places? You know Brian would've let you stay with him."

 

Rory stared at the sky. "Yeah. I know. But Dad adores Amy; you know that. And as much as I hate her right now, I love her too much to let  _ him _ hate her." He huffed. "Even my own dad would probably take her side in this. I'm  _ that  _ pathetic."  

 

"Dad, please, if we could just talk about this, I'm sure we could sort it all out..."

 

"River, I'm really not in the mood to talk about anything to do with 'this' right now. And I'm not in the mood to talk to you. So if you could just  _ go _ , that'd actually be great, yeah? Just leave me alone."

 

River went. What else could she do?

 

She ended up at Luna. It was the only other place (other than the TARDIS) she’d ever thought of as home. And since her parents didn’t want her and she didn’t know what was going on with the Doctor, it seemed the best option.

 

She became a professor. And tried to figure out what the hell had happened. 

 

There were only two things in the universe that River had always been 100% sure of.

 

The first was that in any timeline, any reality, any universe, Amy Pond and Rory Williams loved each other--beyond reason or sanity. They just  _ did . _

 

The second was that they always had her back--whether they knew who she was or not.

 

River had been entirely convinced of these two truths.

 

And now Amy had kicked Rory out? She wanted a divorce? Rory was preparing paperwork? Neither of them would even  _ talk _ to River? 

 

This wasn't right. The universe didn't exist where this could be right.

 

River had always avoided spoilers regarding her parents’ future. Far too dangerous to go poking around there. 

 

But now she was tempted. Just a quick peek to see if the divorce went through, or if maybe there would be a reconciliation and remarriage somewhere down the line. 

 

Because surely this could be fixed. Would be fixed.  _ Had  _ been fixed. Because Arthur and Jessica Williams had been in their sixties and very much together in the 1970s. And they'd deliberately sought her out in 1969.

 

_ Time can be rewritten _ , mocked Madame Kovarian’s voice in her head. 

 

River didn’t even want to think about that. 

 

###

 

Eventually River decided to risk a call to her parents. Picking up her Doctored phone, she set it for a few days past her visit and tried Amy first. 

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Mother, it’s me.”

 

There was a pause, then a sigh. “What do you want, River?” 

 

_ To fix this . _ “I just wanted to see how you and Dad were doing.”

 

“We’re  _ divorcing _ , River. That’s how we’re doing. Rory’s supposed to be bringing the forms any day now.” 

 

“Are you okay? Want me to come console you with a bottle of 51st century wine?”

 

A longer pause. Then, “Don’t bother. I’m fine.” Amy ended the call.

 

Well, that went well, didn’t it? Amy always did like to pretend nothing bothered her. River would try Rory. He at least was honest about his emotions. Maybe he’d be open to her comfort now.

 

Or not.

 

“River, I thought I told you I didn’t want to talk about this,” Rory huffed over the line.

 

“You don’t have to talk. Just let me be there for you. We’ll watch telly and eat crisps. I’ll make you tea.”

 

“Yeah, I don’t need your pity, thanks. I got enough of it when we were kids. You always knew I wasn’t enough for Amy. We both knew it.” 

 

"No, I told you at that dance that Amy was an idiot to be chasing after Jeff!" 

 

"Yeah, whatever. You know you'd spent years before that leaving me in closets by myself and laughing with her about how pathetic I was."

 

Never once in the history of their relationship had Rory ever held those years against her. The Doctor had said she was always and completely forgiven, but Rory had  _ shown _ what that looked like long before. 

 

So to hear it brought up now, to be reminded of just how awful she'd been to him back then...the bitterness in his voice nearly undid her. 

 

She was the one to end this phone call. 

 

###

 

River finally managed to get a message to the Doctor. 

 

Only it was the wrong Doctor. 

 

She'd planned a picnic at Asgard to celebrate her release from prison and her new position as professor...and to find out how he’d managed to cease existing.

 

The Doctor who showed up was so bloody young she couldn't even tell him about her stint at Stormcage. And he sure wouldn’t know where his next self had disappeared to. So she just said she was celebrating a promotion. He smiled and raised his glass in a toast. And apparently this incarnation actually drank wine. And here she’d been looking forward to the face he’d make when he spit it out.

 

He was awfully pretty. She especially liked his hair. And he was a savvier dresser than her Doctor. 

 

But she missed her gangly sweetie--bow tie, wine spewing, and all. 

 

Still, she smiled and chatted and flirted. He didn’t really flirt back, didn’t know the lingo of their banter yet, but he was amiable enough. She watched as he ate his fish fingers and ate his custard without ever thinking of combining the two. 

 

She hadn’t thought she'd ever miss that obnoxious duo.

 

This Doctor seemed hesitant around her, but he did know her so she still hadn't done his first time meeting her. That was good to know--there was still more to come. 

 

Something positive to cling to--she needed something positive about now. 

 

Finally her picnic basket was empty. They talked for a few more minutes, but in the end neither knew the other well enough to carry on any sort of real conversation. With no imminent danger looming, it seemed pointless to hang around and be awkward. The Doctor sauntered off to his TARDIS, calling an indifferent “See you around, Professor Song,” over his shoulder. 

 

Sighing, River returned to Luna. 

 

She made friends and settled into teaching and led a couple of expeditions. She wrote articles for journals and even a couple of books. She was the darling of 51st century archaeological world. 

 

She was proud of herself and her accomplishments. But she missed her husband and her parents. 

 

She was in her office at Luna one day, preparing for her next lecture, when her communicator buzzed. She glanced at it and almost dropped it when she recognized Amy’s cell phone number. Hesitantly, she answered. 

 

“River?” Amy sounded tearful. “Oh, thank God! I was afraid you wouldn’t answer when you saw it was me. Could you...could you come visit, please?” 

 

River closed her eyes and swallowed hard. “Okay. When?” 

 

Amy gave her a date. Neither of them had any idea what to say after that, so they just awkwardly ended the call. 

 

River sat for a long time. Did the call mean that things were okay now? Or was the divorce perhaps final and Amy was now ready for River to come console her? 

 

  
At least that meant she was talking to her again. River would take what she could get.

 

So she arrived in Leadworth. To her immense relief, her parents were together. 

 

They looked awfully nervous. Did they have bad news for her? Did they want to tell her that it was over and she needn’t visit anymore? 

 

No, that didn’t actually make sense. They wouldn’t go to the trouble of having her visit just to tell her not to visit. 

 

She followed them inside the house. Rory made tea, then River sat between them on the settee. She held herself stiffly, feeling uncomfortable. Usually she would've curled up against Rory's side or laid her head on Amy's shoulder. She'd never once felt awkward around the two of them...until now.

 

They sat in uneasy silence for a long moment, then Amy spoke. "Thanks for coming, River. We just wanted...well, we wanted to apologize to you."

 

River stared at the floor. "It's all right."

 

"No. It isn't. It wasn't right, and we know it," Rory said.

 

Amy took River's hand, clutching it tightly. "We were just in such a bad place ourselves. We were hurting too much, and we couldn't cope with it. And I'm sorry you ended up being collateral damage in all that." She started to cry.

 

River squeezed her mother's hand. "It's okay. And...you two are okay now? It's all sorted?"

 

Amy met Rory's eyes over River's head. "Yeah. We're okay now."

 

"Yeah." Rory's voice was gruff.

 

River finally relaxed, sagging against the sofa.  _ It was over _ .  "So...what happened? If you don't mind my asking?"

 

"It sounds so stupid now," Amy muttered. "It made such perfect sense at the time. I thought...well, you’re Mels, you know. You  _ know _ Rory's always wanted kids!"

 

"Sure. He's great with them."

 

"Right. And when we found out we weren't getting you back...that was hard. It was  _ really  _ hard. But you're Mels and you're you, and we have a relationship, so we got to a place where we kind of accepted it. And we thought we'd have other kids--kids we could actually raise properly. Not to replace you, but--oh, you know what I mean."

 

"I know what you mean," River agreed quietly.

 

"But I...can't. I can't have any more children, River. We tried, and nothing happened, so I went to a doctor and had tests done. And they did something to me at Demon's Run. I  _ can't _ _._ "

 

"I'm sorry, Mother."

 

"I don't blame you, River. I know it seems like I do, given how we treated you, but I don't. But it  hurt  so much. And I thought...I thought that if I couldn't give Rory children, I could give him to someone who could. So I kicked him out, got him angry enough to start the divorce proceedings. I figured he'd find someone else and become the amazing father you and I both know he'd be."

 

Rory rolled his eyes. "As if I wanted children more than I wanted you, you daft woman."

 

"Since we were kids, Rory! You've always talked about kids! Mels, tell him."

 

"Yes,  _ Mels _ , tell her," Rory cut in. "What else have I wanted since we were kids? Or rather,  _ who _ else?"

 

"He's got a point, Mother. He followed you around like a lost puppy for years, waiting for you to notice him. You've always been it for him."

 

"Exactly," Rory said. He leaned over River to look into Amy's eyes. "I love  _ you , _ Amelia Williams. Children or no children.”

 

Amy cried harder. "I know. I'm sorry." 

 

Rory sat back, wrapping an arm around River. “Anyway, we are both really sorry for how we treated you in all that. I know you were hurting too, and you ended up hurting alone. That isn’t how it’s supposed to work.”

 

River laughed hollowly at that. That was how her life had  always worked. 

 

But Rory didn’t need to know that. Recent events excluded, he’d always done his best to be there for her, even as a kid half her size. He didn’t deserve any added guilt. “It’s fine, Dad. Really. I’m okay. I’m just glad you two are all right now.”

 

Amy hugged her tightly, almost painfully so. “You’re such a good girl,” she mumbled in River’s hair. 

 

River buried her face in Amy’s shoulder. Just for a minute, she could be a little girl seeking comfort from her mother. 

 

And apparently it helped Amy to give that comfort. She began stroking River’s head, sniffling back more tears. 

 

Rory’s arms came around them both, and they just sat huddled like that for a long time.

 


	18. Chapter Eighteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So this chapter wasn't even in my outline for this story. The Angels Take Manhattan was supposed to follow the previous chapter.
> 
> But the news that Big Finish Audio was releasing a River/Eighth Doctor story broke, and I couldn't resist. Then I decided to address the fact that River asked Ten about the Byzantium, when she knew full well she'd done that with Eleven (I know the real world explanation for that gaffe-I just wanted an in-universe explanation as well. The Curator's line in The Day of the Doctor served nicely).
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy. The next chapter WILL be The Angels Take Manhattan, so laugh and smile while you can. :-p
> 
> I own nothing as far as Doctor Who. But this chapter is un-beta'd, so a thousand apologies for any errors you find. They are definitely my own.

River stayed with her parents overnight. She awoke the next morning to find her mother putting together the photo display she remembered from her visit right after Demon's Run. Amy beamed. "What do you think?"

River studied it. So far it only had the one baby picture Amy had managed to get of Melody and the photos of her as Mels. She could see a couple of pictures from her current incarnation waiting to be added. "You know you don't have to do this."

"Oh, shut up. I _want_ to. Let a proud mum show off her fabulous daughter."

But looking at the pictures and thinking over the past few months, River felt like she needed to get something out. "Mother, I know you loved baby Melody. And I'm sorry you never got her back. I'm sorry I wouldn't let the Doctor rewrite that for you. I'm sorry that I still won't, even now. And I know you loved Mels-I had a great childhood growing up with you. If-with everything that's happened-if you don't love this me or can't cope with the pain of all that you lost, it's fine. _I'll_ be fine. Don't-don't feel like you need to pretend or anything."

" _Shut up._ " Amy's voice took on a fierceness that River thankfully had heard only a few times. "You listen to me, Melody Pond. I know we've been rubbish parents lately. I can't tell you how sorry for that I am. But we _are_ still your parents. And we love you, you big numpty." Her face softened, and she kissed River's cheek. "I told you I wasn't trying to replace you, having another baby. I actually had this vision of you visiting and being the coolest aunt that ever was. Just like I thought you'd be as Mels. But I went a bit off my trolley when it didn't happen that way."

"And I went a little mad too." Rory had apparently entered the room at some point. He wrapped an arm around River. "I didn't know or understand what was going on in Amy's head-we'd have probably fixed it all a whole lot faster if I'd known. I was angry and bitter and hurt, and it wasn't fair the way I took it out on you. I'm sorry. I swore I'd never hurt you again after Demon's Run, and I ended up doing it on a bigger scale the second time."

"We told you a long time ago you were stuck with us," Amy said. "You still are."

River laughed softly, the tightness in her chest finally easing. "Guess that means you're still stuck with me too then."

Rory kissed the top of her head. "And we still wouldn't have it any other way."

###

River had no idea when the Doctor met her for the first time.

However, she was pretty sure it wasn't while he was his Byronic Eighth self. That seemed much too early.

But she couldn't ignore a Doctor who needed help. So she just tried to be very careful and help from afar. As long as he didn't actually _notice_ her...

It went about as well as one might expect.

So she just did her best to undo the damage and move on quickly.

Still, it made for a fun adventure. A bit of distraction from the fact that she had no idea what was up with her husband.

She'd finally found something of a data trail though. The Doctor apparently hadn't been deleted all at once. She could follow a path of sorts through various databases, places where he'd been and then just disappeared.

It wasn't easy, this sort of investigative time travel, and her progress was slow. But she hoped to work her way to the starting point eventually and then find her beloved idiot.

She was chasing a data thread on a small outpost in the Sunflower Galaxy when the pretty boy Doctor showed up.

After the awkwardness of their Asgard picnic, she wasn't expecting his face to light up with delight at the sight of her. But it did. He positively _beamed_ at her. "River!"

"Hello, sweetie."

And suddenly she found herself pressed against the wall being rather thoroughly snogged.

What the actual hell? He was _way_ too young for this!

Oh, whatever. She'd sort it all out later. For now she just buried her hands in his hair and kissed him back. She gave a throaty moan as his hands skimmed along her ribcage.

Finally they came up for air. "Well, well, my love, aren't you the Casanova? Where _are_ we then?"

He chuckled. "Not even remotely close to where you think, dearest."

"What do you mean?"

He cupped her face and leaned closer. " _Look_ at me, River. _Really_ look."

She did. And oh…"You aren't the one I had the picnic with."

"No. That was centuries ago for me. Not to mention quite a few regenerations." He shrugged. "I was told once that I might start revisiting old faces. And so I am." Under his breath, she thought she heard him mutter, "In more ways than one."

Centuries older. She studied him closely. He looked so much like his Tenth self. His face appeared a bit older, maybe. But his eyes...oh, his age definitely showed in his eyes. He was beyond ancient now.

Something else showed too. "Centuries. So I'm guessing I've been gone for a long time then."

People say time heals all wounds, but pain flashed across his face like it had been only yesterday. "Yes."

"Well, then." She tucked her arm through his. "I won't be jealous of whomever you've moved on with-and Doctor, you'd _better_ have moved on by now-and you don't look at me like you're seeing a ghost, hmm?"

He chuckled and kissed her again, quickly this time. "Fair enough, dear." He glanced at the console where she worked. "What are you doing here anyway?"

River eyed him curiously. Would he allow her a shortcut? Only one way to find out. "Well, I'm trying to track down my husband. It seems he's fallen out of the universe's records somehow. I'd like to know how."

The Doctor laughed outright. "Oh, that. It didn't even last all that long. I managed to delete myself from every archive, and I thought I'd lie low and not draw attention to myself. You can guess how long I managed _that_."

"Mm. About ten minutes then?"

"Sounds about right. Don't worry about it, River. I'm fine, and your poor schmuck of a husband is fine too. He'll find you soon. Or you'll find him. Or something. You still have lots to come, my darling Professor Song."

"How exciting! I'll be looking forward to it." She frowned as that flicker of pain skittered across his face again. "I'd say that I'm sorry it's over for you, but you don't really know that it is, do you? You didn't expect to find me here today."

"No, that's true. I've seen you several times and places I didn't expect over the years. And River, I want you to know-even if this is it, if this is my last meeting-it was _worth_ it. Don't let my younger self, with all his anger and fear and general stupidity, fool you. It was all very much worth it."

"Thank you, honey. I know you don't like endings, and I haven't done ours yet. But it's been worth it for me as well. I wouldn't rewrite a single line."

"No, I wouldn't want you to. And I must admit it's great fun seeing you popping up in these random places long after I think we're done. And it's _especially_ great fun to shock you out of your skin with a good snog."

"Well, really, Doctor, do you _remember_ how you acted on that picnic? Can you blame me for being a bit surprised?"

He grinned. "Not a bit. Still fun though."

"Well, other than you snogging me silly, how am I supposed to know which you I'm getting? This you or your younger incarnation?"

"I don't think you'll have any trouble, River. I'm such a dunce around you in those early days. But if you need a hint, just ask about the Byzantium. If a me with this face has _any_ idea what you're talking about, you'll know it's an older me."

"Ah, good idea. I'll remember to do that."

"Mm, yes, you will. But really, dear, I don't think _this_ me is ever going to be able to resist snogging you absolutely senseless. Well, except for that time I had to pretend I didn't know you. The Judoon-well, spoilers."

River rolled her eyes and laughed. "You always did love that word."

"Not half as much as you do, honey. Not even close."


	19. Chapter Nineteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Angels Take Manhattan. 'Nuff said.
> 
> I own nothing except my own stupid typos.

Chapter Nineteen

 

She’d been in old New York for days, studying the statues. The results were terrifying. It seemed not a single one was simply a statue. Every last one had been taken over by a Weeping Angel. 

 

What the hell was she supposed to do with that? 

 

She needed the Doctor, but she already knew he’d never get here with the TARDIS. She’d barely made it through with the vortex manipulator. 

 

Could she find him and convince him to tag along with her mode of travel? Just this once? 

 

She pondered this for a moment but never had the chance to finish forming a plan. She caught a glimpse of a skinny guy meandering down the street. From the back it looked like...no, it couldn’t possibly be…

 

She followed him. Within a short distance, she knew it definitely was him, no matter how impossible that seemed. But it took two blocks of trailing after him before he turned around and saw her. 

 

“‘I just went to get coffees for the Doctor and Amy,” he said. “Hello, River.”

 

“Hello, Dad.” 

 

“Where am I? How the hell did I get here?” 

 

Darn, she’d hoped he would know the answer to that one. “I haven't the faintest idea. But you'll probably want to put your hands up.”

 

Rory spun around and dropped the coffees to do as she said when he saw the man with the gun. 

 

Another man appeared. “Melody Malone?”

 

“ _ You’re _ Melody?” Really, Rory sounded  _ far _ too shocked. He knew she was Melody! Not Melody Malone, obviously, but did he expect her to use her  real name in these situations? 

 

They got in the car that pulled up. River figured the first order of business was to figure out just how her dad had shown up here. “You didn't come here in the TARDIS, obviously.”

 

“Why?”

 

“You couldn't have. This city's full of time distortions. Be impossible to land the TARDIS here. Like trying to land a plane in a blizzard. Even I couldn't do it.”

 

“Well, how did you get here?” 

 

“Vortex manipulator.” She showed him her wrist. “Less bulky than a TARDIS. A motorbike through traffic.” No point in mentioning how bloody difficult it had been even with that. “You?” She suspected the answer, but she hoped like hell she was wrong.

 

Still, there weren’t too many other possibilities. 

 

Rory repeated that he wasn’t sure. River’s feeling of unease increased tenfold. 

 

The car kept moving, and Rory glanced at her. “By the way, if this ends up being when we see the Statue of Liberty together, I will  take that vortex manipulator and ground you for at least a month.”   
  


 

She stared him in mute surprise for a moment then huffed. “Dad, really. Do I  _ look  _ six to you?”

 

He chuckled. “Just checking, baby girl.”

 

The car entered a gated courtyard. River noted the Angels lining the rooftop of the house.

 

This looked worse all the time. Dammit, the Angel at the Byzantium had almost cost River her mother. She would  not  let one have her father.

 

River and Rory were escorted into the house. River noticed an early Qin Dynasty vase and commented.    
  


 

“Correct.” The voice came from the stairs. They looked over. “Are you an archaeologist as well as a detective?” the man continued.

 

She refrained from snorting. He didn’t know the half of it. 

 

“Early Qin, just as you say. You’re very well-informed.”

 

“And you’re very afraid. That's an awful lot of locks for one door.”

 

Rory was studying the vase. “River, I’m translating.” 

 

“It's a gift of the TARDIS. It hangs around.” She was surprised he hadn’t experienced it long before now, but she supposed he’d always been in range of the TARDIS previous times.

 

Grayle spoke to his men. “This one. Put him somewhere uncomfortable.”

 

Rory shrugged, looking resigned. River remained outwardly impassive, but she seethed inside. This horrid man wouldn’t have her father any more than the Angels.

 

Well, she’d figure it out later. Right now she needed to get down to business. She removed the trench coat. 

 

It might be just as well that Rory didn’t catch a glimpse of this dress, actually. 

 

She saw the word “yowzah” on a vase. “Hello, sweetie.” She turned to Grayle. “Let's see--crime boss with a collecting fetish. Whatever you don't want anyone else to see has got to be your favorite. Or possibly your girlfriend.” She pulled open the curtain and saw an Angel. And oh, it was hideous--poised to attack, but chained and manacled with a deformed face. “So. Girlfriend then.” She began typing into her vortex manipulator. 

 

“What are you doing?”

 

“Oh, you know. Texting a boy.” 

 

Grayle didn’t care enough to question further. “These things are all over, but people don't seem to notice. It never moves while you're looking.”

 

“Oh, I know how they work.” 

 

“So I understand. Melody Malone, the detective who investigates Angels”

 

She moved closer to the statue. “Badly damaged.”

 

Grayle spoke indifferently. “I wanted to know if it could feel pain.”

 

Could he be any more callous--or  _ stupid _ ? “You realize it's screaming? The others can hear. Is that why you need all the locks?”

 

Apparently Grayle didn’t like her taunting him. He killed the lights. When he turned them back on, the Angel had River’s wrist firmly in its grip. “You’re going to tell me about these creatures. And you’re going to do it fast.”

 

And he turned out the lights again.

 

###

 

Wrist caught in the vise-grip of stone, River said, “The Angels are predators. They're deadly. What do you want with them?”

 

“I'm a collector. What collector could resist these? I'm only human,” Grayle answered. 

 

He really was a fool. She wished she felt sorry for him, but she didn’t. Not even a little. “That's exactly what they're thinking.” 

 

The lights began to flicker, and the house shook. River heard the familiar wheeze. 

 

“What's that? What's happening? Is it an earthquake?” Grayle sounded panicked. 

 

River smiled. “Oh, you bad boy. You could burn New York.” 

 

“What does that  _ mean _ ?”

 

“It means, Mr. Grayle, just you wait 'til my husband gets home.” 

 

The TARDIS finally managed to land, and the force sent Grayle flying. Seeing his motionless body was rather satisfying. 

 

River heard her mother running up the stairs, yelling for Rory. The Doctor entered the study. “Sorry I'm late, honey. Traffic was hell.” He knelt to check on Grayle. “Shock. He’ll be fine.” 

 

“Not if I can get loose,” River said. No jury on earth would convict for killing that lout. 

 

The Doctor came up behind her. “So where are we now, Dr. Song? How's prison?”

 

Right, just rub in how long it had been since she’d seen him. She forced herself into banter mode. “Oh, I was pardoned ages ago. And it's Professor Song to you.”

 

“Pardoned?” Now why did he sound so shocked? He had to have known she’d be pardoned some day. He’d spoiled her about becoming a professor, after all.

 

“Mm. Turns out the person I killed never existed in the first place. Apparently, there's no record of him. It's almost as if someone's gone around, deleting himself from every database in the universe.”

 

The Doctor tapped her nose. “Mm, you said I'd got too big.” 

 

“And now no one's ever heard of you. Didn't you used to be somebody?” Oops, maybe she should dial down the bitterness. 

 

The Doctor didn’t seem to notice. “Weren't you the woman who killed the Doctor?” He used his sonic to scan the Angel. 

 

“Doctor who?” 

 

“Ha,” the Doctor said. He looked at the sonic. “She’s holding you very tight.”

 

River wanted to get on with the business of rescuing Rory. “At least she didn't send me back in time.”

 

“I doubt she's strong enough.”

 

“Well, I need a hand back. So which is it going to be, are you going to break my wrist or hers?” 

 

The Doctor just looked at her, and Amy came to stand in the doorway. “Oh, no. Really? Why do you have to break mine?”

 

“Because Amy read it in a book and now I have no choice.” The Doctor sounded disgusted. He turned to Amy. “You see?”

 

What was he on about? “Well, what book?”

 

The Doctor pulled a book from his pocket to show her. “Your book. Which you haven't written yet, so we can't read!” He sat down, very much in a sulk.

 

“I see.” She really didn’t. “I don’t like the cover much.” 

 

Amy interrupted. “But if River's going to write that book, she'd make it useful, yeah?”

 

Amy had always had so much faith in her. “Well, I'll certainly try. But we can't read ahead. It's too dangerous.” 

 

“I know, but there must be something we can look at,” Amy insisted.

 

“What, a page of handy hints, previews, spoiler-free?” The Doctor’s tone dripped sarcasm.

 

“Chapter titles,” Amy shot back. 

 

The Doctor snapped his fingers and opened to the table of contents. “He’s in the cellar.” 

 

Amy grabbed the sonic screwdriver and ran off. The Doctor gave River a quick kiss on the cheek before heading off to follow the ginger. He stopped abruptly at the door. 

 

“Doctor? Doctor, what is it? What's wrong? Tell me.” 

 

He didn’t answer--just kept staring at the page of chapter titles. What on earth had he seen there? “Okay, I know that face. Calm down! Calm down!”

 

“No!” the Doctor almost snarled as he threw the book on a chair. He stalked toward the door.

 

Okay, so it was bad. “Talk to me! Doctor!”

 

“No!” He came back over to her. “You get your wrist out. You get your wrist out without breaking it.” 

 

Was he insane? “How?” 

 

“I don't know. Just do it! Change the future!” He stormed out.

 

River stared at her wrist. Then she looked at the Angel. 

 

Okay, so the Doctor wanted her to change time somehow. Clearly something he wanted to prevent something he’d seen written in that book, and he wanted her to do it.

 

If only she knew how. 

 

She went over it from every angle, but there was no way to get away from the statue’s grasp without breaking a wrist. And without the Doctor’s help, she couldn’t break the Angel’s--she had no weapons or tools. Stupid, yes, but reality. 

 

But if she broke her own wrist, she wasn’t really changing anything, was she? That probably wouldn’t suit the Doctor’s purposes. 

 

But what if…   
  
The Doctor’s death at Lake Silencio had been a fixed point. But he’d tricked everyone, making them all believe he’d died when he really hadn’t. And that changed everything.

 

So maybe she could do something similar here. If she pretended like she  hadn’t broken her wrist, would that be enough to rewrite whatever it was that the Doctor had read?

 

It was worth a shot. And it was all she had. 

 

She licked her lips and drew a deep breath. All right, she could do this. Swallowing hard, she freed herself from the granite-like grasp.

 

It  _ hurt . _ It hurt like hell. River ground her teeth, swallowing her cries. She needed to get control of herself so she could pull this off. Okay, that’s better. She drew another steadying breath. She was ready now.

 

She sauntered into the other room, smile in place. And the look of utter delight on the Doctor’s face made it worth it. He was  _ thrilled _ .

 

This was going to work. 

 

And maybe it would have if she could’ve just kept the ruse going. But she wasn’t the Doctor. And she didn’t lie quite as well. He grabbed her hand, and she just didn’t manage to hold back her gasp.

 

And then his face fell, and she felt the loss of his approval like a punch to the gut.

 

“Why did you lie to me?” the Doctor asked. 

 

Really? He wanted to do this now? 

 

She wanted to lie, to make up an excuse of some sort that he would believe because he wanted to. But her wrist hurt, and her hearts hurt, and she was just so  tired of having to be the strong one all the time, of having to hold everything inside. And she couldn’t hold back the words. “When one's in love with an ageless god who insists on the face of a twelve-year-old, one does one's best to hide the damage.” 

 

“It must hurt. Come here.” He took her hand.

 

And now that she’d started, she couldn’t shut her mouth. “Yes. The wrist is pretty bad, too.” 

 

She held herself stiffly, trying rein it all back in and regain control. Maybe that was why she didn’t realize what he was doing until it was too late. 

 

But then she felt the bones reknitting, and she knew what he was up to. “No. No. No, stop that. Stop that! Stop it!” 

 

The bloody idiot. It was just a stupid wrist. It wasn’t like she hadn’t dealt with far worse over the years. It wasn’t even that bad.

 

Leave it to the Doctor to focus on the pain in her wrist rather than the other pain she’d mentioned. 

 

“There you are.” He kissed her hand. “How’s that?” 

 

“Well, let's see, shall we?” She slapped him. “That was a stupid waste of regeneration energy. Nothing is gained by you being a sentimental idiot!” 

 

“River!” he protested. 

 

“No!” If he wasn’t even going to  _ listen _ when she opened up about her emotional pain, albeit unintentionally, then there really wasn’t any point. “You embarrass me!” She stormed off.

 

Amy caught up to her by the car. “Okay, why did you lie?”

 

As if she didn’t lie just as much to Amy and Rory. She always had. But they didn’t want to see or acknowledge that. There were things her parents should never find out  about her childhood, and on some level they all knew that. 

 

Still, there was far more the Doctor was incapable of handling, and one thing he couldn’t cope with was losing those he loved. He was obviously terrified of losing Amy and Rory right now--Amy in particular. “Never let him see the damage.”

 

Amy put an arm around River’s shoulder. Clearly she didn’t quite believe River’s words. “Hey. Hey.”

 

River went on, “And never, ever, let him see you age. He doesn't like endings.”  _ Especially yours. _

 

“There you are!” The Doctor appeared. He’d found Rory.

 

Apparently the Angel had sent Rory to a place called Winter Quay. 

 

They found him rather quickly, and he and Amy hugged. Relief was palpable in the air. 

 

But there was an Angel smiling. Why was it smiling? 

 

The Doctor called for Amy and Rory. “Get out of here. Don't look at anything. Don't touch anything.”

 

But Amy had never followed instructions very well. She peeked into a room, and they found an old Rory lying in a bed. 

 

“Someone, please, tell me what is going on,” Rory begged after his older self died.

 

“I'm sorry, Rory, but you just died.” The Doctor sounded weary, resigned.

 

Was this what he’d wanted River to prevent? Her father dying in a bed in this awful place?

 

The Doctor explained the battery farm the Angels had created. River told him what she’d learned about every statue in the city being an Angel. “Yeah, the Angels take Manhattan because they can. Because they've never had a food source like this one, the city that never sleeps,” the Doctor said. 

 

They heard footsteps crash outside. “What was that?” Rory asked. 

 

“I don't know, but I think they're coming for you,” the Doctor said. 

 

Rory bit out his words in frustration. “What does that mean? What is going to happen to me? What is physically going to happen?”

 

The Doctor sat and rubbed his face. “The Angels will come for you. They'll zap you back in time, to this very spot, thirty, forty years ago, and you will live out the rest of your life in that room, until you die in that bed.” The crashing continued outside.

 

It sounded dreadful to River, but Rory had only one question. “And will Amy be there?”

 

“No.” The Doctor spoke sadly. 

 

“How do you know?” Amy demanded.

 

“Because he was so pleased to see you again.”

 

“Okay. Well, they haven't taken me yet.” Rory chuckled. “What if I just run? What if I just get the hell out of here? Then that never happens.”

 

“It's already happened, Rory. You've just witnessed your own future,” the Doctor insisted. 

 

But hadn’t the Doctor wanted to undo a future he’d seen in that book by having River not break her wrist? Wasn’t this the same idea? “Doctor, he's right.” The Doctor protested, but she insisted, “If Rory got out, it would create a paradox.”

 

“What is that?” Amy asked as the crashing outside grew louder.

 

“This is the Angels' food source. The paradox poisons the well. It could kill them all. This whole place would literally unhappen,” River continued.

 

“It would be almost impossible,” the Doctor said.

 

Like they didn’t do almost impossible things all the time, him especially. “Loving the almost.”

 

The Doctor stood up. “But to create a paradox like that takes almost unimaginable power. What have we got? Eh? Tell me. Come on, what?”

 

Amy walked over to her husband and grabbed his hand, her expression one of hardened determination. “I won't  _ let _ them take him.  _ That's _ what we got.”

 

River thought the Angels would do well to give up and run away now. 

 

The clamour outside increased. “Whatever that thing is, it’s getting closer,” Rory said. 

 

“Rory, even if you got out, you'd have to keep running for the rest of your life. They would be chasing you forever,” the Doctor argued.

 

“Well. Better get started then.” Amy opened the door to reveal an Angel. “Husband, run!” 

 

Amy and Rory took off together. “River, I’m not sure this can work,” the Doctor said.

 

She was getting a bit tired of his defeatist attitude. She had the feeling he’d care a whole lot more if it had been Amy in that room. “Husband, shut up.” They ran out of the room. River hoped never to see it again.

 

###

 

River and the Doctor made it to the roof in time to see Amy and Rory on the ledge. “What the hell are you doing?” the Doctor screamed. 

 

“Changing the future.” Amy touched Rory’s face. “It's called marriage.” They fell together. 

 

The Doctor raced to the roof’s edge, crying Amy’s name. In his panic, he never noticed the change happening all around them. “Doctor!” At that, he took River’s hand. “What’s happening?” she asked. 

 

“The paradox, it's working. The paradox is working!” Now he was exultant. 

 

Time seemed to explode all around them, and then they were in a graveyard in New York. No longer 1938, to be sure. River closed her eyes in a brief moment of relief. It was over. Her father wouldn’t die in that room, separate from her mother. Apparently the Last Centurion was more of a superhero than Melody Pond could ever be, because he’d fixed what she couldn’t. But she’d take it. Oh,  _ yes _ , she’d take it. 

 

She held a bucket as the Doctor wiped down the TARDIS. All was right in his world again, and he’d probably never remember her outburst on the stairs. Just as well. They were both safer if she kept the damage well-hidden. “It could do with a repaint,” she said, eyeing the TARDIS affectionately. 

 

“I’ve been busy,” the Doctor grumbled. 

 

She smirked at him. “Does the bulb on top need changing?” 

 

“Just changed it.” 

 

Rory and Amy wandered over. “Next time, can we just go to the pub?” 

 

“I want to go to the pub right now,” the Doctor said. “Are there video games there? I love video games.”

 

“Right, family outing, then.” That sounded so blissfully normal, River thought as she and the Doctor entered the TARDIS, Amy right behind them.

 

If only Rory hadn’t called Amy back out, River mused later. Maybe if he’d just come straight into the TARDIS with the rest of them, it would have all been fine.

 

She knew better though. Time could be rewritten...but not all of it. 

 

But Amy went to see what Rory was calling her about, and then they heard her scream. “Doctor!”

 

There was an Angel standing there. And Rory was gone. “Where the hell did that come from?” River wanted to know.

 

The Doctor scanned it. “It's a survivor. Very weak, but keep your eyes on it.” 

 

“Where’s Rory?” Amy asked. 

 

The Doctor noticed the Angel was pointing. And now they all saw the grave. Rory Arthur Williams. Aged 82. River wanted to sag to the ground and bawl, but she couldn’t. It was more important to help her mother right now. 

 

The Doctor was doing a rather poor job of it. “I’m sorry, Amelia. I’m so, so sorry.” 

 

Amy wasn’t going to hear any sorrys. “No. No, we can just go and get him in the TARDIS. One more paradox.” 

 

“Would rip New York apart and I--” the Doctor started to say. 

 

Amy Pond did not give up on her Rory that easily. “No, that's not true. I don't believe you.”

 

River intervened. “Mother, it’s true.” 

 

Amy walked toward the Angel. “That gravestone, Rory's, there's room for one more name, isn't there?” 

 

The Doctor headed toward the TARDIS, attempting to grab Amy’s hand. “What are you talking about? Back away from the Angel. Come back to the TARDIS! We'll figure something out!”

 

“The Angel, would it send me back to the same time, to him?” Amy wanted to know. 

 

“I don't know. Nobody knows!” The Doctor was well and truly frantic now. 

 

“But it’s my best shot, yeah?” 

 

And suddenly it all made perfect sense. River had always wondered why Amy and Rory had waited until they were in their sixties to go to 1970s New York and have those seven years with little Melody. She’d finally decided that they hadn't stopped traveling with the Doctor until then. She figured it also kept her from recognizing their younger selves and refusing to leave them. 

 

But no. It hadn’t been a conscious choice on their part. They’d gotten stuck in the 1930s and lived their lives out from there. 

 

It explained their emotions during that brief encounter in 1969.  “ _ We've just missed you. It's been awhile…” _

 

Yeah, thirty-plus years was quite awhile. 

 

And the Doctor wanted to talk Amy out of the whole thing. “No!” 

 

Well, it was far too late for that. He should know Amy belonged with Rory anyway--he was just being a selfish prat. “Doctor, shut up! Yes, yes, it is!” 

 

“Well, then, I just have to blink, right?” Amy clearly needed a moment to gather her courage.

 

The Doctor tried again to stop her. “No!” 

 

“It'll be fine. I know it will. I'll--I'll be with him, like I should be. Me and Rory, together. Melody--” Amy reached a hand back. 

 

The Doctor turned to River now. “Stop it! Just stop it!” 

 

But River knew what Amy needed, even if it wasn’t what the Timelord wanted. She took her mother’s hand, prepared to give whatever blessing Amy needed from her. 

 

Amy spoke through her tears. “You look after him. And you be a good girl, and you look after him.” 

 

River kissed her mother’s hand, agreeing to the request, giving her permission to leave. 

 

The Doctor knew it, and his pleas grew more desperate. “You are creating a fixed time. I will never be able to see you again.” 

 

“I’ll be fine. I’ll be with him.” 

 

The Doctor grew almost hysterical, his sobs tearing at River’s heart and no doubt Amy’s as well. “Amy, please. Just--come back into the TARDIS. Come on, Pond, _ please _ .” 

 

But Amy had made her choice long ago, and she would not stay in a world without Rory. Sobbing, she managed, “Raggedy man, goodbye!” She turned to face him and disappeared as the Angel took her too.

 

River supposed she should have known it would always be an Angel in the end. 

 

The Doctor fell apart completely, collapsing on the ground as he sobbed. The gravestone added the words, “And his loving wife, Amelia Williams, aged 87.” “No!” he screamed in anguish, doubling over. 

 

Even as she put an arm around him in an offer of comfort, River wondered if he would ever grieve her that much. 

 

###

 

River worked the TARDIS controls mechanically. She had shut down somewhat, stomping down her own grief at her sudden orphaned status so she could do her mother’s bidding and take care of the Doctor. Sometime later, when she was alone, she’d sob and rage and probably get drunk and maybe shoot something. Or several somethings. For now, she’d just bury it all deep inside and do what needed to be done. 

 

Melody Pond was a superhero. Superheroes didn’t break down. 

 

The Doctor finally spoke from his place on the stairs, his voice sounding wooden. “River. They were your parents. Sorry. I didn't even think.”

 

That was part of the problem, wasn’t it? He never thought. He probably wouldn’t start now. She kept her tone matter-of-fact. “It doesn’t matter.” 

 

“Of course it matters.” 

 

Sure. Until another wave of grief hit him. “What matters is this, Doctor: don't travel alone.” 

 

He gave her a trembling smile. “Travel with me then.” 

 

Ohh... such a tempting offer. No Stormcage waiting for her now. And this wasn’t some young Doctor who didn’t know her; this was her husband. They could be a normal married couple.

 

Well, a normal time-traveling alien married couple. It was all relative.

 

But she knew. River _ knew _ that the Doctor needed his companions. And she knew why. It was just as Donna Noble had said all those years ago; sometimes he needed someone to stop him.   


 

  
River could never be that someone. She barely stopped herself most of the time; she wasn’t capable of stopping him. The two of them together would be a dangerous combination indeed. It was likely that the universe wouldn’t survive it. “Whenever and wherever you want...but not all the time. One psychopath per TARDIS, don't you think?” She set the TARDIS into motion and turned to face him. “Okay, this book I've got to write, Melody Malone. I presume I send it to Amy to get it published?”

 

“Yes. Yes.” He sounded weary now, resigned. 

  
But River had reached a point where she needed at least a little of that alone time. She wasn’t going to be able to contain her own emotions for too much longer. “I'll tell her to write an afterword. For you. Maybe you'll listen to her.” She left the control room. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next two chapters will deal with the fallout and aftermath from this chapter. If you think something here should be addressed, well...maybe it will be. :)
> 
> I'd love to hear your thoughts. This was a tricky one to write!


	20. Chapter Twenty

 

_ "There are five stages of grief," _ Mr. Baker had said when Mels was in school. 

 

The Doctor was firmly encamped in anger. 

 

River's desire to shoot something grew stronger all the time, and she was rather afraid it would be him. 

 

He wouldn't leave the TARDIS. He barely left the console room. He sat there, with Amy's reading glasses and Amy's afterword and generally raged at the universe. 

 

Or at River. 

 

Mostly at River. 

 

But Amy wanted her to take care of him, so River was patient and River was understanding and River bit her tongue nearly in two. 

 

But she had nowhere to go with her own overwhelming grief--no one to take care of _her_ or to be patient and understanding. 

 

So it was inevitable that eventually things were going to come to a head--and a rather explosive one at that.

 

She was attempting to write that damn Melody Malone book. Trying to write it all out when she hadn’t processed her own feelings yet just made it all worse. She was definitely cross. 

 

And the Doctor was cross, and it made an ugly combination.

 

He glared at the book then at her. “This is all your fault, you know.”

 

“What is? The fact that Weeping Angels took over New York? The fact that one of them seemed to have a disturbing obsession with my father and wasn’t willing to let him go?  _ What? _ ”

 

“No! This book! This  _ bloody _ book that made me fancy you even though I didn’t know it was you! You wrote it and sucked us in to this horrible mess, and it’s all your fault!”

 

She tried, she really did--she tried to stay calm. “Doctor, I had no idea about the book until we were already in the middle of it. And I never expected any of you to show up. I knew the TARDIS couldn’t land there-- _ shouldn’t _ land there--so it was supposed to be a solo job. Just like hundreds of solo jobs I'd done before. Trust me, if I’d known how it would end, I would have turned it down! I didn’t expect Dad to just suddenly appear on that street!”

 

“You told Amy to go-- _ specifically _ told her to go!”

 

“To be with my father? Yes. Yes, I did.  _ That _ I would do again.” 

 

The Doctor made an angry sort of growl in his throat. He looked ready to throttle her.

 

And suddenly River just did not care anymore. If he was going to be  _ that _ selfish about the whole thing…

 

She bit off her words in angry precision. Timelord fury might be the stuff of legends, but River Song could match it any day. “No. No, Doctor, you listen to me. You know--you  _ know _ what losing Rory would do to Amy. You’ve  _ seen _ it. You saw it when they tried to divorce. You saw it when he died and was erased from time. Would you  _ really _ sentence her to a life without him? Are you honestly  _ that _ selfish?”

 

He started to speak, but now that she’d started she couldn’t stop. “No. Look, I’m sorry. I’m sorry you lost her. I’m sorry I couldn’t get free from that Angel and change time for you. And I’m sorry I couldn’t figure out a way for the Angel to just take me and leave them with you.” 

 

Now he stared at her in horror. “No, that isn’t what I--”

 

“No. Doctor, I know. I’ve  _ always _ known. Yes, you love me, but I’m not her. And if it came to a straight choice, you’d want her. You’d  _ choose _ her. Your little Amelia. I have always known that, and it’s  _ fine _ .”

 

“River, no, I didn’t mean--”

 

But she was done. Done with being the patient one. Done with being the strong one. Done with this whole  ridiculous conversation. 

 

She’d take care of him again later. Right now she needed to take care of herself. She strode out of the room and lost herself in the depths of the TARDIS.

 

###

 

River locked herself in her favorite room. She was pretty sure the Doctor didn’t even know it existed. It was a secret between her and her second mother. 

 

Here she could be safe. Here she could be alone with her grief. 

 

She curled up into a tiny ball and thought about her parents. Other than those seven years at the orphanage and that span of time when they tried to divorce, she’d never known a time without them. They didn’t always know they were her parents, but they were always  _ there _ . 

 

They always had her back. 

 

Amy, her best friend from the moment they’d pulled their first prank. Rory, her rock, her encourager, her protector and defender. 

 

And now they were gone. In the literal blink of the eye. Just names on a gravestone. 

 

Logically River knew she wasn’t the first person to lose her parents suddenly. But that knowledge didn’t make it hurt any less. She leaned back against the wall and finally let the tears come. 

 

She feared they might never stop. 

 

It was an ugly cry. She sobbed and screamed and choked. Her whole body shook. She thought she might make herself sick. But oh, the relief of just  _ getting it out .  _

 

Amy could be trusted to keep any secret River gave her to the death. But apparently River’s second mother lacked the loyalty of the first. 

 

Because the TARDIS betrayed her and led the Doctor straight to the secret room. 

 

She sucked in air, frantically trying to swallow the sobs and stop the flow of tears.  _ Hide the damage, hide the damage… _

 

The Doctor was having none of it. He wrapped his arms around her and refused to let go. “Shh,” he whispered in her ear. “I’m sorry, and we’ll have it all out later. I promise to grovel...a lot. But right now just relax and let it out, honey.”

 

“No, no, I can’t--”

 

“Hush. It’s called marriage.” 

 

That undid her, and she started to bawl all over again. 

 

And the Doctor was there for all of it. He made soothing noises in her ear as he held her and rocked her back and forth. 

 

Finally the tears abated. She’d probably just run out, truth be told. River sagged back against the Doctor, exhausted to her very bones. “Thank you, sweetie. I’m fine now.”

 

“You’re really not. I know that, River. And I’m not either. But we don’t have to be. Not about this. You’ve seen all my damage. Hell, you’ve been the victim of a good deal of it. You certainly don’t need to hide any of your own. That’s just rubbish.” 

 

Oh,  _ now _ he wanted to address all that. She almost snorted. 

 

But she was too tired to argue, so she just rested her head on his shoulder. She felt him press a kiss to her hair and whisper a soft “I love you” in her ear. 

 

Then she fell asleep.

 

###

 

River had struggled with nightmares all her life. She slept poorly and awoke abruptly. 

 

But this time she drifted awake in stages, taking her time.

 

It was odd.

 

First she became aware of safety, security. Peace. 

 

Then she felt a stiffness in her neck, like she was in some sort of uncomfortable position.

 

She’d slept in plenty such positions over the years, but never with an association of safety or peace.

 

 

Next she realized that someone was murmuring in her ear. It sounded like a lullaby of sorts. In Gallifreyan. 

 

That caused her to remember that she’d fallen asleep on the Doctor’s shoulder. She opened her eyes to meet his. “Hello, sweetie.” 

 

He smiled sadly. “Hello, dear. Good sleep?”

  
  
“Surprisingly, yes.” 

 

“Good.” He kissed her slowly, gently, searchingly. Almost like he wasn’t sure he still had the right. 

 

She sighed into his mouth. They did have an awful lot to deal with, but at the moment she couldn’t bring herself to care all that much. She buried her fingers in that glorious floppy hair of his and kissed him back. 

 

She could feel his relief. Maybe they wouldn’t deal with anything after all. Maybe he would just assume all was well, and they’d continue on the same as always. 

 

Maybe that was for the best. 

 

They broke apart, and the Doctor rested his forehead against hers. “I don’t say it enough. And I’m rubbish at showing it. But River, I do love you.” 

 

“I know, sweetie. I love you too.” 

 

He kissed her again, quickly, and pulled her to her feet. They headed back into the console room. The Doctor tucked Amy’s glasses into his pocket, but he tossed the afterword aside. 

 

Then he proclaimed that it was time to leave the vortex and go somewhere. But not just anywhere; he wanted it to be special. “I’m taking you on a date, wife! It’s been far too long.” 

 

She smiled. “Sounds lovely, honey. Where do you want to go?”

 

He beamed at her. “I’m feeling nostalgic. So back to my first date.”

 

She tried to remember. Where had he taken her first when he’d come to Stormcage after Demon’s Run? “The Valley of the Waltzing Flowers on Nimron?” 

 

He rolled his eyes. “No, of course not.” He landed the TARDIS and grabbed her hand. “Come on.”

 

Her jaw dropped. Asgard. He’d brought her to  _ Asgard _ . “This wasn’t your first date!” 

 

The Doctor frowned. “Of course it was! It--oh, wait, have you done this yet? Is this spoilers?”

 

“No, it’s not spoilers.” She echoed her words to his older self. “But, Doctor, do you  _ remember _ how you behaved on that picnic?”

 

His face softened. “Yes. I was so young, and you bloody terrified me. But you were brilliant and mysterious, and I couldn’t help but fall in love with you a little bit.”

 

“Even then?”

 

“Even then. Now come on. You were trying to celebrate your pardon back then, and in my ignorance I was a rotten co-celebrant. Let’s do it right this time, my dear Professor Song.” 

 

He brought out a picnic basket from who even knew where. And they settled in a spot not far from the original picnic site. 

 

And River got to watch her husband dip his fish fingers in his custard and spit out the wine. She laughed in delight, feeling better than she had in weeks. The Doctor grinned. 

 

They were going to be okay. 

 

The food was long gone, and the Doctor was lying across the blanket toying with his wine glass when he spoke. “Tell me something, River.” 

 

“What?”

 

“Did you know this was coming? Amy and Rory getting taken by an Angel, I mean.” He shook his head. “I’m so used to you knowing everything before it happens. Did you...did you know this?”

 

She picked at the blanket. “No. I knew they’d lived in New York for a few years in the 1970s, but I had no idea it was because they’d been stuck there since 1938.”

 

“You knew they lived in New York in the 70s,” the Doctor repeated slowly. Understanding dawned in his eyes. “You regenerated. In a back alley in New York. In…?”

 

“Early 1970,” River confirmed. She remembered the older Doctor’s words,  _ “Trust me, it will be  _ glaringly _ obvious when it’s time to tell me that…”  _ “Dad found me there. I don’t know how. I always thought I’d spoil them closer to time. Now I won’t have the chance.”

 

“They took you to the Statue of Liberty when you were six. That was what, 1975 then?”

 

She shrugged. “Something like that. I told you that when I regenerated I became a toddler. I stayed with them for seven years. By the time I left, I appeared around eight.” She smiled sadly. “It was a wonderful seven years. I didn’t even realize how wonderful at the time. I was too busy wishing for my ‘real’ parents.” She shook her head, fighting tears. “So stupid.”

 

“Hey.” The Doctor sat up. “River. Listen to me. You were a kid, and you didn’t know. They’ll know that, understand that. They’ll just be so grateful that they finally got that time with their little Melody.” 

 

“I know,” she said quietly. “I just...I don’t know, I just miss them.” 

 

“Oh, River.” He pulled her to him. “It’s okay. I do too.” 

 

She didn’t cry again, but she sat nestled in the Doctor’s arms, drawing slow, shaky breaths. Finally, he kissed her head and whispered, “Honey, we need to talk.”

 

She lifted her head. “About Amy and Rory?”

 

“No. About us. River…” He shook his head. “You are so much your mother’s daughter.” 

 

She blinked in surprise. That wasn’t quite what she’d expected him to say. “Um. Thank you?”

 

“Not in this case. Amy tried to divorce Rory because she thought she knew what he wanted--children, more than anything else. She was wrong. He just wanted  her.”

 

River stared at him blankly. “What does that have to do with me?”

 

“Because you’ve done the same thing, River Song. You’ve assumed you knew what I wanted--that I  _ wanted  _ you to be invincible and invulnerable, to always ‘hide the bloody damage.’ And I’m telling you right now that you are  _ wrong _ . You are my  _ wife _ , and I want to be there for you just like you’ve been there for me. You know every fault I have--did you really think I expected you to have none?”

 

She laughed hollowly. “I’m all too aware of my flaws, sweetie. But--”

 

“No, River. No buts. Just.. _._ _ let me in _ _._ Please. I know I’m a rubbish husband. I’ll try to do better. But you have to _ let _ me try.”

 

She swallowed. She could face down dangerous aliens, fling herself off buildings, and even revisit the horrors of her childhood when she absolutely had to. But she wasn’t sure her superhero abilities extended to this sort of honesty and openness. 

 

Or if the Doctor was even ready for it, no matter how earnest his words. 

 

He cupped her face in his hands. “I  _ love  _ you, River. And I married you because I wanted to. You’ve been an exemplary wife all these years. Give me a chance to be a husband...a real husband. We can get through this, but only if we do it together.” 

 

She trembled on the precipice for a moment then took the plunge. “Okay.” 

 

He exhaled in relief and kissed her. “Thank you. Now. One last thing.”

 

River raised an eyebrow. “Oh? There’s more?”

 

“Mm. Yes. We need to talk about Amy.”

 

She frowned. “We just did.” 

 

“No, River. We need to talk about what you  _ said _ about my feelings for Amy.”

 

“Oh. That.” She looked away. “Doctor, it’s fine. I don’t mind. I’ve never minded. I know how much she means to you.”

 

“I really don’t think you do, dear. I  _ love  _ Amy; I won’t deny that. But not at all in the same way I love you.” 

 

Her frown deepened. “I know that too.” 

 

“You certainly don’t act like it! Thinking I’d rather you got zapped back in time by that Angel!  _ Why _ would I want that?”

 

“Because then you’d still have my parents--Amy, especially. You know you’d have been all right if she’d come into the TARDIS like you asked and just left Rory in the past alone.” She shrugged. “And I’d probably live long enough to outlast whatever time distortions surrounded New York. Eventually I could get back to you all. It’s not like we’re together all the time anyway.”

 

“Not because I haven’t asked,” the Doctor muttered. He rubbed a thumb along her cheek. “It wouldn’t have worked though. It was all fixed. I knew it, really, even as I fought it. I think I’ve always known I would lose them. I tried to prevent it once by dropping them off and letting them get on with their lives. But you know how well I did with  _ that _ _._ ” 

 

“They loved you,” River said. “They were glad you didn’t just say goodbye and never come back. They always chose you.”

 

“Yes,” he agreed. “I know that too. Doesn’t make it hurt any less.”

 

“No. It doesn’t.” 

 

“But River...I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. I’m sorry. The only excuse I have is that I trust you with the darkest, most wretched parts of myself--the parts I hate and try to keep hidden. The parts Amy would never have seen. She was my friend, and I loved her completely. And she knew the darkness was there. She knew I needed her and Rory there to keep it under control. But I wouldn’t have let her  _ see _ it, River.” 

 

River nodded slowly. “I understand.”

 

“Do you? Do you  really ? Are we really okay now?” 

 

  
She smiled. “Yeah. I really do. And we really are.”


	21. Chapter Twenty-One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because post-Pond grief doesn't end with just one chapter! There's more! 
> 
> Okay, so i won't drag it out forever, and the next chapter will move on to happier times. But there was still a bit I wanted to address post-Manhattan. I hope you like it--let me know your thoughts.

Chapter Twenty-One

 

“Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you?” the Doctor asked.

 

River shook her head. “I wouldn’t ask that of you, sweetie.”

 

“You’re not asking; I am,” he retorted.

 

She rolled her eyes. “You know what I mean. But seriously. I’ll be fine. And I’ll call you if I need you, okay?”

 

“Promise me that. Even if it’s just to hold you while you sob, you _call_ me, River.”

 

“I promise,” she said. “And I’ll be back before you know it.”

 

His worried expression softened, and he kissed her. “You’d better be. I miss you already.”

 

“Sentimental idiot,” she teased.

 

“You know you love it.”

 

She laughed. She did love it.

 

And it bolstered her courage for what she had to do next.

 

River was headed to Leadworth, to give the grim news to her grandparents--who didn’t even know they were her grandparents--and to deal with the life her mum and dad had left behind.

 

Amy and Rory hadn’t wanted to tell their parents about their strange, timey-wimey daughter, so River wouldn’t either. She would introduce herself simply as a friend of theirs and of the Doctor and take things from there.

 

She drew a deep, steadying breath and set the coordinates on her vortex manipulator. She kissed the Doctor one last time, and then she was in Leadworth.

 

Outside her parents’ house. A week after they’d left.

 

She closed her eyes. She wasn’t as ready for this as she’d thought.

 

She decided she’d sit by the duck pond for a few minutes and pull herself together.

 

And that’s where he found her. “River?”

 

She looked up. He was older--so much older than the last time she'd seen him, leaving New York all those years ago. But she recognized him instantly. "Tony?"

 

He opened his arms. "Hey, sis. Good to see you."

 

She flung herself at him. And maybe it wasn't as good as a Rory hug, but Anthony Williams had clearly learned how to hug from their father so it was a good, solid second.

 

"I was hoping you'd be here," Tony said, easing her away slightly. "I just came from Granddad's house. He needed a few minutes alone. But he'll want to see you once he's gotten control of himself."

 

She stared at him. "You...told him about me?"

 

“Did you think I wouldn’t? River, you’re in the family albums. Most of the pictures Mom and Dad had of you were on their fancy future phones, but Dad carried one print in his wallet. They treasured it. And Mom drew sketches of you all the time. And then of course there were all the photos from when you lived with us. So of course I told Granddad all about you. He’s eager to meet you--again. I’m sure the Ponds will be as well--I’m to visit them next.”

 

Tony reached into his pocket. “There’s also this. Mom kept it with her all the time. I thought you should have it.” He handed it to her.

 

The prayer leaf. River touched it reverently.

 

“She never explained it to me, other than to say it was your name in some other language. But it clearly meant something important.”

 

  
River traced the letters. Amy had told her once what Lorna had said about the meaning.

 

If only the talisman had worked.

 

Or did it? River looked up at her brother. "Tony...I know it's spoilers, but please...do I ever see them again?"

 

Tony sighed. "Oh, River. I wish I could say you came to Sunday dinners and all the holidays. They always set a plate for you and the Doctor at Christmas, but...well..."

 

"It's okay," she murmured thickly. "I understand."

 

He gave her another quick hug then reached into his pocket again. “They wrote these for you.” He handed her an envelope. “Listen, how about I give you a few minutes to read them in private? Then we can meet somewhere for coffee. My treat.”

 

“Sounds good.”

 

Tony left to visit Amy’s parents, and River sat back down next to the pond.

 

  
She read Rory’s letter first.

 

_Dear River,_

 

 _We're writing these letters and sending them with Anthony in hopes that you'll be in Leadworth when he goes to visit Dad and Augustus and Tabetha. I figure you might be there to deal with the house and such. Let's face it; it’s not like the Doctor will be_ any _use when it comes to that. I'm sorry it's left to you--Dad and Tony will help you, I'm sure. You let them help you, okay? And you let them take care of you._

 

_I wish we'd had more time together. And I'm sorry for the times I hurt you. I know you always brushed it off, saying it was only twice. Well, as I see it, that's three times too many. And I'm sorry._

 

_I'm so proud of the person you are. I want you to always remember that you are my baby girl--whether you are River Song or Melody Pond or Mels Zucker. I have always loved you, and I always will._

 

_Love,_

_Dad_

 

_P.S. I enjoyed our day at the Statue of Liberty just as much as I knew I would. Well worth waiting to see it properly (you know, the real one rather than the monster-possessed one) with my girl._

 

_P.P.S. I think I enjoyed taking you to see the original Star Wars open in theatres even more!_

 

River laughed through her tears. She reread the words several times before reaching for Amy’s note.

 

_Dear Melody,_

_I hear other parents talking about how quick their kids grow up and how they wish they had more time. They don't know the half of it, do they? Whereas you and I know it all too well._

_I have so many regrets in our relationship, but you're an amazing woman and I'm proud to say you're my daughter. I truly think you got all the best parts of Rory and me--his loyalty and courage and incredible capacity to love, and my willfulness and sass and refusal to give up or back down (plus my fashion sense and ability to flirt! Ha!)_

_I know I told you to look after the Doctor, but Melody, you look after yourself too. And always remember that we love you._

_Love,_

_Your Mum_

 

River sobbed in earnest now. She wasn’t sure how long she sat there, bawling next to that stupid pond, but suddenly she felt a hand on her shoulder.

 

She looked up. Brian. Frantically she tried to sniff back the tears. He didn’t need her grief on top of his own.

 

But her grandfather--and oh, my, he knew that now--shook his head at her and pulled her to him. The tears started again.

 

They cried together.

 

###

 

Dinner that night was awkward. And horrible. And wonderful. Somehow it broke River’s hearts all the more and yet started the process of knitting them back together.

 

Family was confusing.

 

But Tabetha Pond insisted that they would all gather at her house for a family dinner. They would mourn Amy and Rory. They would share happy memories. They would _be together_ _._ (She emphasized those words.)

 

River flipped through the albums Tony had brought. A whole life contained within in those pages. And except for seven years, it was a life she knew nothing about.

 

But Tony hadn’t been exaggerating about the number of sketches Amy had done. Over and over again, those drawings appeared, nestled between Christmas photos and school portraits and birthday parties. River touched one such drawing in awe.

 

“Would you like a couple of them?” Tony asked her.

 

She shook her head, then changed her mind and nodded. “Please.”

 

“Yes, let’s all take a few,” Tabetha said eagerly. “Oh...Tony, do you mind?”

 

“Not at all. I’d like to keep a few myself, of course, but there’s plenty to go around.”

 

So they began choosing personal favorites. River took one she thought the Doctor might especially like, as well as a couple for herself.

 

Tabetha ran a hand over River’s curls. “I can’t believe Amy never told us she’d had a baby. And then lost you. My poor girl--she grieved alone.”

 

“She regretted not telling you,” Tony said. “They both did. They wanted me to be sure to correct that, and they were pretty sure River would be here when I did.”

 

River smiled wistfully. “They always did know me well.”

 

Brian chuckled. “Yes. Even as kids, when I was shaking my head in exasperation at something you’d done, Rory would patiently explain to me why it made perfect sense.”

 

“Amy did that too! It’s like they somehow knew even then that you were theirs,” Tabetha said.

 

River nodded. “I felt that way. They were wonderful parents, really, even when they didn’t know it.” She looked around the table. “And you were all amazing grandparents too. I had a good childhood here.”

 

Augustus patted her back. “We loved you, Mels. You were a spitfire, but then so was Amy. We were happy to have you here at holidays and such, kind of like another daughter.” His eyes drifted to Tony. “I’m sorry we missed your childhood.”

 

Tony smiled. “I am too. I would have loved to have known you. But Mom and Dad talked about you all the time, so I kind of feel like I do. I’ve looked forward to being able to meet you for a long time.”

 

“We can go golfing,” Brian said. “Are you a golfer?”

 

Tony laughed in delight. “Dad tried to teach me. You can imagine how well _that_ went.”

 

Brian groaned. “Oh, no. You’d have to unlearn anything he taught you.”

 

“That’s what he said,” Tony said. “So he sent me for lessons. He kind of hoped I might be able to play with you some day.”

 

“Let’s all go tomorrow!” Augustus enthused. “Melody, do you golf?”

 

“No idea. I’ve never tried.”

 

“She’s probably brilliant,” Tony said. “Mom and Dad were convinced that River Song could do _anything_.”

 

“Oh, don’t bother finding out,” Tabetha said. “Let me take you shopping instead. It will be like old times. How many times did I take you and Amy shopping?”

 

A dark cloud seemed to fall over the group. It wouldn’t really be like old times, and they all knew it.

 

But River forced a smile. “Sounds great. Thank you.”

 

River ended up staying in Leadworth for a month. The five of them worked together to sort through Amy and Rory’s house. They held a memorial service and told people that the Williamses had met with an accident while traveling.

 

It wasn’t too far from the truth. At least part of it.

 

Tony said Rory had died in his bed with Amy by his side. He’d gotten pneumonia and just couldn’t fight it off in his old age. Tony had been honestly surprised that Amy had lived five more years after that. “Always figured them for one of those couples who’d die close together--just not able to carry on without the other.”

 

“They were kind of like that,” River agreed.

 

“Yeah. But she hung in there. I think she stuck around for me and the kids as much as anything. But finally her heart gave out.”

 

“You’ve got kids?” Tabetha said eagerly.

 

  
“Yeah. And grandkids. I’ll bring them next time. My wife too. I just wanted to be alone this trip because I knew I had a lot of overwhelming news to share.” He pulled out his wallet and a phone. “However, I’ve got pictures.”

 

Two nieces and a nephew. Two grandnephews and two grandnieces. River studied each picture in awe. “I might be able to get to New York now, with Mum and Dad...gone. I’ll try to come visit. I hear Aunt River is the coolest aunt ever.”

 

Tony laughed heartily. “I have no doubt. My son Lee and my daughter Amanda are both married. Samantha isn’t.” He leaned forward to whisper. “I think she might end up your favorite--she’s a bit of a spitfire as well. Mom didn’t really play favorites, but she sure had a soft spot for Sam.”

 

River laughed and looked at the picture again. Sam definitely had fire in her eyes.

 

“You were dating Emily Arnette when I lived with Mum and Dad,” River remembered.

 

“Yep. Married her not long after we sent you off with Captain Harkness.”

 

Tabetha frowned. “What?”

 

“That’s how I got here in 1997 from New York in ‘77,” River said. “Captain Jack Harkness.” She held up her wrist. “He had a vortex manipulator like mine. Cheap, portable time travel.”

 

“That’s truly amazing,” Brian said. He hesitated, then asked, “Could I...could I perhaps take a trip with you? Sometime?”

 

“Any time you like,” River promised. Her face fell. “Unless you’re asking me to take you to Mum and Dad. I’m sorry--I can’t do that. I would if I could.”

 

“Oh, baby girl, I know you would.” Brian slipped an arm around her. “No, that isn’t what I meant. But I traveled with the Doctor and Amy and Rory a bit. I’d like to do so with you as well.”

 

 _Baby girl._ Good heavens, Rory was so much like his father. River curled up into Brian’s side. It felt safe, familiar.

 

She’d never thought to feel that again.

 

  
But it was nice to know that not _everything_ had ended that day in the graveyard.


	22. Chapter Twenty-Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You'll be able to tell from this chapter that we're entering the homestretch. Many thanks to those of you who've hung in there this long! Hopefully I can hold your interest until the end. 
> 
> Not a whole lot happens here--it's kind of a transition chapter--but it sets important things in motion. I hope you enjoy. 
> 
> Spoilers for the mini ep "The Rain Gods."

Chapter Twenty-Two

 

River returned to the Doctor. In typical Doctor fashion, he proceeded to go over the top in his attempt to be a “better husband.” They went on a whirlwind tour of the top romantic destinations in all of time and space.

 

Silly old man. As if she’d ever needed any of that. 

 

Still…”It occurs to me, sweetie,” she said one day. “As much as I’m enjoying our second honeymoon here, there’s one place we haven’t been that I  _ have _ always wanted to see. Why don’t we go there next?”

 

“Anywhere you’d like, dear! Just name it!”

 

“The Singing Towers of Darillium. Have you ever been?”

 

He froze. She frowned as she watched him. She’d never seen him go so utterly still. What on earth was the matter with him? “Doctor?” 

 

He gave a sort of jerk and started flitting around the console again. “I’ll add it to the list! But first, let’s pamper you a bit, eh? I’ll take you to the spa on Dupondia. It’s intergalactically famous! Then we can go to the Planet of the Coffee Shops--I know how much you love it there--”

 

“Doctor, if you don’t want to go to the Singing Towers, it’s fine,” River interrupted. 

 

She could swear he flinched. “No, no, we’ll go; I promise we’ll go. Just--well, maybe not today, hmm?”

 

She rolled her eyes. “All right, sweetie. Some other time.” 

 

It seemed to River that they went everywhere in the universe  _ but  _ the Singing Towers. She only brought it up once more, and he again assured her that he would take her...soon. “But first let’s go see New Paris! I’ve been to New New York, but not New Paris!”

 

She gave up. Clearly he didn’t really want to go to the Singing Towers at all, but he didn’t want to say no outright. He obviously hoped she’d forget about it. 

 

She wondered about it. Did it hold a painful memory of some sort for him? Perhaps he’d taken Rose there….

 

He tried to take her to his favorite restaurant, but they ended up on the Planet of the Rain Gods instead and were very nearly sacrificed.  _ Not  _ her idea of a fun romantic getaway. “You’re lucky you’re pretty,” she huffed at him when they were safely back in the TARDIS. 

 

He must have felt apologetic because he took her on a string of archaeological digs and didn’t even complain...much. 

 

Eventually River knew she needed to get back to Luna. The Doctor tried to talk her out of it. “River, we’re in a  _ time machine _ . You won’t be late--it will be like you never left! Besides, doesn’t the university give bereavement leave or something?”

 

She rolled her eyes. “I’d have a fine time explaining to my superiors why, in the middle of the 51st century, I suddenly needed bereavement leave for a couple who died in the late twentieth century. Can you imagine  _ that  _ conversation?”

 

“They were your parents,” the Doctor insisted. “I don’t see why Luna needs to know any more than that.”

 

River sighed. “Sweetie, the Church sealed Melody Pond’s records a long time ago. My official records from Stormcage list me as River Song--an orphan with no family whatsoever.”

 

“Oh.” He looked chastened. “Sorry. But please stay a little longer.  _ Please _ ?”

 

She never could say no when he looked at her like that. Surprising he hadn’t figured that out yet really. She sighed. “Okay, honey. Just a little while though, hmm?”

 

He beamed. “Of course! Just a little while.”

 

###

 

“A little while” turned into another four months. But finally River insisted she needed to return to Luna. “You could come, you know. Sit in on classes. Mock me and tell me how everything I teach my students is wrong.”

 

“River! I would never!”

 

She laughed. “You so would.”

 

“Fine, yes, I would.” He seemed to think it over for a bit. “All right. You know I don’t do well in one place for long, but I’ll try to behave, dear.”

 

She smiled and tucked her arm through his. “That’s all I can ask.”

 

He made it two weeks, which was about twelve days longer than she would have thought. He really  _ was  _ trying. 

 

But finally he couldn’t stand it any longer. River understood and shooed him off.

 

“Come with me,” he whined.

 

“I really can’t this time,” she told him. “I have a meeting with a Mr. Lux about a new expedition. The Library Planet--it sounds interesting. You go on though.”

 

The Doctor made an odd sort of noise in the back of his throat that River couldn’t decipher. She frowned. “Sweetie? You all right?”

 

He beamed at her. Why did it look fake? “I’m always all right, dear! I’ll pop off for a bit while you take your meeting. Then I’ll come back and we can celebrate, yeah?” 

 

“Sure. Sounds good.” She’d probably be lucky if he made it back before she left for whatever job Mr. Lux had in mind. But that was okay. They could always celebrate afterward.

 

###

 

River didn’t like Mr. Lux much, but she agreed to lead his expedition to the Library. 

 

She just had a few things to take care of first. 

 

Number one on her to do list was sending off the Melody Malone manuscript. She’d finally finished it, and she just wanted it  _ gone . _

 

She checked the copyright date in the Doctor’s copy of the book and tried to figure out how far back from that she needed to get the manuscript to her mother. She finally settled on a date she thought would work. 

 

Location didn’t matter as much, since she would have to mail the manuscript, but she wanted to be as close as could get to her parents without causing any problems for the time-space continuum. So she materialized in a small Connecticut town and went to find a post office. 

 

Writing a note to go with the manuscript was one of the hardest things River had ever done. This was her last goodbye to her parents. What was she supposed to say? How could you condense a lifetime into a few words?

 

How had they managed to do it so perfectly? 

 

Finally she put pen to paper and just did it. She wrote on autopilot, figuring if she gave herself time to think she’d never get started. She told them she was enclosing the Melody Malone manuscript, and she asked Amy to write the afterword for the Doctor.  _ “He’ll need it, Mother. He’ll need to know that you’re all right and have had a good life. He’ll need to be reminded not to be alone. And he’ll listen to you when he won’t to listen to me.” _

 

She paused for a moment and drew a deep breath. Then she finished her letter.  _ “I love you both and miss you every day. But I’m grateful for the time we had and I’m so glad that you’re together--as it should be. And here is one last spoiler for you: In January 1970, in a back alley of the city, a little girl is going to die of hunger and cold and illness. But then she’ll regenerate and become a toddler. And a man she’ll come to know as Arthur Williams will find her in that alley and take her home with him. She’ll stay with him and his lovely wife Jessica for seven years before she leaves to be with her parents in Leadworth.  _

 

_ “I’m sorry I don’t have more details for you than that. I know New York has countless back alleys, and I don’t even know the date in January--I’d spent far too long on the run by that point to keep track of such things. I guess I always figured I had plenty of time to find all that out for you, but the universe is a cruel mistress and our time ran out. So I’m just going to assume that it somehow works out, and that you’ll be there when I need you--just like you always have been.” _

  
Shaking, she signed her name. She added the letter to the packet that held the manuscript and dropped her last goodbye in the mail. 


	23. Chapter Twenty-Three

Chapter Twenty-Three

 

The next item on River’s agenda was even harder than the first. 

 

She’d had plenty of time to study Amy’s photo display during that month she’d spent in Leadworth. She’d talked over all the memories those pictures held with her brother and their grandparents. 

 

But there was one picture River could not explain. A picture of a time she hadn’t lived yet. 

 

A picture of herself, her parents, and one Captain Jack Harkness. 

 

And maybe she ought to wait for the event to happen on its own, but River just wanted to get it over with. 

 

She only hoped she could pull it off. She couldn’t let a single spoiler slip--couldn’t beg Amy and Rory to never let the Doctor take them to New York--couldn’t show so much as a  _ hint  _ of her current heartbreak or they’d see it and ask about it and she’d probably blurt it all out. 

 

So as much as she treasured the idea of one more visit, she dreaded it too. This would be  _ hard _ . 

 

When she arrived in Leadworth, the weather was bright and sunny. Really, couldn’t it have rained? Or at least been grim and grey?

 

Amy wasn’t sitting outside waiting this time, but she flung open the door and squealed with delight when River rang. “River!”

 

River closed her eyes, relishing Amy’s hug. She felt her mother press a kiss to her cheek and took it as the signal to pull back. She couldn’t give any sign that this could well be the last hug she ever got from her mum. “Is Dad around?”

 

“Yes. We’re actually getting ready to head out to Cardiff.”

 

“Cardiff? Whatever for?” Although River supposed that did explain meeting up with Jack. Hadn’t the Doctor told her the captain had been headquartered in Cardiff for a while?

 

“Petrichor!” Amy beamed. “Oh, River, it’s been so brilliant! You and I are total geniuses--we should put our heads together more often.”

 

“Petrichor? The perfume?”

 

“Yes--oh, sorry, is this spoilers?” 

 

River chuckled. “No. Not this time. So you’re going to Cardiff because of the perfume?”

 

“Right. We’ve been invited to speak at a seminar on marketing products for women. No idea why they picked Cardiff for the location, but it’s a huge honor and we’re going. Come with us! It’s your perfume too!” 

 

“Well, all right.” River made sure she spoke doubtfully--she couldn’t let her mother know that she  _ had _ to come. “I’m not sure how much of my role I can actually reveal though. Some of the components to that perfume aren’t exactly local, Mother.” 

 

“Oh, it’ll be fine! You’ll figure something out--you always do.” There went Amy with that unshakable faith again. 

 

“So when do we leave?” River asked. 

 

“As soon as Rory’s ready. His shift at the hospital ran long, so he’s a bit behind.”

 

“I’m ready now.” Rory appeared. “Hey, baby girl. Glad you could join us.” He gave her a quick, one-armed hug and kissed the top of her head. 

 

They took the train. The train ride was one of the most bittersweet experiences of River’s life. On the one hand, she was thrilled to spend the time with her parents--kind of a bonus after everything was over. 

 

On the other, she was entirely too conscious of it all being the  _ last _ \--last hug, last kiss, last time reminiscing about their childhood, last family trip. It was enough to make her want to throw up. 

 

Hiding the damage had never been so difficult. 

 

They arrived in Cardiff and checked into their hotel. Amy kept chattering on in her excitement, and River exchanged an amused look with her father. 

 

The conference went well, and they celebrated that night in a pub. River made sure it was a pub near the rift. Might as well keep the odds in their favor, right? 

 

She headed to the bar to get another round of drinks for the three of them. She ended up just planting herself on a barstool though and downing that round herself. Because her parents, in typical Amy and Rory fashion, had already taken advantage of her absence and started snogging like a couple of hormonal teenagers.

 

Really. It was like being Mels all over again. She rolled her eyes and tossed back another drink. 

 

“Mind if I join you?” a voice near her ear said. “It’s not like they’re missing you.” 

 

Well, well, Captain Jack himself. River gestured to the empty stool next to her. “Go right ahead. I’ll even buy you a drink.”

 

“Aw, that’s my line.” He pouted. 

 

“Well, I certainly won’t stop you if you want to buy.” 

 

River knew Jack probably had a witty comeback, but she never got to hear it. A scuffle broke out near them. What should have just been one drunk customer throwing a punch turned into an all-out brawl with tables being overturned and chairs breaking. 

 

Honestly, where was the security in this place? 

 

And then someone fired a shot--from a pulse pistol. River wasn’t sure what a pulse pistol was doing at a pub in Cardiff, but she wasn’t going to wait on security any longer. 

 

“You move in from the right; I’ll take the left,” Jack murmured. 

 

She nodded acknowledgement and crept off to the right. One more stray blast fired before River had the pistol in her hand and Jack had the shooter secured. 

 

“Dig in my back pocket for my phone, and I’ll get someone to come take care of this guy,” Jack said.

 

“Ooh, honey, with pleasure.” River batted her eyelashes before doing his bidding. “Shall I hold onto our prisoner while you make your call?” She pulled out her handcuffs.

 

Jack grinned widely. “She travels with her own handcuffs. I’m in love.” 

 

Amy appeared while Jack made his call. She hugged River tightly then pulled back to give her a hard smack to the shoulder. “Melody Pond!” the ginger hissed. “What were you thinking? That guy was a worse shot than Hitler! You big numpty, d’you think I brought you to Cardiff just to watch you get yourself killed?”

 

“Mother, I’m  fine. ” 

 

“Mother?” Jack had apparently finished his call. 

 

Oops. She didn’t usually make mistakes like that. River recovered quickly. “She’s acting like a mum, don’t you think?”

 

Amy giggled. “She’s been calling me Mum since we were kids. I play the part well according to her.” 

 

Jack handed off the shooter to a couple of people after speaking to them briefly in low tones. He turned back to River and Amy and held out his hand. “Jack Harkness. Pleasure to meet you both.”

 

They introduced themselves and headed back to the table where Rory waited. Rory gave River a quick, one-armed hug. “Glad you’re okay. I tried to tell Amy you knew what you were doing, but...well, you know how she is.” 

 

Jack’s gaze had been appreciative when he’d introduced himself to Amy and River, but it was nothing compared to the fire in his eyes when he fixed on Rory. A slow smile lit his face as he again held out his hand. “This is so my lucky night. Captain Jack Harkness. And you are--”

 

Amy’s eyes narrowed, and she took Rory’s arm possessively. “Married,” she snapped. “He’s  _ married _ .” 

 

“Aw, no, really?” 

 

“And here you said you were in love with me and my handcuffs,” River said. “I’m crushed, honey. You really shouldn’t lead a girl on like that.” 

 

“Don’t worry, beautiful.” Jack wrapped an arm around River. “I’m now officially yours for the rest of the night.” 

 

“Can’t tell you how flattering it is to be your second choice. But all right, come join us.” 

 

They settled into a booth and managed a few minutes of pleasant small talk. Okay, so it was mostly River and Jack trading innuendo. The Doctor had been right, River thought smugly. She and Jack probably  _ could _ burn up a few star systems. 

 

But she held herself back, mostly because of how uncomfortable her father looked. Amy looked torn between amusement and confused irritation--after all, River was married too, and to Amy’s best friend. 

 

The result was that sometimes Amy aided and abetted the pair in their flirting, feeding lines too blatant to ignore. Other times she tried to steer the conversation back to tamer territory. 

 

It might have gone on like that the whole evening, but Jack’s hand dropped a little too low for Rory’s liking. The dad in him had had enough. “Take your hand off of my…” Rory stopped abruptly and tried again. “Take your hand off of her.”

 

Jack chuckled and complied. “You were going to say daughter, weren’t you? River already let the cat out of the bag earlier, calling Amy Mother. They covered well, but I knew something was off with you three.” He held up River’s hand, displaying the vortex manipulator. “And then I saw this.” 

 

“You actually know what that is?” Amy asked.

 

Jack rolled his eyes. “Yes. I know what it is. And I know who uses it.” His expression changed, the warmth replaced by hardness. “And you can tell the Time Agency that my answer isn’t going to change just because they send three pretty faces to do their dirty work.” He glanced at Rory. “Even if one of those faces belongs to someone who is  _ exactly  _ my type . ” 

 

“I’m flattered. Really,” Rory said. “But I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.” 

 

“And you.” Jack swiveled to face River before anyone else could get a word in. “Do you know the risk you’re taking, hanging out with your parents before they’ve even had you? Has the Agency gotten so pathetic that they don’t even warn you about this kind of stuff anymore?” 

 

River laid a hand on his arm. “Jack, honey, listen. I’m not with the Time Agency. I’m more...freelance.” 

 

“Really?” His eyes narrowed, but he seemed to decide she was telling the truth. “Well, that makes me like you better. I’ve got no use for them after they went mucking around in my head.” 

 

“If it helps any, the Agency has fallen on rather hard times since then. They no longer receive official funding. And vortex manipulators have become strictly black market commodities.”

 

“But you have one.” Jack grinned, his demeanor relaxing a bit. “Oh, I do like you now. I like you a  _ lot _ .” 

 

“Aw, thank you, honey.” 

 

“Sorry,  _ what _ is this Time Agency?” Rory asked.

 

“Really? You don’t know?” Jack looked at River. “How could you know and your parents not?” 

 

“Oh, that gets complicated,” Amy said. “You really want an answer to that?” 

 

“Sure, why not?” Jack said.

 

Amy turned to River. “Do you  _ want _ him to know?” 

 

River smiled. “It’s fine, Mum.” She looked at Jack. “I’m from the future. They’re not.” 

 

Jack stared at her. “Uh, I might need a little more than that.” 

 

“River’s our daughter but due to, uh, circumstances she’s not totally human. She was taken from us as a baby. She escaped and found us, but we were still kids when she found us, so we all grew up together.” Amy shrugged. “She really did call me Mum when we were kids. I always thought it was a joke. Turns out, not so much.” 

 

“And you ended up in the future...how?” Jack asked River. 

 

“That’s a longer story,” River said. 

 

“I’m listening,” Jack said.

 

“We needed to get her to the best hospital in the universe,” Rory said. “We had a friend who could do that. She stayed on in that time period after she got better and visits us when she can.” 

 

Jack’s eyes lit with understanding. “The Sisters?”

 

“Of course,” River answered. 

 

“That’s a good friend,” Jack said. “This friend have a name?”

 

River grinned. “Oh, you know his name, Captain. I can see on your face that you’ve figured it out.”

 

“He knows the Doctor?” Rory asked.

 

Jack relaxed completely. “Yep. Long time now. He still that pretty boy with the spiky hair?” 

 

“Oh, I’ve met your pretty boy,” River said. “But no, our Doctor wears a bowtie.” 

 

“A bowtie!” Jack barked with laughter. “Oh, that’s rich. You should bring him by sometime.”

 

“Can’t,” River said. “I’ve already met his next incarnation, who didn’t know you and I knew each other.”

 

Jack and Amy both spoke at the same time. 

 

“You’ve met the next him?” Amy sounded wounded.

 

“How did you know we knew each other? We just met!” Jack protested

 

Rory dropped his head to the table. “Why is it always complicated?”

 

River patted her father’s shoulder. “Don’t worry, Dad, it all makes sense eventually. And yes, Mum, I’ve met a couple of future versions of the Doctor. He’s still the Doctor, just as I told you on the Byzantium. And Jack, I can’t tell you yet how I know you. Because if this is the first time you’ve met me, you haven’t done it yet.”

 

Rory groaned. “Oh, no, that again? River, can you not do  _ anything _ in the right order?”

 

“Now where would be the fun in that?” 

 

They spent the rest of the evening swapping Doctor stories, but Amy and Rory eventually wanted to return to their hotel room. “We have to catch the train home in the morning,” Rory said. “You coming back with us, River?” 

 

River was torn. This was her last. She wanted to go with them, extend the time as long as possible, but--

 

Eventually it would end, no matter what she did. And she needed to talk with Jack now, because she might not get another chance.  _ Everything has its time, and everything ends _ , she reminded herself firmly. And really, she’d said her goodbyes to her parents and they’d said theirs to her. Time to let go. “I’ll walk you out and say good night.” She batted her lashes at Jack. “Don’t run off on me, honey. Be back in a mo.”

 

“Oh, I’ll definitely be right here.” Jack leered, and Rory groaned again. 

 

They convened outside. “Thanks for coming with us, River. Everything’s more fun with you.” Amy gave her a quick hug and a kiss. “Now, before we go, you want to tell us what’s been bothering you this whole time?”

 

River blinked in surprise. “What?”

 

“Oh, come on,” Rory said. “We’ve known you since we were kids. You think we don’t know when something’s wrong? You don’t want to talk, fine, but don’t think we don’t notice it.” 

 

Oh, she’d miss this. She felt it knife her in the ribs, just how much she’d miss this. She hugged each of them one last time. “I love you both, so much. I wish I could tell you, but--well, spoilers. That’s really all I can say.” 

 

“Right.” Rory heaved a mighty sigh. “I kind of hate that aspect of our relationship, just so you know. But I love  _ you _ , so I guess it all works out.” He kissed the top of her head. “We’ll see you.”

 

“Bye, River!” Amy waved as they walked off. 

 

River closed her eyes and drew a deep, shaky breath before heading back inside to rejoin Jack. 

  
“Hey, you all right?” Jack wrapped an arm around her. 

 

“No, I’m really not. And Jack, I hate to ask, but--I need a favor.” 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kept the note to the end on this one--wanted to avoid giving out too many spoilers! If you expected Darillium this chapter, I hope I didn't disappoint you too much. That WILL come next chapter. 
> 
> River meeting Jack has been moved around in my outline SO MANY times. First I had it in the chapter with Twelve and Clara. Then I tried it when River was doing missions for the Church. I just couldn't get it to work. Finally I realized that it had to be a post-Manhattan River--she had to KNOW the dangers of getting in and out of New York, even with a vortex manipulator. If she doesn't know the risk, she can't work around them.
> 
> I didn't intend to have River see Amy and Rory again after Manhattan. A clean break, just as if they'd suddenly died. But then I realized River's life doesn't work like that. It's a jumbled up, out-of-order mess. So...this happened. I hope you're all okay with it.


	24. Chapter Twenty-Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And...we reach Darillium. *sniffles* 
> 
> I've read tons of Darillium fics. Most are heavy on either angst or smut (both appropriate, given the circumstances). But I, uh...I can't really write either one all that well. So you kind of get bittersweet. Hope you enjoy anyway. 
> 
> Spoilers for the mini ep "Last Night."
> 
> P.S. Merry Christmas to all River fans!!!!! We get River and Twelve for Christmas!!!!!

Chapter Twenty-Four

 

River helped Jack and his Torchwood team deal with the renegade pulse pistol-wielder. She also tracked down a cure for an off-world ‘flu from the Cigar Galaxy that had been affecting the locals of Cardiff.

 

Jack didn’t ask her to do either, but she felt she owed him for his willingness to rescue her brother and her younger self from Kovarian and the Silence in 1977 New Jersey. 

 

“I know it  _ can _ be done, because you did it. But you know as well as I do that isn’t a guarantee,” she told him. “Getting in and out of Manhattan is dangerous. It’s a lot to ask, Jack; I know that.”

 

“Just set the coordinates, and let’s go. Don’t worry about a thing.” 

 

She handed him a spare vortex manipulator and off they went. 

 

And then it was done. River closed her eyes and sagged briefly against Jack in relief. He hugged her tightly. “Hey. It’s okay. We did it. She’ll be fine. She  _ is _ fine.” 

 

“I know. Thank you.” 

 

And then Jack went above and beyond. He took another trip into Manhattan...this time to January 1970. He found little Melody in that back alley. Then he went to late 1969 to let Rory know where and when he would need to show up. 

 

The last piece of the puzzle. River buried her face in Jack’s chest and clung to him in gratitude.

 

All of her errands complete, River returned to Luna to make her final preparations for the Library expedition. 

 

She’d almost finished when she heard the TARDIS wheeze. 

 

She opened the door, wondering which Doctor she’d get this time. To her surprise, it was the same one who’d left her recently. She could still see the loss of her parents in his eyes. 

 

But he was in a full tuxedo. He’d even cut his hair. He was wearing a top hat--the only hat she’d ever let him leave on his head. “Well, hel- _ lo _ , sweetie. What’s the occasion? Did I miss an anniversary of some sort?”

 

“Not at all, dear!” He tried to dance gracefully across the threshold--and nearly ended up on his face. “But go get changed. We’re going to Darillium!”

 

River squealed and hugged him. “Oh, sweetie! Really?”

 

“Of course. Told you I’d take you. Just wanted to do it up right.”

 

How like him to make a big production of it. The old softie. She beamed at him. 

 

And because he was being so sweet, she decided to wear the dress he’d picked out for their honeymoon all those years ago. They could really make an occasion of it before she left with disagreeable Mr. Lux.

 

The Doctor chattered the whole flight--the history of the Singing Towers, the science behind their music, the cultural contributions of Darillium society. All things she knew. All things he knew she knew. He might mock archaeology, but he knew she was good at it. She frowned.  “Honey, are you all right?”

 

He beamed. “‘Course I’m all right! Oh, we’re here. Well, not here as in Singing Towers--here as in Calderon Beta. I, uh--well, I thought we could come here first.” 

 

River tilted her head and regarded him briefly then shrugged. “Okay. Calderon Beta then. Same night, I presume?” 

 

“Of course!” He beamed again. 

 

What in the worlds was wrong with him?

 

But she couldn’t say she minded going back to the beginning. The stars were just as beautiful and brilliant. The chips were just hot and delicious. And the passion between them blazed hotter than ever--and was no longer terrifying in its newness. 

 

But the Doctor still seemed somewhat distant. River eyed him. She knew he still missed her mother; she did as well. But something else seemed to be going on here--some new layer to the grief. 

 

She got distracted by her own thoughts and wandered into the TARDIS ahead of the Doctor.

 

Or she thought she had. But there was a Doctor already here. He was dressed differently to her date tonight, and her dress hung nearby. River stared in surprise. “You nostalgic idiot. You just can’t keep away, can you? Doctor, why have you brought another one of these? Who else is here?”

 

Then things got bizarre. “River, could you just check the light on top? I think the bulb needs changing.”

 

Why should she be the one to check the bulb? Ridiculous man. She rolled her eyes and moved off to do his bidding. 

 

As she expected, the light was fine. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she told the Doctor when she returned to the console room. 

 

Her Doctor burst through the door. “No, River, wrong TARDIS. I’m parked round the back.” He indicated his other self. “Younger version.” 

 

Oh, now  _ this  _ had possibilities. “Two of you! The mind races, does it not?” 

 

Her Doctor tried to shoo her out the door. “Come on, we’ll be late.” 

 

“He’s taking me to the Singing Towers of Darillium. He’s been promising for ages,” River told the younger Doctor. She would’ve liked to stay longer--two Doctors together would be  _ so _ much fun--but she knew she really shouldn’t leave two versions of him in the same room for long. She headed to where her Doctor’s TARDIS should be. 

 

It was a few moments before he joined her, intertwining his fingers with hers. “Really, dear, you shouldn’t  _ do _ things like that. You know I’m not supposed to cross my own timeline. Interacting with myself gets sticky.”

 

“Well,  you’re the one who wanted to come here. You knew younger you would be here as well!” 

 

“Mm, yes. You’re right, you know; I  _ am _ a nostalgic idiot. Our marriage began here, River--is it any wonder I wanted to come back?” He squeezed her hand. “Do you remember that night? Asking me about whom I was talking to? I told you it was you. It was you twice over, actually.” 

 

She laughed at her younger self, so insecure about where she stood with him. “Well, you can’t blame a girl for not wanting to share.” 

 

“Mm, no, I suppose not. Can’t say I like it much when you start flirting with someone else. I don’t like to share either.” He pressed a quick kiss to her temple. “Now, come on...Darillium awaits!” 

 

River grinned, still hardly able to believe they were actually going. She should have known the Doctor would make it an  _ event _ . 

 

The Doctor timed it perfectly, and they arrived well before the singing would start. He spread a picnic blanket in a secluded spot near the Towers and began pulling items from a picnic basket. “I brought all our favorites!” He beamed. 

 

“Goodness, sweetie, you really are on a nostalgia tour.” River shook her head. “ _ What _ is going on with you?” 

 

“Just trying to impress you. Have I succeeded yet?” 

 

River patted his chest. “You don’t need to impress me, honey."

 

"I know, but I wanted to do something special--to give you something special. I want you to know how much you mean to me, River." 

 

“Doctor, we settled all this at Asgard.” 

 

He wrapped an arm around her and pulled her to him. “I know, but...I just wanted to do this for you, okay?”

 

He kissed her then, pulling her half onto his lap. His lips trailed down her neck and burnt a blazing path along her collarbone. She gave a throaty moan as he lowered her back on the blanket. 

 

It was the same as all the times before and yet--not. There was something else there, something River couldn’t quite put her finger on. She’d always felt treasured and adored beneath the Doctor’s mouth and hands, but this was something more. He was almost worshipful. 

 

And then she realized he was crying. “Seriously, my love,  _ what _ is going on with you?” She pulled him to her, almost cradling him as he wept. “Should we go? I don’t have to hear the Towers sing.”

 

“No, no, It’s fine, I’m fine. I just  _ love _ you, RIver. I know you meet younger versions of me who are scared and stupid and they treat you horribly. Then we lost your parents and  _ this _ me treated you horribly. And I’m sorry. I’d go back and change it if I could. But I love you, and I need you to know that. I don’t want you...to have any regrets.”

 

“I do know that. I’ve always known that. Look at me, my love.” She cupped his face in her hands. “I  _ know _ . I don’t hold any of those times against you. And I don’t regret a single thing.” 

 

“I don’t deserve you,” he mumbled into her hair. 

 

“Sweetie, I think we can both be very glad we don’t get what we deserve, hmm?” 

 

He nodded, sniffling a bit. And then the both fell silent, for the Towers had begun their song.

 

The Singing Towers of Darillium were famous for being the most beautiful music in the known universe. But they were also famous because the music itself was multi-sensory. It took on shape and color and texture and scent. One didn’t just  _ hear _ the Towers’ song; one felt it and saw it and tasted it and smelled it. It was an  _ experience _ .

 

River was awed by it. 

 

She snuggled close to the Doctor, just taking it all in. Nothing she’d read about the Towers in her studies prepared her for actually being here. And she’d never be able to explain it or describe to anyone to ever do it justice. It was  _ amazing _ .

 

The song ended, and River gave the Doctor a slow, lingering kiss. “Thank you, sweetie. I’ve always wanted to come here, and I’m so glad I got to do so with you.”

 

He smiled, but she realized he was crying again. “Me too.” 

 

“Doctor?”

 

He ignored her question. “I have something for you, dear.” He reached into his pocket and handed her a neatly wrapped item. 

 

Clearly he hadn’t wrapped it himself. 

 

She opened it, and her jaw dropped. “Why are you going me your sonic screwdriver?”

 

“I’m not. That’s  _ your _ sonic screwdriver, River. I want you to have it.” He shrugged, blinking away the last of his tears. “Might come in handy on all these expeditions you’ve been doing lately.” 

 

“Indeed,” River said, thinking of a few times it would have been helpful to have. “Thank you. You sure I haven’t missed an anniversary?”

 

The Doctor shook his head. “No. I just need to fuss over you more often, I think. My spoiling you shouldn’t be such a shock.”

 

She laughed. “You’d probably drive both of us crazy doing that.”

 

They headed back to the TARDIS. The Doctor didn’t even protest taking her straight back to Luna this time. She eyed him in concern. “You want to come along on the Library expedition? I could probably use your help.”

 

The Doctor got a distant look in his eyes. “No, I--I think I’ll visit Vastra and Jenny and Strax, actually. But you know you can call me if you need me.”

 

She chuckled and gave him a quick goodbye kiss. “Sure, but which you will I get? All right then. Tell them hello for me. I’ll try to get round to see them soon.”

 

  
“They’d like that, I’m sure,” the Doctor said. He disappeared inside the TARDIS and was gone. 


	25. Chapter Twenty-Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A million apologies. I never dreamed it would take this long to write this chapter. But it did, and I'm sorry. 
> 
> I would say I hope you enjoy it, but this is Silence in the Library, so that would just be mean.
> 
> Un-beta'd, so please forgive my stupid typos. I try and try to catch them all, but I always miss some. Feel free to point them out, and I'll fix them.

Chapter Twenty-Five

 

During the visit to the Dupondian spa, one of the stylists had dyed River’s hair a lovely reddish hue. 

 

The Doctor had pitched an absolute  fit when he saw it. River tried to calm him down for days and finally just gave up and changed her hair back to its natural color with a box of hair dye she conveniently found in the TARDIS.

 

But as she finished her last minute preparations for the expedition, River decided that she wanted the red back. She missed her mum, and this seemed like a nice tribute. 

 

She ended up with a sort of strawberry blond shade that she liked quite a lot. She wished Amy could be here to see it; her mother would have  loved  it. 

 

There. Now she was ready to head off to the Library. 

 

She still didn’t like Mr. Lux much, but at least the man had helped her put together a good team. River liked them all--especially Anita. She and Anita hit off immediately. 

 

It took four days to get to the Library. It might have been shorter if they hadn’t had to go back for Miss Evangelista--twice. Poor dear. 

 

But they did finally make it and were now preparing to head down to the planet itself. River frowned at the scans. No humanoid lifeforms at all. No surprises there; Mr. Lux said the final message was “No survivors.” But when she changed to scanning for  any life form, it couldn’t even calculate the numbers. 

 

What the hell was in that Library? 

 

River decided they’d need the Doctor.

 

She knew the odds of getting the same Doctor who’d gone to visit Vastra were slim to none. Maybe she’d get a young Doctor, like the Byzantium. It was kind of fun flirting and dropping hints and doing her best to intrigue him. 

 

She fired off a message to his psychic paper, the coordinates designed to get him there a few minutes before they did, and finished her final tasks.  “All right, everyone ready now?” she asked her team. 

 

They were. 

 

Down to the planet they went. 

 

And the Doctor was already there. Ohhh, it was the Pretty Boy Doctor. Well, he was good fun too. They’d gotten along just fine the couple of times they’d met. And maybe it was even the older Pretty Boy; that would be even  more  fun. She opened her visor. “Hello, sweetie.” 

 

“Get out.” His tone was angry, fierce, demanding to be obeyed. Whatever those life forms were must be dangerous. His companion tried to stop him, but he went on, “All of you, turn around, get back in your rocket, and fly away! Tell your grandchildren you came to the Library and lived. They won't believe you.” 

 

Oh, whatever. She’d never run from danger in her life, and the Doctor knew it. What he might not know was that she was confident in this team. “Pop your helmets, everyone. We got breathers.” 

 

Apparently her team didn’t quite share her faith. “How do you know they’re not androids?” Anita asked.

 

River kept her tone breezy. “'Cause I've dated androids. They're rubbish.” She tried to see if there was a glimmer of jealousy from the Doctor. Even young, he usually reacted when she mentioned someone else.

 

But she never got a chance to see if the Doctor responded, because Lux spoke up, clearly peeved. “Who is this? You said we were the only expedition. I paid for exclusives.”

 

Ridiculous man. Like the Library sealing itself off was going to go unnoticed by the universe at large. “I lied. I'm always lying. Bound to be others.”

  
Lux began asking Miss Evangelista about the contracts, so River took the opportunity to ask the Doctor what he’d already learned. “You came through the north door, yeah? How was that, much damage?”

 

The Doctor decided to be difficult instead. “Please, just leave. I'm asking you seriously and properly, just leave--” He cut himself off abruptly. “Hang on, did you say ‘expedition’?”

 

“ My expedition,” Lux insisted. “I funded it.” 

 

And finally River got her reaction from the Doctor. “Oh, you're not, are you? Tell me you're not archaeologists.” 

 

There’s my Doctor , she thought fondly. She knew this game. “Got a problem with archaeologists?”

 

“I'm a time traveller. I point and laugh at archaeologists.” 

 

She grinned at the familiar line and held out her hand. “Ah. Professor River Song, archaeologist.”

 

The Doctor shook her hand, just as he’d done those times they’d pretended not to know each other. “River Song, lovely name. As you're leaving--and you're leaving now--you need to send up a quarantine beacon. Code-wall the planet, the whole planet. Nobody comes here, not ever again. Not one living thing, not here, not ever!” 

 

He couldn’t possibly expect her to leave now. He surely knew her better than that! And she’d already indicated that he could trust the team. What was the matter with him? 

 

Anita moved, and the Doctor began barking orders. “Not a foot, not a finger in the shadows till you're safely back in your ship. Goes for all of you. Stay in the light! Find a nice bright spot and just stand. If you understand me, look very scared.” Apparently none of their expressions suited him. “No...a bit more scared than that.” He finally gave up. “Okay, do for now.”

 

He had a short conversation with Other Dave about the level of darkness the way they had come in. “Seal up this door. We'll find another way out.”

 

Lux wasn’t interested in a way out. He  was  interested in the Doctor and his companion signing his stupid contracts. “Right. Give it here,” the Doctor said. He and his companion each took one and promptly ripped it in two and tossed it aside.

 

River swallowed her laughter as Lux ranted. “You have a mouth that won’t stop,” she said to him. She turned to the Doctor. “You think there's danger here?” She needed him to let her into the loop, share what he knew.

 

“Something came to this library and killed everything in it. Killed a whole world. Danger? Could be.”

 

He still wasn’t telling her everything. She pressed, “That was a hundred years ago. The Library's been silent for a hundred years. Whatever came here is long dead.”

 

“Bet your life?” 

 

She eyed him, trying to decide if he was scoffing or flirting. The two sounded remarkably the same with him. “Always.” 

 

Lux was complaining again, this time about why Other Dave was following the Doctor’s orders, and River bit back another laugh. Poor man. He’d never been in charge here, but apparently he was going to have a rough time coming to terms with that. 

 

The Doctor finally launched into explanation mode. “Almost every species in the universe has an irrational fear of the dark. But they're wrong--'cause it's not irrational. It's Vashta Nerada.” 

 

“What’s Vashta Nerada?” his companion asked. 

 

“It's what's in the dark. It's what's always in the dark. Lights! That's what we need--lights!” He tossed Lux a torch. “You got lights? Form a circle, safe area, big as you can, lights pointing out.”

 

River told Anita to do as he said, which further distressed Lux. “You're not listening to this man?”

 

“Apparently, I am. Anita, unpack the lights. Other Dave, make sure the door is secure then help Anita. Mr Lux, put your helmet back on, block the visor. Proper Dave, find an archive terminal. I want you to access the Library database, see what you can find about what happened a hundred years ago. Pretty Boy, you're with me. Step into my office.” She walked over to a desk with a terminal. Time to figure out just exactly where this Doctor was in their timeline. 

 

“Professor Song, why am I the only one wearing my helmet?” Lux asked.

 

Ugh, she wished he’d be quiet for five minutes. “I don't fancy you.” She might be broad-minded in her sexual preferences, but that didn’t include the likes of him. She waited for the Doctor to join her and finally realized he wasn’t. “Pretty Boy, with me I said!” 

 

And the poor idiot seemed surprised that  _ he _ was Pretty Boy. Honestly. How young was this Doctor? Or was his pretending just  _ that _ good? 

 

Remembering the previous time he’d acted like he didn’t know her, she knew the latter was well within the realm of possibility. Smiling to herself, she got to work.

 

A couple of minutes later, she heard the Doctor clear his throat. “Thanks,” she said.

 

“For what?” He sounded genuinely surprised. 

 

She began to feel uneasy. There was no one to pretend for over here. “The usual. For coming when I call.”

 

“That was you?” 

 

She fought the urge to roll her eyes. Who else would it be? “You're doing a very good job, acting like you don't know me. I'm assuming there's a reason.” There, his cue to break character finally and let her figure out where they were. 

 

“A fairly good one actually,” he said. 

 

Relief flooded through her. This was just another case of him needing to keep their relationship a secret. She’d suspected as much, but it was nice to have it confirmed. “Okay, shall we do diaries then? Where are we this time? Going by your face, I'd say it's early days for you, yeah?” Although she supposed it still could be that older Doctor. “So, um...crash of the Byzantium, have we done that yet?” He stared at her blankly. No, this was definitely the young Pretty Boy. She flipped through the diary. “All right, um...oh...picnic at Asgard. Have we done Asgard yet?” He’d been so jumpy and nervous then--surely that was early enough. But still the Doctor showed no sign of recognition. “Obviously not. Blimey, very early days, then. Huh, life with a time traveller--never knew it could be such hard work. Um…” What could be earlier than Asgard? 

 

She looked at him.  Really looked at him. “Look at you. You're young.”

 

“I’m really not, you know.” 

 

“No, but you are.” She put a hand on his face. “Your eyes...you’re younger than I’ve ever seen you.”

 

“You've seen me before, then?”

 

And just like that, the bottom dropped out of her world.  _ It couldn’t be... _ “Doctor...please tell me you know who I am.” 

 

“Who are you?”

 

Swallowing hard--now was  not the time to break down--River removed her hand.  _ Hide the damage, hide the damage… _

 

She’d known, of course. She’d always known that this day was coming. At some point she was going to meet a Doctor who had never met her. 

 

But she’d always thought it would be a random meeting--something like the Bone Meadows or that information kiosk in the Sunflower Galaxy. The two of them just bumping into each other by chance.

 

She’d never dreamed that a Doctor who didn’t know her would respond to one of her messages.  Why would he do that? 

 

Because he was the Doctor, that’s why. He’d never turn down a request for help--or a mystery.

 

She  really should’ve known. 

 

Well, she’d get drunk and shoot things and vent all her feelings just as soon as they’d gotten everyone out of here. Then she’d track down her husband and shag him on the TARDIS console. Twice. 

 

For now, she had a job to do. 

 

Proper Dave was trying to break through the security protocols of the data core. The Doctor took over and managed to get a response of sorts. He seemed to be talking with a young girl. He asked to speak to her mum or dad, and suddenly she said, “I know you. You were in my library.”

 

The Doctor was startled. “Your library?”

 

“The Library's never been on television before. What have you done?”

 

The Doctor stammered in response then jerked back from the terminal as the connection ended. 

 

“What happened? Who was that?” River asked. The Doctor didn’t answer, just kept trying to reestablish the connection.  “Access Denied” was the only result for his efforts. 

 

He wasn’t ready to give up though. “Keep working on those lights! We need lights!” He moved to another monitor.

 

Well, this could handle. “You heard him, people. Let there be light.”

 

As he worked, the Doctor’s gaze wandered to River’s diary. Her eyes narrowed, and she walked over to him just as he picked it up. She plucked it from his hand. “Sorry. You're not allowed to see inside the book. It's against the rules.”

 

“What rules?” The Doctor had never had been one to obey keep out signs.

 

“Your rules.” She walked away. 

 

***

 

Books were flying off the shelves. Was the Vashta Nerada, whatever it was, actually throwing books at them? Seemed too crazy to even contemplate. But maybe River’s brain wasn’t quite in top form today. That was a definite possibility. More books came flying, and Miss Evangelista whimpered. “What's causing that? Is it the little girl?” River asked. 

 

“Well, who is the little girl? What's she got to do with this place?” the Doctor said. “How does the data core work? What's the principle? What's CAL?”

 

“Ask Mr. Lux.” Although River knew he wouldn’t answer.

 

It didn’t stop the Doctor from trying. “CAL. What is it?” 

 

Lux’s response was predictable. “I'm sorry. You didn't sign your personal experience contracts.”

 

The Doctor jumped down from the desk where he’d been sitting. “Mr Lux, right now, you're in more danger than you've ever been in your whole life. And you're protecting a patent?”

 

“I'm protecting my family's pride.” River could almost respect the fierceness of Lux’s tone. 

 

“Funny thing, Mr Lux, I don't wanna see everyone in this room dead because some idiot thinks his pride is more important,” the Doctor said. 

 

Now River was amused. “Then why didn't you sign his contract?” The Doctor stared at her. “I didn't either. I'm getting worse than you.”

 

“Okay, okay, okay. Let's start it again. What happened here? On the actual day a hundred years ago, what physically happened?”

 

“There was a message from the Library. Just one,” River said. “’The lights are going out.’ Then the computer sealed the planet, and there was nothing for a hundred years.”

 

“It's taken three generations of my family just to decode the seals and get back here,” Lux added.

 

Miss Evangelista tried to interrupt, but Lux waved her off, so River continued. “There was one other thing in the last message.”

 

Lux protested. “That's confidential.”

 

“I trust this man with my life...with everything,” River said. 

 

“You’ve only just met him!”

 

“Nope. He's only just met me.” 

 

Lux dismissed another of Miss Evangelista’s attempts to cut in, so River showed the Doctor a data file. “This is a data extract that came with the message.”

 

The Doctor read it aloud. “4022 saved. No survivors." 

 

“4022--that's the exact number of people who were in the Library when the planet was sealed,” River said. 

 

“But how can 4022 people be saved if there were no survivors?” the Doctor’s companion asked.

 

“That's what we're here to find out,” River said.

 

“So far what we haven't found are any bodies,” Lux said. 

 

Miss Evangelista screamed then, and they all went running. “Everybody careful. Stay in the light,” the Doctor said as they passed a skeleton stripped of all its flesh.

 

Proper Dave grumbled. “You keep saying that. I don't see the point.”

 

The Doctor asked where Miss Evangelista was, and River picked up her comm. “Miss Evangelista, please state your current--” She dropped off abruptly, hearing the echo. 

 

The Doctor pointed the beam of his torch at the skeleton. River walked toward, her heart sinking to her knees.  Please, no, it can’t be … “Please state your current position.” She knelt by the skeleton and pulled back the broken collar to reveal the green lights of the comm device. “It’s her. It’s Miss Evangelista.” The poor girl. She’d never even had a chance.

 

Anita said, “We heard her scream a few seconds ago. What could do that to a person in a few seconds?”

 

“It took less than a few seconds,” the Doctor said. 

 

Miss Evangelista’s voice came over the comm. “I'm sorry, everyone,” River said. “This isn't going to be pleasant. She's ghosting.”

 

“She’s what?” the Doctor’s companion asked. Another 21st century Earth girl, probably. 

 

Proper Dave wasn’t a 21st century Earth girl and knew what would be coming. “I don't wanna sound horrible, but couldn't we just...you know…”

 

River sympathized but stood firm. “This is her last moment...no, we can't. A little respect, thank you.” 

 

“But that’s Miss Evangelista!” the companion protested.

 

“It's a data ghost. She'll be gone in a moment.” River spoke into her comm. “Miss Evangelista, you're fine. Just relax; we'll be with you presently.”

 

The Doctor patiently explained data ghosting to his friend, with a bit of help from Proper Dave. 

 

And then Miss Evangelista asked for “the nice woman.” Apparently the Doctor had picked another good one, and the girl had made quite the impression on Lux’s assistant. 

 

River was glad. She’d laughed with the others both times when they had to go back for Miss Evangelista, and she’d gone along with Lux when he ignored her earlier. At least Miss Evangelista had enjoyed a few moments of kindness from the Doctor’s co-traveler. 

 

The indicators on the relay began to flash, and Miss Evangelista began repeating herself--much to the dismay of the poor companion. “She's looping now. The pattern's degrading.” River stepped forward. “Does anybody mind if I…” She switched off the relay. 

 

“That was...that was horrible. That was the most horrible thing I've ever seen.” The companion was shaken. The Doctor laid a comforting hand on her shoulder.

 

“No.” River held the comm. “Just a freak of technology.” She pocketed the comm. “But whatever did this to her, whatever killed her, I'd like a word with that.” 

 

“I’ll introduce you,” the Doctor said. They headed back to the reading room. “I’m gonna need a packed lunch.” 

 

“Hang on.” River went to her pack.

 

The Doctor knelt beside her. “What’s in that book?”

 

_ Our life _ . “Spoilers.” 

 

“Who are you?” he persisted.

 

“Professor River Song, University of--”

 

He cut her off. “To me. Who are you to me?” 

 

“Again, spoilers.” She held out a metal box. “Chicken and a bit of salad. Knock yourself out.”

 

The Doctor took the box. “Right, you lot! Let's all meet the Vashta Nerada.”

 

***

 

River watched as the Doctor scanned shadows with his sonic. His companion stood next to her. Figuring she might as well learn the girl’s name, River said, “You travel with him, don't you?”

 

“What of it?” Ooh, a feisty one. “You know him, don't you?”

 

What an understatement. “Do I know that man. We go way back, that man and me...just not this far back.” 

 

“I’m sorry, what?” the girl said. 

 

“He hasn't met me yet. I sent him a message but it went wrong. It arrived too early. This is the Doctor in the days before he knew me. And he looks at me...he looks right through me, and it shouldn't kill me, but it does.” 

 

The girl stared at her. “What are you talking about? Are you talking rubbish? Do you know him, or don't you?”

 

“Donna! Quiet, I'm working,” the Doctor said.

 

“Sorry,” the girl replied. 

 

_ Donna _ . River stared. For the love of all things holy, she was meeting  _ Donna Noble _ . “Donna. You're Donna. Donna Noble.” 

 

“Yeah. Why?”

 

Donna deserved the best explanation River could give her. “I do know the Doctor, but in the future--his personal future.”

 

“So why don't you know me? Where am I in the future?” 

 

River might have told her, might have given her the barest hint, but the Doctor interrupted. “Okay, got a live one! That's not darkness down those corridors. This”--he pointed--”is not a shadow. It's a swarm.” He picked up the lunch. “A man-eating swarm.” He threw  a chicken leg at the shadow, and it was stripped of flesh before it hit the floor. “They're piranhas of the air. The Vashta Nerada--literally ‘the shadows that melt the flesh.’ Most planets will have them but usually in small clusters. I've never seen an infestation on this scale--or as aggressive.”

 

“What do you mean, ‘most planets?’ Not Earth,” Donna said.

 

“Mm, Earth and a billion other worlds. Where there's meat, there's Vashta Nerada. You can see them sometimes if you look. Dust in sunbeams.”

 

Donna wasn’t having it. “If they were on Earth, we'd know.”

 

“Nah. Normally they live on roadkill. But sometimes people go missing. Not everyone comes back out of the dark.” 

 

“Every shadow?” River asked. 

 

“No, but any shadow.”

 

Okay, down to business. “So what do we do?”

 

“Daleks, aim for the eyestalk. Sontarans, back of the neck. Vashta Nerada...run. Just run,” the Doctor said. 

 

That was less than helpful. “Run? Run where?” 

 

“This is an index point. There must be an exit teleport somewhere.”

 

“Don't look at me,” Lux said.  “I haven't memorized the schematics.” 

 

He wasn’t all that helpful either.

 

Donna ended up being the helpful one. “Doctor, the little shop. They always make you go through the little shop on the way out so they can sell you stuff.”

 

And Donna was right and the Doctor was ecstatic, but it was short-lived.

 

Proper Dave had two shadows.

 

He would be the Vashta Nerada’s next victim. 

 

“We're not leaving you, Dave,” River assured him. 

 

“'Course we're not leaving you. Where's your helmet? Don't point, just tell me,” the Doctor said. 

 

Anita handed Dave’s helmet to the Doctor. “Thanks. Now, the rest of you, helmets back on and sealed up.” He put Proper Dave’s helmet on for him. ”We'll need everything we've got.” 

 

Lux protested that the suits were useless--they hadn’t helped Miss Evangelista at all. But River had a thought. “We can increase the mesh density. Dial it up to 400%. Make it a tougher meal.”

 

The Doctor used his sonic on Proper Dave’s suit. “800% Pass it on.” He started to hand the screwdriver to River. 

 

They could do it faster if they both worked on it. She pulled out her own screwdriver-- _ thank you, sweetie _ \--and got busy. 

 

“What’s that?” the Doctor asked.

 

“It’s a screwdriver.”

 

“It’s sonic!” 

 

“Yeah, I know. Snap!” She moved on to the others’ suits. 

 

The Doctor pulled Donna away and returned alone. Proper Dave had only one shadow now. “Does this mean we can leave?” River asked.  “I don't want to hang around here.”

 

But all too soon it became clear that Dave wasn’t safe, and the Vashta Nerada had gotten him too. He started repeating, “Who turned out the lights?” He tried to choke the Doctor. River used the sonic and forced him to let go. The Doctor scrambled away.

 

Dave lumbered after them. “Doesn't move very fast, does it?” River asked. 

 

“It’s a swarm in a suit,” the Doctor said. “But it’s learning.” 

 

River used her squareness gun to blast a hole in the wall for their escape. “Everybody out! Go, go, go! Move it! Move, move! Move it! Move, move!”

 

They paused to catch their breath, and the Doctor tried to boost the power to the lights. “Light doesn't stop them, but it slows them down.”

 

“So what’s the plan?” River asked. “Do we have a plan?” She used her screwdriver to boost the light.

 

“Your screwdriver looks exactly like mine,” he said. 

 

“Yeah. You gave it to me.” 

 

“I don’t give my screwdriver to anyone.”

 

And that summed up their whole relationship, didn’t it? “I’m not anyone.” 

 

“Who are you?” the Doctor asked again.

 

“What’s the plan?” River repeated.  _ Focus, Doctor. _

 

“I teleported Donna back to the TARDIS. If we don't get back there in under five hours, Emergency Programme One will activate.”

 

 

“Take her home, yeah.” River raised her voice to the others. “We need to get a shift on!”

 

The Doctor realized he should’ve been notified that Donna had reached the TARDIS. He frowned in concern at his sonic. 

 

“Maybe the coordinates have slipped. The equipment here is ancient,” River said. She knew Donna’s ending, and it wasn’t here.

 

But the Doctor didn’t know that, and he ran frantically to one of the nodes. 

 

And the node had Donna’s face. “Donna Noble has left the Library. Donna Noble has been saved.” 

 

The Doctor was horrified. 

 

“How can it be Donna? How is that possible?” River wondered. 

 

But she didn’t have time to wonder long. Proper Dave had caught up with them. “Hey! Who turned out the lights?”

 

The Doctor stood frozen, staring at the Donna node. River grabbed him, dragging him along with her. But they reached a dead end. “Doctor, what are we going to do?”

 

The Doctor still seemed lost in his grief as the words echoed around them over and over. “Donna Noble has left the Library. Donna Noble has been saved.”

 

  
And “Hey, who turned out the lights?”


	26. Chapter Twenty-Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you see the Christmas special? Did you love it? I sure did! It made me cry and smile both--Who at its best.
> 
> This fic is now officially no longer canon compliant, but I'm still going to finish it up. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I still don't own anything.

Chapter Twenty-six

 

All right, so it was up to her to create a way out again. River fired at the wall with the squareness gun. There, they had an exit. “This way! Quickly, move!” They climbed through the wall.

 

It took a couple more times of shooting holes in walls before they arrived at a reading room that seemed safe. “Okay, we’ve got a clear spot! In, in, in!” They scrambled inside. “Right in the centre, in the middle of the light, quickly! Don't let your shadows cross.” She gave the Doctor a couple of minutes to work before saying, “There's no lights here. Sunset's coming. We can't stay long. Have you found a live one?” 

 

“Maybe. It’s getting harder to tell.” The Doctor tapped his sonic. “What's wrong with you?”

 

Buggering hell. “We're gonna need a chicken leg. Who's got a chicken leg?” Other Dave handed one to her. “Thanks, Dave.” River tossed it at a shadow and watched it be stirpped to the bone. “Okay, we got a hot one. Watch your feet.” 

 

The Doctor continued to work checking shadows, while River’s team gathered around her. “Who is he?” Other Dave asked. “You haven't even told us. You just expect us to trust him.”

 

Goodness, was it always this hard for the Doctor to get people to listen to him? She’d never noticed before. “He’s the Doctor.” 

 

“And who is ‘the Doctor?’” Lux wanted to know.

 

“The only story you'll ever tell--if you survive him.” Oops, that might not be the most reassuring thing to say.

 

“You say he's your friend but he doesn't even know who you are,” Anita said.

 

Anita’s tone was of concern, not accusation, so River softened her own reply. “Listen. All you need to know is this: I'd trust that man to the end of the universe. And actually, we've been.” 

 

Anita wasn’t convinced yet. “He doesn't act like he trusts you.” 

 

“Yeah, there's a tiny problem--he hasn't met me yet.” River walked over to the Doctor, who was holding the sonic screwdriver to his ear. “What's wrong with it?”

 

“There's a signal coming from somewhere interfering with it.”

 

Honestly, how young  _ was _ this Doctor? “Use the red settings”

 

“It doesn’t have a red setting.”

 

Too bloody young, obviously. “Well, use the dampers.” 

 

“It doesn’t have dampers.” 

 

Utterly useless device. “It will do one day.” She handed him hers. 

 

He took it and stood. “So some time in the future, I just give you my screwdriver?” 

 

She hid her flinch at his skeptical tone. “Yeah.”

 

“Why would I do that?” 

 

“I didn't pluck it from your cold dead hands if that's what you're worried about.” 

 

“And I know that because... “

 

Hurt gave way to complete exasperation. “Listen to me. You've lost your friend, you're angry. I understand. But you need to be less emotional, Doctor, right now.”

 

“Less emo--I'm not emotional!” 

 

His sputtering reminded her of her Doctor. She bit back her smile; too much was at stake. “There are five people in this room still alive. Focus on that.” She huffed. “You're hard work young!”

 

“Young? Who are you?” 

  
Lux had had enough. “For heaven’s sake!” He stormed over to them. “Look at the pair of you! We're all gonna die right here, and you're just squabbling like an old married couple.”

 

He was right. They didn’t have time for this. And River had always sworn to herself that she would not abuse the trust the Doctor had shown her when he told her his name. But she needed a shortcut, a way for the Doctor to stop questioning her at every turn so they could get on with it. “Doctor...one day I'm going to be someone you trust completely. But I can't wait for you to find that out. So I'm going to prove it to you. And I'm sorry. I'm really...very sorry.” She stepped up to him and whispered in his ear. He stared at her in stunned disbelief. “Are we good?” He didn’t answer, so she tried again. “Doctor...are we good?”

 

“Yeah.” The word came out strangled. “Yeah, we’re good.” 

 

“Good.” She took her screwdriver and walked away, angry with herself that she hadn’t come up with another way to get through to him. 

 

The Doctor went back to checking readings on his screwdriver and babbling to Lux about the moon. River ignored much of the conversation, but she interrupted when a projection of Donna suddenly appeared. “Doctor.” 

 

He spun around. “Donna!” The projection vanished. 

 

“That was her,” River said. “That was your friend. Can you get her back? What was that?”

 

The Doctor went back to his screwdriver. “Hold on, hold on, hold on. I'm trying to find the wavelength. Argh! I'm being blocked!”

 

“Professor…” Anita suddenly said.

 

Not the best time. River was sure the Doctor was on the verge of a breakthrough. “Just a moment.”

 

Anita spoke tearfully. “It's important. I have two shadows.”

 

Oh, no. No, no, no. “Helmets on, everyone. Anita, I'll get yours.” 

 

“Didn’t do Proper Dave any good.”

 

River didn’t want to think about that. “Just keep it together, okay?” 

 

“I'm keeping it together,” Anita said. “I'm only crying. I'm about to die. It's not an overreaction.” 

 

It really wasn’t. But River didn’t want to think about Anita dying. There had to be a way out of this. She put Anita’s helmet on for her. 

 

“Hang on,” the Doctor said. He pointed his sonic at Anita’s helmet, and her visor went dark.

 

Just when River had thought it couldn’t get worse. “They've got inside.”

 

“No, no--I just tinted her visor. Maybe they'll think they're already is there and leave her alone,” the Doctor said.

 

“You think they could be fooled like that?” How lovely it would be if they could be. 

 

“Maybe. I don't know. It's a swarm--it's not like we chat.” 

 

Other Dave asked Anita if she could see, and she responded that she could a bit. The Doctor told her to stay back then spoke to River. “Professor, quick word, please.” He crouched down.

 

River squatted beside him. “What is it?” 

 

“You said there are five people still alive in this room.”

 

“Yeah, so?”    
  


 

“So…” The Doctor dropped his voice to a whisper. “Why are there six?” 

 

They looked to the doorway. Proper Dave had found them. “Hey, who turned out the lights?”

 

###

 

They ran along a raised corridor connecting two buildings. “Professor, go ahead. Find a safe spot,” the Doctor said.

 

_ Oh, you’ve got to be joking.  _ “It's a carnivorous swarm in a suit! You can't reason with it.” 

 

“Five minutes,” he insisted.

 

Oh, fine. “Other Dave, stay with him. Pull him out when he's too stupid to live. Two minutes, Doctor.” 

 

River, Anita, and Lux made it to a reading room. River used her sonic to test the shadows. “You know, it’s funny,” she mused. “I keep wishing the Doctor was here.”

 

“The Doctor is here, isn't he?” Anita asked. “I mean, he's coming back, right?”

 

“You know when you see a photograph of someone you know but it's from years before you met them, and it's like they're not quite...finished, they're-they're not quite done yet? Well...yes, the Doctor's here. He came when I called just like he always does. But not my Doctor. Now, my Doctor…” She trailed off for a moment, remembering all the nights he’d come to whisk her away from Stormcage. All the adventures they’d shared. “I've seen whole armies turn and run away, and he'd just swagger off back to his TARDIS and open the doors with a snap of his fingers. The Doctor...in the TARDIS--next stop: everywhere.” 

 

“Spoilers!” the Doctor’s voice rang out. He walked over to them. “Nobody can open a TARDIS by snapping their fingers. Doesn't work like that.” 

 

“It does for the Doctor,” River said. 

 

“I am the Doctor.” 

 

Not hers though. “Yeah. Some day.” 

 

The Doctor told them Other Dave wasn’t coming, and Anita grew more nervous. “Well, if they've taken him, why haven't they gotten me yet?” 

 

“I don’t know. Maybe tinting the visor's making a difference.” 

 

Anita wasn’t buying it. She cracked a couple of jokes, but she was obviously losing hope that she’d survive this. She asked the Doctor what River had whispered in his ear and promised his secrets would be safe with her since she was pretty much a dead woman walking.

 

Her words were enough for the Doctor to make the final mental connection. “Safe. Safe. You don't say ‘saved.’ Nobody says ‘saved,’ you say ‘safe.’ The data fragment-what did it say?”

 

“4022 people saved. No survivors,” Lux said. 

 

“Doctor?” River asked. He almost had it, she could tell.

 

“Nobody says saved, nutters say saved, you say safe. It didn't mean safe. It literally meant...saved!”

 

The Doctor sat a computer terminal. “See? There it is! Right there! A hundred years ago, massive power surge, all the teleports going at once. Soon as the Vashta Nerada hit their hatching cycle, they attack. Someone hits the alarm, the computer tries to teleport everyone out.” 

 

“It tried to teleport 4022 people?” River said. 

 

“Succeeded. Pulled 'em all out. But then what? Nowhere to send them. Nowhere safe in the whole library with Vashta Nerada growing in every shadow. 4022 people, all beamed up and nowhere to go. They're stuck in the system, waiting to be sent-like emails. So what's a computer to do? What does a computer always do?”

 

Of course. “It saved them.” 

 

The Doctor left the terminal and darted to a table. He shoved the books to the floor so he could draw a diagram on the table surface. “The Library. Whole world of books. And right at the core, the biggest hard drive in history. The index to everything ever written. Backup copies of every single book. The computer saved 4022 people the only way a computer can. It saved them...to the hard drive.” 

 

An alarm began to blare. “What is it?” Lux said. “What's wrong?”

 

“Auto-destruct enabled in twenty minutes,” a computer voice declared. 

 

River stared at a terminal. “What's maximum erasure?”

 

“Twenty minutes, this planet's gonna crack like an egg,” the Doctor replied.

 

“No. No, it's all right. The Doctor Moon'll stop it. It's designed to protect CAL,” Lux said. 

 

Suddenly the terminal shut down. “No, no. No, no, no, no!” The Doctor climbed up so he could open the top with his screwdriver.

 

“All Library systems are permanently offline. Sorry for any inconvenience,” the computer voice said.

 

Now Lux was worried. “We need to stop this. We've gotta save CAL.” 

 

“What is it? What is CAL?” the Doctor asked.

 

River didn’t think Lux would answer, but clearly the man could read the writing on the wall. “We need to get to the main computer. I'll show you.” 

 

“It's at the core of the planet,” the Doctor said. 

 

“Well then. Let's go!” River figured a shortcut was in order. She used her sonic screwdriver to open the floor. “Gravity platform.” 

 

“I bet I like you,” the Doctor said.

 

River smiled. “Oh, you do.” The four of them stepped onto the platform and headed down. 

 

They reached the core. “Auto-destruct in fifteen minutes,” the computer voice intoned.

 

“The data core. Over 4000 living minds trapped inside it,” the Doctor said.

  
  
“They won't be living much longer. We're running out of time,” River replied. 

 

The Doctor found a terminal, but the voice changed. Suddenly it didn’t sound like a computer voice anymore but like a little girl. “Help me. Please, help me.”

 

“Was that a child?” River asked. Surely it couldn’t be…

 

“The computer's in sleep mode.” The Doctor tapped on a keyboard. “I can't wake it up. I'm trying.”

 

River studied the data. “Doctor, these readings…”

 

“I know. You'd think it was...dreaming.”

 

Lux sounded resigned. “It is dreaming--of a normal life and a lovely dad and of every book ever written.”

 

“Computers don’t dream,” Anita said. 

 

“Help me. Please, help me,” came the voice of the girl again.

 

“No,” Lux said. “But little girls do.” He pulled a lever on a cabinet then ran to the next room. 

 

They followed. 

 

A node turned around. It had the face of a little girl. “Help me. Please, help me. Help me. Please, help me.“

 

“It's the little girl. The girl we saw on the computer,” Anita said. 

 

“She's not in the computer,” Lux explained. “In a way, she is the computer. The main command node. This is CAL.”

 

The Doctor was incensed. “CAL is a child! A child hooked up to a mainframe! Why didn't you tell me this? I needed to know this!”

 

“Because she's family!” Lux was just as indignant. "CAL--Charlotte Abigail Lux. My grandfather's youngest daughter. She was dying, so he built her a library and put her living mind inside, with a moon to watch over her, and all of human history to pass the time, any era to live in, any book to read. She loved books more than anything. And he gave her them all. He asked only that she be left in peace. A secret, not a freak show.” 

 

“So you weren't protecting a patent, you were protecting her,” the Doctor said. 

 

“This is only half a life, of course.” Lux stroked the face of the node. “But it's forever.”

 

“And then the shadows came.”

 

CAL spoke again. “The shadows. I have to...I have to save. Have to save.” 

 

“And she saved them. She saved everyone in The Library. Folded them into her dreams and kept them safe,” the Doctor finished.

 

“Then why didn't she tell us?” Anita asked. 

 

“Because she's forgotten. She's got over 4000 living minds chatting away inside her head. It must be like...being, well, me.” 

 

“So what do we do?” River cut in. The computer voice reminded them that they only had ten minutes left.

 

“Easy!” The Doctor ran back to the terminal. “We beam all the people out of the data core, the computer will reset and stop the countdown. Difficult. Charlotte doesn't have enough memory space left to make the transfer.” He moved to a bank of wires. “Easy! I'll hook myself up to the computer, and she can borrow my memory space!”

 

Oh, the idiot. “Difficult. It'll kill you stone dead!” 

 

“Yeah, it's easy to criticize,” he grumbled.

 

“It'll burn up both your hearts and don't think you'll regenerate!” Honestly, didn’t he know what he was facing?

 

Apparently not. “'ll try my hardest not to die. Honestly, it's my main thing.”

 

“Doctor!” She’d kill him, she really would.

 

“If I'm right, this'll work. Shut up! Now, listen, you and Luxy Boy, back up to the main library. Prime any data cells you can find for maximum download. And before you say anything else, Professor, can I just mention, as you're here, shut up.”

 

Fine. She’d get started on what he asked of her. But damned if she’d  _ ever _ let him hook himself up to those wires. She moved to leave. “Oh! I hate you sometimes!”

 

And stupid young bloody Doctor didn’t even know the right answer to that. “I know!” he answered cheerily. 

 

Well, then. Time to get busy. She didn’t have long if she was going to get back quickly enough to stop the git from sacrificing himself. “Mr Lux, with me. Anita, if he dies...I'll kill him!” 

 

Thankfully Lux wasn’t stupid. It only took a few minutes to explain what needed to be done. He assured that he could do it, no problem. 

 

All right. Time to take care of the Doctor. She strode back to the terminal where he was.

 

She was distracted momentarily by Anita’s lifeless spacesuit. “Anita!”

 

“I'm sorry. She's been dead a while now. I told you to go!” 

 

Like she’d ever been good at following orders. “Lux can manage without me...but you can't.” She stood up, preparing herself for what she she had to do. 

 

She remembered very little of her training at the hands of the Silence. But she remembered quite clearly her father teaching her to throw a punch.

 

The Doctor went down with just one blow.

 

River got to work. 

 

###

 

She was almost done when he came to. “Oh, no, no, no! What are you doing? That's my job.”

 

“What, I'm not allowed to have a career, I suppose?” She kept her tone breezy, not even pausing in her work. 

 

“Why am I handcu-Why do you even have handcuffs?”

 

Poor innocent Doctor. So much to learn. “Spoilers.” 

 

He grew more frantic. “This is not a joke. Stop this now. This is gonna kill you! I'll have a chance, you don't have any!”

 

“You wouldn't have a chance and neither do I! I'm timing it for the end of the countdown. There'll be a blip in the command flow. That way it should improve our chances of a clean download.” 

 

“River, please, no!”

 

She dropped the businesslike tone. No use pretending any longer. And it was getting far too difficult holding back the tears. “Funny thing is, this means you've always known how I was going to die. All the time we've been together, you knew I was coming here. The last time I saw you--the real you, the future you, I mean--you turned up on my doorstep with a new haircut and a suit. You took me to Darillium to see the Singing Towers. Oh, what a night that was. The towers sang...and you cried.”

 

“Auto-destruct in one minute,” the computer announced.

 

“You wouldn't tell me why, but I suppose you knew it was time-my time, time to come to The Library. You even gave me your sonic screwdriver--that should have been a clue.” 

 

The Doctor strained against his cuffs, trying to reach the sonic screwdriver. As if she would have been so stupid to leave it where he could get to it. “There's nothing you can do.”

 

The Doctor didn’t give up that easily. “Let me do this!”

 

Not a chance in hell. “If you die here, it'll mean I've never met you.” To say nothing of the fact that she wouldn’t exist at all. Or that the rest of the universe would be completely screwed. 

 

“Time can be rewritten!” 

 

“Not those times. Not one line. Don't you dare. It's okay. It's okay, it's not over for you. You'll see me again. You've got all of that to come. You and me, time and space. You watch us run.” She envied him in a way, being at the very beginning of it all. 

 

She remembered him at Darillium, him telling her that he didn’t want her to have any regrets. Well, she didn’t. She’d do it all again, just the same way. 

 

And her dying here could ensure that she did. 

 

“River, you know my name,” the Doctor pleaded. “You whispered my name in my ear.” 

 

The ten-second countdown began, and River put the circlet on her head in preparation. But the Doctor wasn’t done. “There's only one reason I would ever tell anyone my name--there's only one time I could…” 

 

It was nearly time. “Hush now,” River soothed. “Spoilers.” She connected the cables as the countdown reached one. 

 

There was a blinding flash of light, and then nothing.

 

###

 

River woke up and tried to figure out what the hell had happened. Where was she? She didn’t really believe in God or an afterlife, and even if they were real she was pretty sure she hadn’t earned heaven. But here she stood, apparently alive and well in a perfectly lovely place after she’d sacrificed herself to save 4022 people and one idiot Timelord. 

 

She was even wearing a long white dress. She never wore clothing like this.

 

Charlotte and Dr. Moon walked over to her. “It's okay. You're safe, “ Charlotte said. ”You'll always be safe here. The Doctor fixed the data core. This is a good place now. But I was worried you might be lonely so I brought you some friends. Aren't I a clever girl?”

 

“Aren’t we all?” Miss Evangelista said.

 

River whirled around. Miss Evangelista, both Daves, and Anita were all approaching. “Oh, for heaven's sake, he just can't do it, can he? That man, that impossible man. He just can't give in!” She hugged each of them. 

 

_ When you run with the Doctor, it feels like it will never end. But however hard you try, you can't run forever. Everybody knows that everybody dies, and nobody knows it like the Doctor. But I do think that all the skies of the all the worlds might just turn dark if he ever, for one moment, accepts it. Everybody knows that everybody dies. But not every day. Not today. Some days, nobody dies at all. Now and then, every once in a very long while, every day in a million days, when the wind stands fair and the Doctor comes to call...Everybody lives. _

  
River closed her diary and kissed the children good night. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This would really be a perfect place to end it, but there's still one chapter to go.


	27. Chapter Twenty-Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoilers for The Name of the Doctor

Chapter Twenty-Seven

 

The problem with an afterlife was that it gave one entirely too much time to  _ think _ .

 

At first River figured the Library computer was a temporary holding place until the Doctor could figure out how to save her for real. He always came for her; this would be no different.

 

Finally she realized he wasn’t coming to rescue her, but she thought he’d at least come to say a proper goodbye. She’d delete herself once he did that--eternal imprisonment, no matter how nice the accommodations, really wasn’t her style. 

 

But he never came.

 

She really ought to just have CAL delete her--free her from this half-existence. But River couldn’t bring herself to give up on the Doctor just yet. 

 

The conference calls with Vastra, Jenny, and Strax helped some.

 

But the news Vastra brought of the Doctor was distressing. Apparently he had parked himself on a cloud and declared himself retired. He told the Paternoster trio that he had no desire to involve himself with humans again. He'd lost his Amelia, and it was his own fault for continuing to go back for her long after he knew he should stop, and now he  _ would _ stop.

 

“So he sits there, wearing reading glasses he doesn’t even need and a ridiculous frock coat, and he just  _ sulks _ ,” Vastra said. 

 

Reading glasses. Amy’s glasses. Tucked into his pocket when he made the decision to stop mourning Amelia. A rather temporary decision, it would seem. 

 

River didn't ask if he mentioned her at all. Vastra's sad, apologetic eyes rendered that question unnecessary.

 

Yet for some reason Vastra seemed convinced that one day the Doctor would come. She always asked River, and she seemed just as surprised as she was disappointed when River answered no.

 

River found herself making excuses for the Doctor, for Vastra's sake as much as her own.

 

She whiled away the hours in the mainframe telling stories to the children. They loved the adventures recorded in her diary.

 

One day River got the bright idea of trying to piece together the order the Doctor had lived those adventures in.

 

She really wished she hadn't done that.

 

Seeing it all from the Doctor's perspective...had he ever even had a choice? Had she unwittingly condemned him to some sort of predestined fate?

 

It made a horrible, plausible sort of sense, reading the diary from his point of view. He'd met her for the first time, and she'd died in his place—and told him not to change one line of their time together.  _ Not those times. Not one line. Don’t you dare. _

 

She remembered his early days, when he seemed to want to run away from her as far and fast as he could. He’d been so reluctant, so afraid of her and of their future together.  _ That woman is not dragging me into anything! _ Her mother had told her that he'd said that—Amy found it hilarious. “Like he could resist you even then.”

 

But maybe it wasn't so funny. Maybe River really had been dragging him along the whole time. It might explain a few things.

 

Like how his early self never sought her out—only bumped into her by accident.

 

Like the cold, angry words he'd spat at Area 52.  _ I don't want to marry you. _ He'd explained it away later, but maybe he'd really meant it. After all, it had been  _ five years later _ that he'd explained those words. He really couldn't come to her any earlier than that?

 

And he'd only ever married her in an aborted timeline that now didn’t exist. Hadn't she comforted her mother with those very words? If Amy's murder of Kovarian didn't count, why in the worlds had River ever thought her marriage did?

 

And yes, he'd given Melody a tender message for River Song in Berlin—but maybe those loving words were the only way he could get her to undo what she’d done. He’d known she could save him--he’d admitted that much when she woke up in the hospital. 

 

He’d also told her that the Doctor lies.

 

That might just be the truest thing he'd ever said to her. Maybe even the only true thing.

 

It seemed ridiculous, carrying on such a charade. She couldn't wrap her mind around it. Years of him popping in and out of Stormcage—surely that couldn't just be guilt driving that? And yet, it had taken her years after her pardon to track him down. He didn't seek her out once she left prison—once again their meetings were accidental. Because once she was out of prison, he didn’t owe her anymore? His obligation had ended? 

 

Maybe River had been fooling herself all along. Maybe he’d never loved her at all. Maybe their whole relationship had been guilt and obligation and a desire to avoid paradoxes on his part. 

 

No, she didn't believe that. She wouldn’t. The Doctor been so insistent on repairing their damaged relationship after Manhattan. There was no reason for him to do that. They could have continued just as they'd always done, hiding the damage, pretending everything was fine.

 

She managed to console herself with that for a while. But the longer she remained in the Library data core, the harder it got.

 

And now the Doctor was parked on a cloud, mourning her mother. Just her mother. 

 

Vastra had told the Doctor of the conference calls, but he'd politely refused her invitation.

 

The man had burned up a sun to say goodbye to Rose Tyler. He couldn't even be bothered to join a quick phone call for River.

 

She really ought to have CAL delete her, but River couldn't give up hope completely just yet. The Doctor still might come through one of these days. Mightn’t he? 

 

Vastra seemed convinced he would. Or maybe she was just placating River. It was hard to tell at this point. 

 

One day the Silurian brought a glimmer of good news. She said a lovely girl named Clara had finally shaken the Doctor out of his grief over Amy. That brought a smile to River's face. Dear Clara.

 

Then she frowned. That day so long ago, when Clara showed up with the Doctor, she'd already known River. River had assumed she would bump into Clara again sometime. Yet here River was, stuck in a computer post-death. She'd never run into the girl again. So how had Clara known her?

 

Could it mean that River would somehow see the Doctor sometime? She'd finally get her farewell? She felt the hope flair once more.

 

Honestly, death was such an emotional roller coaster.

 

Eventually River made a sort of peace with her circumstances. The Doctor's actions over the years indicated that he at least cared about her. Maybe only as the child of his beloved Amelia Pond, but even that was better than nothing. And really, did it matter if she loved him more than he loved her? 

 

Not so much, she decided. 

 

One day she was summoned to a conference call. Lo and behold, there sat Clara.

 

Well, then.

 

River greeted Vastra first. “Madame Vastra.”

 

“ Professor,” returned the Silurian. “Help yourself to some tea.”

 

Why on earth would she want tea? “Why, thank you.” She held up her flute of champagne.

 

“ How did you do that?” Jenny asked.

 

“ Disgracefully.” River sipped her tea and eyed Clara.

 

Vastra noticed. “Ah. Perhaps you two haven't met. This is the Doctor's companion.” River and Clara both looked at her, and Vastra tried again. “That is, his current traveling assistant.” Clara didn't seem pleased with the “assistant” bit. Vastra finished with, “Clara Oswald.”

 

Seeing that Clara had no idea who she was, River introduced herself. “Professor River Song. The Doctor might have mentioned me.”  _ Surely he had mentioned her… _

 

“ Oh, yeah, of course he has. Professor Song.” Relief flooded River at Clara's response. But only for a moment. “Sorry, it's just I never realized you were a woman.”

 

She'd never realized she was a woman. River sat frozen. The Doctor had only ever called her “Professor Song.” Never River. Never his wife. Never anyone with whom he had more than a passing connection.

 

She really had been deluding herself.

 

Vastra intervened. “Perhaps we should get down to the business at hand.” She touched the air above the center of the table and caused a projection to appear. “Clarence DeMarco,” she said. “Murder, under sentence of death. He offered us this in exchange for his life.” She waved her hand through the image, and it changed.

 

“Space time coordinates,” River said.

 

“ This, Mr. DeMarco claims, is the location of the Doctor's greatest secret,” Vastra said.

 

“ Which is?” Clara asked.

 

“ We don't know; it's a secret,” Jenny replied.

 

Vastra sounded haughty. “The Doctor does not discuss his secrets with anyone, my dear. If you're still entertaining the idea that you are an exception to this rule, ask yourself one question. What is his name?”

 

Clara looked taken aback, and River felt the urge to twist the knife just a bit. “Well, I know it.”

 

Clara looked at her. “What, you know his name? He told you?”

 

Eventually, yes. It hadn't been easy. “I made him.”

 

“ How?”

 

River sincerely hoped Clara would not employ the same methods she had used. Then again, River was dead, and she did want the Doctor to move on with his life. She'd like for him to at least acknowledge their relationship and grieve a little bit, but then he should be happy.

 

Maybe he already was happy. Maybe he'd moved on with Clara. No way to know, really. “It took awhile,” was all she said.

 

“ So you're a...friend of his, then?” Clara asked.

 

Had she ever even been that? River wondered. “A little more than a friend, a long time ago.”

 

And dear Vastra asked yet again. “He's still never contacted you?”

 

River made her usual excuse. “He doesn't like endings.” She decided to get back to the matter at hand. “So what else did this DeMarco tell you? He didn't buy his life with some coordinates. How did he prove their value?”

 

“ One word only,” Vastra said.

 

Ah, the one word test. “What word?”

 

“One I'd heard in connection with the Doctor before. Trenzalore.”

 

_ Trenzalore. _ River hadn't spent years being trained by the Silence and years studying the Doctor at Luna for nothing. She knew what Trenzalore was. She didn't understand it entirely, because she'd met the older Doctor who came after her husband. But timelines were always in flux, and in some version of reality her idiot really did die at Trenzalore. Or could die at Trenzalore. Or something. This couldn't be good. “How exactly did he describe what he was giving you?” she asked.

 

Vastra changed the projection again. They watched as DeMarco said, “The Doctor has a secret, you know. He has one he will take to the grave. And it is discovered.”

 

Oh, bloody hell. “You misunderstood,” River said.

 

Jenny interrupted then—something about the doors. Apparently she had forgotten to lock them. Vastra waved her off and pressed River, 'What misunderstanding; tell me?”

 

Jenny broke in again, more upset. Again Vastra insisted that it wasn't important, but Jenny was now in a panic. “Someone's broken in—someone's with us. I can hear them!”

 

She finally got through to Vastra. “Jenny, are you all right?”

 

“ Sorry, ma'am, so sorry, so sorry...I think I've been murdered.”

 

Vastra and Strax both tried to rouse Jenny, but the maid started to fade then disappeared completely. “What's happened to her?” Clara asked in alarm.

 

Time to end this call. “You're under attack You must wake up now. Just wake up. Do it!” River slapped Vastra. The Silurian vanished. “You too, Strax, wake up now!” She tossed her champagne at him.

 

Now there it was just River and Clara. But not for long. Hideous creatures invaded the dreamscape, chanting, “Tell the Doctor. Tell the Doctor. Tell the Doctor.”

 

“Tell him what?” Clara asked.

 

The projection changed to show Dr. Simeon, the host of the Great Intelligence. “His friends are lost forever more unless he goes to Tranzalore.”

 

“ No!” River burst out. “You can't say that. He can't go there, you know he can't!” She could tell that Clara would wake up soon. She tried one last time to get through to the girl. “The Doctor can never go to Trenzalore!”

 

Clara vanished, and the Whisper Men did as well. River contemplated her next move.

 

She decided not to end the conference call. The Doctor wouldn't be able to see or hear her—she'd tried before and his looking straight through her had nearly killed her all over again—but Clara would. And she could help Clara help him.

 

Unfortunately, that meant listening in while Clara quizzed the Doctor—about River. “So who was she? The lady with the funny name and the space hair.”

 

“ An old...friend of mine,” the Doctor said, staring straight ahead.

 

Friend. Nice.

 

Clara seemed to know better by this point. “What, like an ex?”

 

“ Yes. An ex.” The Doctor sounded wooden.

 

Well, now she knew where she stood. No use holding out hope for a goodbye now. The Doctor had moved on, so River supposed she should as well.

 

She'd delete herself once the Trenzalore situation was resolved.

 

The Doctor was still talking. “River asked Vastra for the exact words - what were they?” 

 

"The Doctor has a secret he will take to the grave. It is discovered,” Clara quoted. She noted the Doctor’s teary eyes. “Doctor?”

 

“Sorry.” The Doctor’s voice broke. “And it was Trenzalore? Definitely Trenzalore?”

 

Never had River wished more strongly that she could go to him, comfort him somehow. She’d gotten him through the loss of her mother, at least for a little while. Surely she could get him through this too. 

 

But he couldn’t even see her.  _ He looks right through me, and it shouldn't kill me, but it does… _

 

The Doctor and Clara headed off to the TARDIS, neither noticing that River came along too. 

 

The Doctor was still explaining things to Clara. “Trenzalore. I've heard the name, of course. Dorium mentioned it, a few others.” He soniced some of the overhead wiring. “Always suspected what it was, never wanted to find out myself. River would know, though.” He pulled down a cable. “River always knew.”

 

River felt a flicker of surprise. She really hadn’t expected the Doctor to mention her again. Did he know she was there? 

 

No, that couldn’t be right. He’d just said she would know--if he realized she was there, he’d  _ ask _ her. 

  
  
Still, it was nice to hear him acknowledge her. 

 

The Doctor linked Clara to the TARDIS’ telepathic circuit to get the coordinates she’d seen. Clara was still pressing him about what exactly Trenzalore was. “Is it your big secret?” 

 

“When you are a time traveler, there is one place you must never go. One place in all of space and time you must never, ever find yourself.”    
  
Clara still didn’t understand. Bless. 

 

It frustrated the Doctor. “You didn't listen, did you? You lot never do, that's the problem! ‘The Doctor has a secret he will take to the grave. It is discovered.’ He wasn't talking about my secret, no, no, no, that's not what's been found. He was talking about my...grave. Trenzalore is where I'm buried.” 

 

Poor Clara. She was stunned. “How can you have a grave?” 

 

“Because we all do - somewhere out there in the future, waiting for us. The trouble with time travel, you can actually end up visiting…” He trailed off. 

 

“But you’re not going to,” Clara protested. “You just said it’s the one place you must never go.” 

 

“I have to save Vastra and Strax. Jenny too, if it's still possible. They cared for me during the dark times--never questioned me, never judged me, they were just...kind. I owe them. I have a duty,” the Doctor said. 

 

River’s heart broke for him a little more. She had always suspected what losing her mum would do to the Doctor, and she’d experienced a little of it after Manhattan. But apparently the Doctor had spiraled even further down into the pit after she was no longer there. The dark times, he’d said...

 

River was grateful to the Paternoster trio for being there through that darkness.. And grateful to Clara for finally pulling him back out to the light. She couldn’t resent the girl for that. 

 

The TARDIS violently protested landing at Trenzalore. River tried to soothe the old girl, but to no avail. The Doctor finally managed to work around it and get them to land. Well, crash. 

 

The Doctor, Clara, and River stepped out of the TARDIS and found themselves in a graveyard. “It's a battlefield graveyard, my final battle,” the Doctor said.

 

River wondered what that must’ve looked like. Various timelines had swirled in her head all her life, and she knew in one the Doctor did die here. But she didn’t know how or why. Perhaps she’d look up Trenzalore in the database once she returned to the Library computer core. She hadn’t researched that particular version of events much when she was at uni because by then she’d already met the older Doctor--she knew time had been rewritten. 

 

The Doctor’s grave was the TARDIS itself--a massive, “size leaking” future form of the TARDIS. “What else would they bury me in?” He headed toward it.

 

Clara moved to follow him, and River decided it was time to reveal herself. “Don't speak, don't say my name--he can't see or hear me, only you can.” The Doctor called back to Clara, so River quickly finished what she needed to say. “We're mentally linked; it's the conference call. I kept the line open.” 

 

The Doctor strode back to them. “Who are you talking to? We need to get…” He stopped and stared. “River?”

 

For a moment, River felt elated. He could see her! He could actually see her! But he went past her and ran his hand along a gravestone.

 

A gravestone that bore River’s name. River was so stunned she almost forgot to be devastated as once again her hopes crashed around her.

 

“That can’t be right,” Clara said. “She’s not dead.”

 

“Oh, she's dead, I'm afraid. She's been dead for a very long time,” the Doctor said. 

 

“Yeah, should probably have mentioned that--never the right time,” River said to Clara. Poor girl. 

 

“But I met her!” 

 

Further discussion was cut off as the Whisper Men approached. The Doctor’s sonic proved woefully ineffective against them. River racked her brain. She’d stayed to help; time to start helping. She prompted Clara. “If it's not my gravestone, then what is it?”

 

Clara was so accommodating. She immediately asked the Doctor what the grave could be. The Doctor wasn’t quite following yet though. River tried again. “Maybe it's a false grave!”

 

Clara obediently repeated River’s words. “Yeah, maybe,” the Doctor said absently. Still not there. 

 

River made a final attempt. “Maybe it's a secret entrance to the tomb!” 

 

“Maybe it’s a secret entrance to the tomb!” Clara echoed.

 

That did it. The Doctor smacked himself with his sonic. “Yes, of course, makes sense. They'd never have buried my wife out here!” He used the screwdriver on the grave. 

 

“Your what?” Clara shrieked as the ground opened beneath them and they all fell. River didn’t even have time to feel triumphant that the Doctor had finally, finally claimed her as his wife. 

 

The three of them moved through a series of tunnels. “Where are we?” Clara asked.

 

“Catacombs,” the Doctor said.

 

“I hate catacombs,” River said. She wouldn’t have admitted that if the Doctor could hear her--he’d always believed her fearless, and she didn’t like to disappoint. But Clara didn’t have any illusions to shatter. 

 

“So how come I met your dead wife?” Clara said. 

 

“Well, you know how it is when you lose someone close to you. I sort of made a backup.”

 

River wondered why. It wasn’t like he was  _ doing  _ anything with that backup. She really served no purpose at all, stuck in that data core. “I died saving him. In return, he saved me to a database in the biggest Library in the universe. Left me like a book on a shelf. Didn't even say goodbye. He doesn't like endings.” 

 

A Whisper Man walked right through River to get to Clara. The Doctor grabbed her hand--River tried very hard not to feel jealous about that--and took off running.  They burst through a door, into the TARDIS. The Whisper Man made another try for Clara, and they barely got away to begin arduous trek through the TARDIS.

 

And Clara started remembering things she was never supposed to remember. 

 

But finally they reached the inner sanctum of the tomb. “Here I am, late to my own funeral. Glad to see you could make it, Jenny.” The Doctor spoke with forced cheerfulness. 

 

The Great Intelligence demanded that the Doctor open the grave. Not surprisingly, the Doctor refused. 

 

But the Great Intelligence raised the stakes, torturing the Doctor’s friends. The Doctor begged and pleaded but to no avail.

 

It felt like betrayal, to say the Doctor’s name. He’d entrusted her with his deepest secret. But no one else would hear her--only the TARDIS. So it wasn’t  _ really _ betrayal. And it would end the suffering of all his friends. 

 

Yes, it would also allow the Great Intelligence into the Doctor’s tomb. That wasn’t good. But the pieces were beginning to fit in River’s brain. This was what had already happened. This was where Clara would do the impossible-- _ be _ the impossible. 

 

The Doctor’s Impossible Girl. 

 

River spoke the word--the most beautiful, terrifying word she’d ever learned. The doors opened. 

 

“Why did you open the door, sir? I had them on the run!” Strax blustered. 

 

“I didn't do it. I didn't say my name.” 

 

Oh, her poor useless idiot. “No, but I did.” 

 

Once again, for the briefest of moments, River thought the Doctor might just sense she was there. He swallowed hard. But then the moment was over, and it was straight to business. He helped the others, made sure they were all right. He particularly fussed over Clara.

 

“That was not nice,” Clara said, coughing.

 

“I know. I’m sorry.” The Doctor hugged her. 

 

They went inside to find the console room covered in vines, with a column of light in the center. The Doctor explained it was something like the scar he’d left in the universe, the damage done by all of his time traveling. 

 

It was a rather lot of damage. 

 

Then things started happening all too quickly. The Doctor collapsed, the weight of the gigantic paradox caused by his being there finally catching up to him. 

 

And the Great Intelligence threw himself into the Doctor’s timeline. The Doctor cried out in agony. 

 

“He’s being rewritten!” Vastra said. “Simeon is attacking his entire timeline - he's dying all at once. The Dalek Asylum. Androzani.”

 

That got Clara’s attention. “What did you say? Did you say the Dalek Asylum?” 

 

Finally the Great Intelligence declared, “It is done.” Steam rose from his skin, then the skin turned blue and cold. The light of the Doctor’s “time damage” went from bright white to dark red. 

 

Vastra and Jenny left the console room, but Clara was still working it out. “The Dalek Asylum. You said it was me that saved you. How? Victorian London. How, how could I have been in Victorian London?”

 

The Doctor was unable to answer her. “No. Please, stop, my life...my whole life is burning.” 

 

But Clara now had it figured out. “I have to go in there.” 

 

“Please. Please, no…”

 

“But this is what I've already done. You've already seen me do it. I'm the Impossible Girl, and this is why.”

 

She was right, but River knew the Doctor would kill her if she didn’t make at least a token protest. He might not be able to hear her, but she’d still honor his wishes. And Clara  _ did _ need to consider the consequences. “Whatever you’re thinking of doing, don’t.” 

 

“If I step in there...what happens?”

 

River had known fully what she was doing when she sacrificed her regenerations in Berlin and when she strapped herself that chair in the Library. Clara deserved no less. “The time winds will tear you into a million pieces. A million versions of you, living and dying all over time and space. Like...echoes.” 

 

“But the echoes could save the Doctor, right?” 

 

“But they won't be you--the real you will die. They'll just be copies.”

 

“But they'll be real enough to save him,” Clara said. 

 

Oh, Clara. So much like River herself.  _Just tell me. The Doctor, is he worth it? _

 

This was the only way to save him. Clara and River both knew that. And they both knew, in the end, that it was very much worth it. 

 

The Doctor protested again, weakly. But Clara gave him one last look and said, “Run. Run, you clever boy. And remember me.” She disappeared into the timestream as the Doctor cried out. 

 

The timeline returned to its previous bright white glow. Clever Clara--she’d done it. 

 

Vastra, Jenny, and Strax joined them. The Doctor stood apart from them, not seeming to pay much attention to Strax’s rant. Vastra said, “We are all restored, that is all that matters now.” 

 

That got a response from the Doctor. He turned to face them. “We are not all restored!”

 

What in the world was thinking now? “You can't go in there. It's your own time stream, for God's sake!” River knew it was pointless--the Doctor couldn’t hear her--but she couldn’t stop herself. 

 

“I have to get her back,” the Doctor continued. 

 

“Of course! But not like this!” River insisted. Honestly, why did she continue to argue with someone who didn’t even know she was there?

 

Thankfully Vastra and Jenny weren’t sold on this plan either. “Is she still alive? It killed Dr Simeon,” Vastra said. 

 

But the Doctor was determined. River began to panic. Somehow, some way, she had to get through to the idiot--she had to  _ make  _ him hear her.  “Doctor, please listen to me--at least hear me.” 

 

The Doctor was giving instructions to Strax, Vastra, and Jenny should he not return. River made one last attempt to get through to him. “There has to be another way. Use the TARDIS, use something. Save her, yes, but for God's sake, be sensible!” She raised her hand to slap him. 

 

And the Doctor turned and grabbed her wrist. River felt time stop. 

 

“How are you even doing that? I'm not really here.”

 

“You are always here to me. And I always listen, and I can always see you.” 

 

It was everything she’d always wanted him to say. But it made no sense. “Then why didn't you speak to me?”

 

“I thought it would hurt too much.”

 

Her temper flared, white hot. She didn’t need him to coddle her. “I believe I could have coped.” 

 

“No. I thought it would hurt  _ me _ . And I was right.” 

 

And suddenly he had her face in his hands and his lips on hers. River had no idea how this was even working, but she didn’t really care. She’d never imagined that she’d ever again be kissed by the Doctor. And she’d never been so thrilled to be wrong. 

 

They broke apart. Vastra, Jenny, and Strax stared with stunned faces. The Doctor looked at River sheepishly. “Since nobody else in this room can see you, who knows how that looked.” 

 

She hid a smile. He continued, “There is a time to live and a time to sleep. You are an echo, River. Like Clara. Like all of us, in the end. My fault, I know, but you should've faded by now.”

 

He was right. She knew he was right. She should have let long ago. And yet she couldn’t. “It's hard to leave when you haven't said goodbye.” 

 

And for the first time, the Doctor looked at her with his heart in his eyes. She could see his heartbreak, his despair. “Then tell me, because I don't know--how do I say it?”

 

Was that really all it was? He didn’t know  _ how _ to bid her farewell? Silly man. “There's only one way I would accept. If you ever loved me...say it like you're going to come back.”

 

The Doctor straightened up and backed away, forcing a smile. “Well, then...see you around, Professor Song.” 

 

“Till the next time, Doctor.” 

 

“Don’t wait up.”  _ Don’t wait for me in that Library; I’m not coming… _

 

“Oh, there’s one more thing.” 

 

“Isn’t there always?” the Doctor said. 

 

“I was mentally linked with Clara. If she's really dead, then how can I still be here?” 

 

There. Leave him with hope. He could and would rescue Clara--she wasn’t gone yet. 

 

“Okay. How?” 

 

River sent him a saucy smile. “Spoilers! Goodbye, sweetie.” 

 

And she faded away. 


	28. Epilogue

Epilogue

 

Back in the Library. 

 

River sat with the children, once again reading her diary to them. It wasn’t quite as painful now. She could enjoy looking back on the memories.

 

She was telling the story of 1969. It was one of her favorites--an adventure with the Doctor and her parents combined with delivering a crushing blow to the Silence. Good times. 

 

She had just reached the climax of the story when the Doctor himself showed up. 

 

What in the worlds was the Doctor doing in the Library? 

 

He beamed at her. “Hi, honey, I’m home!” 

 

River knew her line, knew the proper, expected response. She tried to say it, but the words just wouldn’t come. She finally managed to croak, “Wha…?” 

 

The Doctor giggled at her. “What sort of time do I call this? I’d say it’s the perfect time, dear.”

 

“Why are you here?  _ How _ are you here?”

 

"I died. Well, I regenerated--bit of a shock, that. Wasn't expecting it at all--thirteen lives was supposed to be it and done. Always planned to come here though, so here I am! And I surprised you! After all these years, I finally managed it--brilliant!"

 

"You're dying and regenerating? Right now?" River repeated. "So this is a quick visit and then you'll go?" She wondered what the point was--they'd already said goodbye. No point in doing it again. She’d actually been planning to delete herself once she finished her goodbyes here.

 

He frowned. "No, you daft woman. Weren't you listening? I regenerated. Past tense. Done. New me is already off having a chat with Clara. Although she said he was grey, so I guess it's old me. New old me? Old new me?"

 

“So why are you here?” 

 

"I always intended to come here, River. As close as I could get us to a proper Timelord burial. But it got a bit trickier to figure out how when I realized I wasn't going to die for good--I was going to regenerate. Took a bit of jiggery pokery to figure out how to get this me here while new old me took off with Clara." He paused for a moment. “Jiggery pokery. I like jiggery pokery. Haven’t said it in a while. Think I’ll start again.”

 

“Doctor. Seriously. Why are you  _ here _ ?” 

 

“I told you--this was always the plan. You and me together here. We should have a good long time before the data banks fail and we get deleted. And all of it in the right order--no spoilers.” 

 

It was everything she’d ever dreamed of and more than she’d ever hoped for. And still words wouldn’t come.

 

The Doctor’s expression softened. He took her face in his hands. “River. I know you said I left you like a book on a shelf. But it was only until I could pick you back up again--wait, that’s a bad analogy. Forget that.” He rested his forehead against hers. “Really all I’m trying to say is that this was always meant to be  _ our _ afterlife. Sorry it took me so long to join you.”

 

River swallowed hard. “You’re really here. You’re really staying.”

 

"I'm really here and really staying, wife. You and me--every book that is or was--you watch us run."

 

END 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been done before, but this is absolutely my head canon and always will be. Rose got a "copy" of Ten; River gets a copy of Eleven. 
> 
> Thanks so much for everyone who's made to the end of this thing! I appreciate every reader, every kudos, every comment. Much love and gratitude to all of you!


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